Joe the Plumber Blames Gun Control for the Holocaust

Joe the Plumber — or, as he is also known, Joe the Wurzelbacher — is running for Congress in Ohio. There's a law that states that if you run as a conservative, you have to release a video shooting a gun. There's also another law, called Godwin's Law, which I think you'll find extremely relevant…

In 2008, a desperate presidential campaign seized upon a man they knew little about. In 2012, a bunch of vegetables, unable to defend themselves, were exterminated.

Joe's argument against gun control would have probably been more effective if he blamed gun control for his own fame.

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Joe the Plumber Wants More Seriousness, Less Questions

Actual officially official congressional candidate  Sam "Joe the Plumber" Wurzelbacher — who has apparently been too busy campaigning to find the time to buy himself a suit — is really upset with how unserious and gimmicky politics has become lately.

Like, take this interview he did with CNN last night. Those smut-peddlers had the nerve to ask him to comment on a couple of words and sentences about how gay people are not fit to be near children that just so happen to have come out of his mouth.

Can you believe they get away with this stuff…

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Herman Cain Endorses Joe the Plumber, Decries Stupid People

Does anybody know what Herman Cain was talking about in his CPAC speech this afternoon? One minute he was endorsing Joe the Plumber for Congress, and the next he was warning against "stupid people and ignorant people."

Which is it?! You're sending mixed messages here…

Former presidential candidate Herman Cain endorsed 2008 campaign mini-celebrity Joe the Plumber in his bid for Congress in a speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference.

Cain said Joe the Plumber (née Wurzelbacher), is a leading proponent of his 9-9-9 tax plan — which largely fell flat with this crowd of conservative activists…

Cain used his remarks to attack the "stupid people and ignorant people are ruining America" — notably liberals.

I'll give him this. This is one subject on which Cain really is an expert…

Dennis Kucinich Will Shiv You in the Side for Your Congressional Seat

Remember that scene in The Dark Knight, when — just after slicing Gambol's face wide open — the Joker breaks a pool cue in two and throws it to the ground, informing the mob boss' former soldiers that "there's only one spot open right now, so we're going to have tryouts"? Remember that? Huh?

Well, that's essentially what Ohio state legislators are doing right now with Reps. Dennis Kucinich and Marcy Kaptur…

Redistricting erased two House seats in Ohio, pushing the two incumbents into a single district. The new district contains areas of Kucinich's Cleveland base and Kaptur's Toledo base.

After publicly shopping for a district in Washington state and mulling a challenge to Rep. Marcia Fudge (D-Ohio), Kucinich decided enough of his base was intact to mount a primary challenge against Kaptur, who is the longest-serving female in the House. The new district contains more of Kaptur's territory.

Awesome! A good old-fashioned Democratic donkey-fight. This should be a lot of fun to watch. More fun, probably, than watch Kucinich sue the congressional cafeteria after biting into a olive pit in his sandwich, which, I believe, is the last newsworthy thing he did. This should at least be bloodier.

Oh, and you'll never guess the trophy for being the first one who manages to drive their splintered pool cue deep into their long-time colleague's throat…

The winner of the heavily Democratic district may face Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher (R), better known as Joe the Plumber, in the general election.

This is the most amazing prize in the world.

Until he beats one of them.