Live from Thursday Night, It's a Pretty Decent Joe Wilson Sketch

In an attempt to cause as much cognitive dissonance amongst viewers as possible, last night Saturday Night Live premiered its new half-hour, prime-time, Thursday evening version of Weekend Update starring former cast member Amy Poehler. (I was completely sober, and it still gave me a moment's pause to reflect on the nature of objective reality and the holographic nature of the universe.)

Anyway, the fake news stuff is pretty much just as funny — or not funny — as you'd expect it to be, but it did open with a sketch worth watching about how Congress did Joe Wilson wrong — which still ends with "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night" (???)…

"I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm not known for any other things. Nothing!"

Perfect.

Tags: Eric Cantor, House of Representatives, Joe Wilson, Michele Bachmann, Mitch McConnell, Saturday Night Live

Jon Stewart Nails Congress for Their Jackass Apology Carousel

If you saw last night's Daily Show, you saw Jon Stewart expose Congress's longstanding practice of wasting time and avoiding real work by demanding apologies that at best will accomplish nothing and at worst will never come at all. It's truly shameful, so I hereby demand that all legislation be put on hold until the entire United States Congress personally apologizes to each American citizen one at a time.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: House of Representatives, Joe Wilson, Jon Stewart, Nancy Pelosi, Rahm Emanuel, Steny Hoyer, Thaddeus McCotter, The Daily Show, Video

Joe Wilson Is Not a Racist. Heavens, No! In Fact, He Even Has a Black President.

Joe Wilson defends himself — and all the white Americans who are showing such oddly vehement hatred for Barack Obama — against Jimmy Carter's ridiculous claim that maybe health care isn't the only problem they have with the president…

"That is such a distraction and a diversion from the issues that we should be discussing," Wilson told a Washington Times radio show Wednesday. "I really want to take the advice of President Obama, and that is that we should be discussing the issues, and that is what I intend to do."

First issue to discuss: Why it is acceptable to not acknowledge Barack Obama's legitimacy as president, and how best to manifest that opinion before the nation.

Tags: Barack Obama, House of Representatives, Jimmy Carter, Joe Wilson, Racism, South Carolina

Congress Votes to Disapprove of Yelling Like an Idiot at the President During Adult Time

Don't worry, America! Congress is all over that Joe Wilson shit, healing your pain with a "resolution of disapproval," which apparently is a thing that exists…

Lemme get this straight. Some ignorant, probably racist guy starts yelling stupid shit and making a total ass of himself and then everybody else wastes a couple hours arguing about how dumb he is and self-righteously belittling the guy while failing to ever get a decent apology out of him, right?

So, Congress is essentially one of my family reunions.

Tags: House of Representatives, Joe Wilson, South Carolina

Jimmy Carter Has a Sneaking Suspicion That There Might Maybe Still Be Some Racism in America

While America still lies on its shower floor, balled up in the fetal position, trying in vain to understand why Rep. Joe Wilson would possibly yell out "You lie!" in the middle of the Barack Obama's speech last week, former president Jimmy Carter has used all of his brains to think up a possible explanation…

"I think it's based on racism," Carter said at a town hall held at his presidential center in Atlanta.

Hmmm… That could maybe be an explanation, I guess. But, isn't Wilson from South Carolina? If I'm not mistaken, they're a pretty enlightened bunch of people down there.

And what about my Uncle Rex who's always yelling at the TV when Obama talks. He feels the same way, and I know he's not a racist, because he tells me he's not a racist every time he tries to explain how black people are genetically incapable of having monogamous relationships.

"There is an inherent feeling among many in this country that an African-American should not be president." The Georgia Democrat said the outburst was a part of a disturbing trend directed at the president that has included demonstrators equating Obama to Nazi leaders.

"Those kind of things are not just casual outcomes of a sincere debate on whether we should have a national program on health care," he said. "It's deeper than that."

Yes, of course it's deeper than that. It's because people don't want the country run by a socialist Nazi. Not that they have anything against socialist Nazis. In fact, they know this one socialist Nazi guy at work and he's kinda funny and really good at basketball. He's an okay guy, they guess. Just don't let that socialist Nazi guy anywhere near their daughters.

Tags: Health Care, House of Representatives, Jimmy Carter, Joe Wilson, Racism, South Carolina, Tea Party