How to Throw President Obama a Good Party

In a press conference today, President Obama made the following comment: "Most people who know me know I'm a pretty friendly guy. And I like a good party."

If you analyze this quote with zero context, you'll probably come to one of two conclusions: A.) The President was doing a dated, mean-spirited impression of Mitt Romney, or B.) He was summarizing the basic theme of every Black Eyed Peas song he's ever heard.

Assuming Obama is being honest and he is not a president who hates a good party (like, say, a President Nixon or a President Grumpy Cat) the question remains, what constitutes a "good party" for President Obama?

* Chips and salsa, paid for with taxes collected from the one percent.

* Plenty of beer, in case he wants to throw an impromptu beer summit.

* Beyonce. She's always invited to his parties.

* Joe Biden is not allowed anywhere near the DJ booth, lest he play Jefferson Starship all night.

* John Boehner is also not allowed. If he didn't let Obama raise the debt ceiling, imagine the fuss he'd make over Obama raising the roof.

All this, of course, presumes President Obama is not referring to a political party. Everyone knows there's no such thing as a good political party.

Previously
Barack Obama Now Bribing Voters with Beer
Key & Peele: Obama's Most Inspirational College Party Ever

Photo by Jim Watson/AFP/Getty Images

Tags: Barack Obama, Beyonce, Joe Biden, John Boehner

Our Endorsements: Tracy Jordan's Physical Cliff

* Great news: Tracy Morgan saved the economy.

* The Onion's salute to General Schwarzkopf.

* Cory Booker stopped tweeting long enough to discuss his fitness routine.

* Be careful what you accidentally post on Facebook.

* Someone finally found proof that Donald Trump's hair can exist in nature.

* John Boehner can be a little wooden, but there's a good reason for that.

* The country's first president and perhaps its first wizard: George Washington.

Tags: Cory Booker, Daily Links, David Letterman, Facebook, George Washington, John Boehner, Tracy Morgan

Tweet Roundup: Fiscal Cliff-Hanging

Phew! That was close. At the last minute lawmakers pulled a deal out of their assembly and averted a roll down the fiscal cliff.

Here's a look at how Twitter responded:

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Tags: Barack Obama, Democrats, Fiscal Cliff, House of Representatives, John Boehner, Paul Ryan, Republicans, Tweet Roundup

House Fails to Pass Relief for Disaster That Is Congress

The fiscal cliff deal passed by the Senate on New Year's morning became final late Tuesday when the House of Representatives approved the agreement on a 257-167 vote, with almost all Democrats joining 85 Republicans in voting for the measure.

But in case you were worried that the new year would bring an end to congressional dysfunction, the U.S. House of Representatives would like to remind you that there is no relief from the rolling disaster that is the legislative branch. Speaker John Boehner issued this poignant reminder by cancelling a vote on the Sandy disaster aid bill that was scheduled for a vote before the swearing-in of the new Congress on Thursday.

GOP lawmakers blamed inaction on the Senate, which they claim filled the $60 billion aid package with unrelated initiatives.

"They had the opportunity to have a $27 [billion] to $30 billion dollar legit relief package, packed it with pork, then dared us not to vote on it," said the same guys who had no problem voting for abortion restrictions attached to defense spending bills and restraints on the EPA attached to transportation appropriations.

Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Darrell Issa, House of Representatives, Hurricane Sandy, John Boehner, Republicans

Tweet Untweet: Boehner's Better Half

I wonder if Mrs. Boehner is all like "Well, now the country knows what I've been putting up with for all these years…"

— Nell Scovell (@NellSco) December 29, 2012

Tags: House of Representatives, John Boehner, Republicans, Tweet Untweet, Twitter