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John Cornyn
  • The Never-Ending Battle for Minnesota's Senate Seat Continues to Never End

    Hey, remember that second seat for Minnesota in the U.S. Senate?

    That's never getting filled

    Texas Sen. John Cornyn is threatening "World War III" if Democrats try to seat Al Franken in the Senate before Norm Coleman can pursue his case through the federal courts.

    Cornyn, the chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, acknowledges that a federal challenge to November’s elections could take "years" to resolve. But he’s adamant that Coleman deserves that chance — even if it means Minnesota is short a senator for the duration.

    There is an up side to whole ordeal, though, Minnesotites.

    I'm pretty sure that having to deal with just one senator is probably preferable to having to deal with Franken or Coleman.

    Tags: Al Franken, John Cornyn, Minnesota, Norm Coleman, Senate
  • Sen. Jim Bunning Sees Dead Supreme Court Justices

    Kentucky's junior senator took the time this past weekend to drive an obsidian dagger into a live goat so that he might pull forth the sacrificial beast's steaming entrails and prognosticate the future of the U.S. Supreme Court

    U.S. Sen. Jim Bunning predicted over the weekend that U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg would likely be dead from pancreatic cancer within nine months.

    Senator, please tell us, though. Will Justice Ginsburg at least be killed by the good kind of cancer that you get better from?

    "Bad cancer. The kind that you don't get better from," he told a crowd of about 100 at the old State Theater.

    The holy man then went on to predict that Barack Obama's stimulus package would drive the nation further into debt before asking his stunned congregation for some tithings…

    "I'm not only asking for your support, but if you have a $25 check somewhere, or whatever, you can send it, I'll cash it," he told the group.

    He then finished up his rites by placing a hex…

    on National Republican Senatorial Committee chairman John Cornyn of Texas… for not using Senatorial committee funds to help him and conservative Sens. Jim DeMint of South Carolina, Tom Coburn of Oklahoma and David Vitter of Louisiana."

    Tags: David Vitter, Jim Bunning, Jim DeMint, John Cornyn, Kentucky, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Senate, Supreme Court, Tom Coburn
  • Senator Cornyn and the Strange Tale of Hillary Clinton's Long Memory

    Did you hear the one about the soon-to-be secretary-of-state and the Texas senator?

    Cornyn, you'll recall, had just prevented a unanimous consent vote on Hillary's nomination and Thrush, who saw but did not hear the discussion, characterized the exchange as "heated," which Cornyn denied.

    Well, one of our eagle-eyed sources spotted the same discussion and was able to get within earshot just in time to hear Clinton warn Cornyn, "The Clintons don't forget."

    One day later, Cornyn's objections to Clinton's confirmation magically disappeared and the man who had set the roll call vote in motion voted in favor of confirming Clinton.

    I heard that if you're in the darkened senate chamber after hours and you whisper "The Clintons don't forget" to yourself three times, the transparent phantasm of John Cornyn's ball will materialize before you and beg forgiveness.

    Tags: Hillary Clinton, John Cornyn, Obama Administration, Senate, Texas
  • President Obama Makes Nightmare of Gitmo into Different Kind of Nightmare

    New President Barack Obama is off to a quick start, and — as promised — he's already used his anti-Bush pen to wipe away the jumblefuck that is Guantanamo Bay Camp for Suspected Terrorist Boys.

    Well, kind of. But leaning toward not really

    Obama has already found that closing the prison is easier said than done. And if he fails, there'll be no shortage of Republicans to remind him that they told him so. On Wednesday, Senate Republicans voiced skepticism with the idea that the president would be able to break down a detention center housing what they claim most dangerous terrorists…

    "I don't want them in Texas," said Sen. John Cornyn, (R-TX). "I intend to write a letter saying, 'Don't send them here. And I would suspect there might be Senators from 50 states who say the same thing. I don't know."

    And there'd probably be at least 250 detainees writing similar letters agreeing with Cornyn about not being sent to Texas. (They may be suspected of terrorist activities, but that doesn't mean they're suspected of being stupid.)

    Even so, at least one congressperson so far has stepped up and nobly offered his district as a place to house the detainees

    "Sure, I'd take 'em," said [Pennsylvania's Rep. Jack] Murtha, an outspoken critic of the Iraq war. "They're no more dangerous in my district than in Guantanamo."

    Plus, he's probably pretty sure they'd vote Democrat.

    But, really, the problems of closing Guantanamo Bay are a lot more complicated than finding a state willing to take millions of dollars of additional funding to keep 250 people locked up in some outback location…

    The real challenges, however, are not political but legal in nature. The president and his lawyers will have to maneuver deftly in order to remove 250 detainees from a facility in under a year. Federal criminal trials will commence, and in some cases individuals will be transferred to other prisons.

    "You want to handle this situation methodically to avoid complications," said Sarah Mendelson, Director of the Human Rights and Security Initiative at the Center for Strategic and International Studies. "For every soul that has been held there you need to figure out each individual case and what the solution is. For those who can be released, there needs to be diplomatic arrangements. You can't send them to somewhere where they will be tortured."

    Oh well then, we definitely can't send them to Texas.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Guantanamo Bay, House of Representatives, John Cornyn, John Murtha, Pennsylvania, Senate, Texas
  • Hillary Clinton Confirmed as Secretary of State

    Texas Senator John Cornyn could slow the process down, but he couldn't hold back the inevitable.

    Hillary Clinton has been officially confirmed as the Secretary of State

    Republicans and Democrats alike said her swift confirmation was necessary so that Obama could begin tackling the major foreign policy issues at hand, including two wars, increased violence in the Middle East and the threat of a nuclear-armed Iran.

    "It is essential that we provide the president with the tools and resources he needs to effect change, and that starts with putting a national security team in place as soon as possible," said Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee.

    Absolutely! Barack Obama is going to need all the help he can get in lying to the United Nations and deciding which foreign country to invade.

    That is what secretaries of state do, right?

    In other news, David paterson has almost just about kinda sorta figured out a way to place Caroline Kennedy in Clinton's empty senate seat and somehow make it seem like a good decision.

    He's just tweaking the delivery a little bit, but he should be ready to give in to complete nepotism by the weekend.

    Tags: Caroline Kennedy, David Paterson, Hillary Clinton, International Affairs, John Cornyn, New York, Obama Administration, Senate, Texas