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John Hagee
  • Hitler is Just Alright With John Hagee

    If you haven't yet heard about Barack Obama's little "Jewish problem," all you really need to know is that, if he were elected president, he would be a terrible, terrible person for the Jews.

    Not like that nice man, Adolf Hitler, who did God's will by forcing those lazy Jewish people into getting off their butts and moving to Jerusalem.

    Wait a minute! Why did I just write something so disgustingly horrible, wrong-headed and patently ridiculous?!

    Oh, I know why. Because I have to write about American politics, and therefore it's my job to write about the ridiculous things that people like John Hagee — senior pastor of Texas' Cornerstone Church, not to mention good friend and supporter of John McCain — say.

    I hate my job

    Going in and out of biblical verse, Hagee preached: "'And they the hunters should hunt them,' that will be the Jews. 'From every mountain and from every hill and from out of the holes of the rocks.' If that doesn't describe what Hitler did in the holocaust you can't see that"…

    And that might be offensive to some people but don't let your heart be offended. I didn't write it, Jeremiah wrote it. It was the truth and it is the truth. How did it happen? Because God allowed it to happen. Why did it happen? Because God said my top priority for the Jewish people is to get them to come back to the land of Israel."

    So, God sent down the angel Adolphael to give his chosen people a subtle little nudge toward the Promised Land, huh?

    Where to start? Oh, how about here: Fuck you!

    That said, this guy is clearly an asshole, but that doesn't make John McCain an asshole by extension, just as Jeremiah Wright's asshole-ness doesn't make Barack Obama an asshole.

    John McCain and Barack Obama are perfectly capable of being assholes all on their own, thank you very much.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Jeremiah Wright, John Hagee, John McCain
  • No Retreat, No Surrender


    Washington is no different from Hollywood — it's full of famous names, ruthless backstabbers, and gossip bloggers willing to grossly exaggerate any anecdote to boost their readership. As former United States Senate Pages, Dylan and Ethan Ris were privy to backroom dealings, power grabs, and scandals that would make even Eliot Spitzer blush. Join the Pages as they get the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

    Item! Presidential nominee-to-be Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) turned even redder than usual this weekend when it was revealed that his appointed GOP convention chairman Doug Goodyear once lobbied for the firm representing the Myanmar military junta!

    And just when we Pages had begun to fear that Monk-beating, cyclone-victim-neglecting dictators no longer had a voice in Washington! Embarrassing as this news may be, it still beats the plan proposed by former candidate Mitt Romney (R-MA), which was to outsource the entire convention to Myanmar. Nonetheless, look for this awkward snafu to be cleared up long before the Rev. John Hagee delivers the convention’s opening prayer on September 1st!

    Who's the Boss? Speaking of John McCain, certain Nosey Nellies in Washington have questioned his choice of “No Surrender” as his presidential campaign theme, given that Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) had used Bruce Springsteen’s song of the same name in his bumbling attempt at the presidency in 2004.

    Although McCain is not using the Boss as his personal soundtrack, tempers are rising on both sides of the aisle. Still, we Pages have it on good word that Sen. Kerry will defuse the situation with class by retroactively changing his campaign song to "Surrender" by Cheap Trick!

    Tags: Bruce Springsteen, Congressional Confidential, John Hagee, John Kerry, John McCain, Mitt Romney, Myanmar, RNC
  • Someone Needs to Change John McCain's Batteries

    While touring New Orleans to survey the reconstruction efforts, John McCain found himself confronted with an insane thing one of his insane supporters once said. Specifically (I know, it's so hard to choose), reporters questioned McCain about the Rev. John Hagee's statement that Hurricane Katrina was God's revenge on the big gay city.

    McCain's synapses sprang into something that resembled action, but then they got kind of stuck

    Q: What is your reaction (to Hagee Katrina comments)?

    McCain: It's nonsense.

    Q: Would you withdraw accepting his endorsement?

    McCain: It's nonsense, it's nonsense, it's nonsense. It's nonsense. I don't have anything additional to say about that. It's nonsense.

    Q: Do you regret accepting his endorsement?

    McCain: It's nonsense. I don't have anything more to say about that. Of course — I apologize for that. It's nonsense.

    To recap: it's nonsense, John McCain doesn't have anything more to say about that, and he desperately needs to be plugged back in to his charger if this campaign is going to continue.

    Tags: John Hagee, John McCain