Secretary of State John "Human Ambien" Kerry's facility with French is well-known, even if he keeps his cunning linguistics hidden when he's on American soil.
But did you know he spoke German?
Kerry: [in German] Very good, thank you. All is well. Your shoes are fantastic, yes? [...] No, no, I can only speak a little German. But I would say, it is wonderful to be back herein Berlin. Thank you. And now I will speak in English because it's easier. [end of German]
Kerry thanked Prime Minister Mario Monti in Italian for his "spirit of friendship."
[Kerry] won praise from his Norwegian counterpart Espen Barth Eide, who said after talks at the State Department that Kerry "can even speak quite impressively Norwegian phrases."
Eide added, "Secretary Kerry made a very good poi– Zzzzzzzzzzzz…"
Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: France, Germany, Italy, John Kerry, Norway, Secretary of State
With Hillary Clinton racking up a record number of frequent-flyer miles during her stint as Secretary of State, there's almost no way for John Kerry to visit more countries than she did. Unless he invents some new ones! Perhaps his first destination will be "Kyrzakhstan," a country Kerry invented while thanking U.S. diplomats for their work in -stan-ridden Central Asia.
Some things you may not know about Kyrzakhstan:
Tags: Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, Secretary of State, State Department
When John Kerry replaces Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State later today and the era of Texts from Hillary gives way to Interminable Faxes from Kerry, it will be the first time in 7,317 days that a Clinton has not occupied a federal office. A great many people in the media cannot bear this thought, but fear not. There is no shortage of evidence that she'll run again in 2016.
Tags: 2016, Hillar Clinton, John Kerry, State Department
* Cycling goes back to its unadulterated state, from Funny or Die.
* If only more Nazis had done yoga.
* The New Yorker profiles John Kerry.
* Hey North Korea, don't get your panties in a wad.
* John Hodgman gives some sage advice to writers.
* Andrew Sullivan wants to correct the myth of Stonewall.
* Chris Gethard and Bobby Moynihan write "Alf Kills Hitler."
* The middle manager's sacred oath, from McSweeney's.
* Laughspin's newest podcast discusses Chris Rock, Stephen Colbert and more.
* These gifs explain what President Obama looked back to see at his inauguration.
Tags: Adolf Hitler, Andrew Sullivan, Barack Obama, Daily Links, Funny or Die, Horatio Sanz, John Hodgman, John Kerry, Kim Jong-un, Lance Armstrong, LGBT, Nazis, North Korea, Sports, Stonewall, The New Yorker
In which we take a look back at the departing federal lawmakers we'll miss most in 2013.
Name: Sen. Scott Brown (R-MA)
Leaving Congress Because: Defeated; too sexy?
Memorable Quote: "Each and every day that I've been a United States senator, I've been either discussing issues, meeting on issues, and secret meetings with kings and queens and prime ministers and business leaders and military leaders."
Greatest Accomplishment: Teaching us that the tomahawk chop is even more offensive outside a baseball stadium than inside one.
Why We'll Miss Him: Who else is going to pose for tasteful full-frontals on the Senate floor?
What He's Doing Next: Whispering "John Kerry for Secretary of State" into a severed pig ear, burying the pig ear, digging up the pig ear as soon as he sees a shooting star, then stringing the pig ear around a pigeon's neck. Wherever the pigeon lands, Brown will call the White House from his cellphone, saying "John Kerry" over and over again until President Obama hangs up. He will do this every day.
What the Future Holds for Him: Riding his pickup truck through the doors of his new Senate home when he takes over for Secretary of State Kerry. Realizes there is no such thing as a Senate home (when they're in D.C. they live in apartments, where they can do whatever without their wives knowing). Backs up slowly, and returns to one of his six houses.
Miss U Already: Ron Paul
Photo by Suzanne Kreiter/Boston Globe/Getty Images
Tags: John Kerry, Massachusetts, Republicans, Scott Brown, Senate