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John Kerry
  • It's Official: Mitt Romney Is a Bigger Loser Than John Kerry

    John KerryAfter failing to win Mississippi and Alabama, the latter of which seemed like a sure thing, Mitt Romney is officially a loser. Sure, he might be far ahead in the delegate count, but the prevailing mood among voters is that Mitt can't seal the deal .

    He's such a loser, in fact, that he's being slammed in the press by former aides of presidential loser par excellence John Kerry. According to David Wade, the Kerry campaign's national press secretary

    [O]ne 2012 meme sorely in need of fact-checking is the awkward parallel often drawn between John Kerry’s march and Mitt Romney’s long and bumpy slog toward their parties’ nominations… John Kerry didn’t limp to the Democratic nomination. Nor did he struggle consolidating his base the way Romney has.

    By the Iowa Jefferson-Jackson dinner in the fall of 2003, Kerry’s campaign had chosen a path to the nomination…That strategy proved successful. Kerry surged to win the Iowa caucuses by 6 points over his closet rival, John Edwards, who was himself surging on the crest of the all-important Des Moines Register endorsement. Moreover, Kerry topped presumptive Iowa frontrunner Vermont Gov. Howard Dean by 20 points and left Iowa with an approval rating of 77 percent among Democratic voters…

    Kerry went on to amass a won-loss record of 46-4. By July, Kerry-Edwards was besting Bush-Cheney nationally in NBC, CBS, Rasmussen, Zogby and AP polls.

    Wade makes some valid points. Romney's performance has been more unstable than Michele Bachmann.

    Romney is such a loser that even Walter Mondale would be offended by the comparison. If Rick Santorum wins the next several races, maybe he can lock up the nomination, and then shove Romney into a locker.

    Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: George W. Bush, John Kerry, Mitt Romney, Polls, Primaries
  • Mitt Romney Really Missed His Calling as a Democratic Nominee

    What is it with these Massachusetts liberal presidential candidates?

    There must be something in the Perrier.

    (Mitt Romney image via shortformblog)

    Tags: Democrats, John Kerry, Massachusetts, Michael Dukakis, Mitt Romney, Primaries, Republicans
  • John Kerry's Beaten Up Face Stops by the White House

    Yesterday, at a White House event celebrating the 2011 Stanley Cup-winning Boston Bruins, John Kerry showed up looking even more like a zombie than usual

    Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) was part of the ceremony honoring the Boston Bruins 2011 Stanley Cup win, appearing like he had just come from a knock-down, drag-out ruckus.

    Kerry, 68, suffered two black eyes and a broken nose during a "friendly game of hockey" with family and buddies over the Christmas break

    This is what it would look like if for Halloween John Kerry dressed up like an editorial cartoon version of himself from the day after the 2004 election.

    Because politicians are like Native Americans — in that they use every part of the buffalo — the bones of this story were used to fashion a crude, blunt object for hitting Mitt Romney

    "A broken nose, two black eyes," his spokeswoman Whitney Smith confirmed in an e-mail.

    Of course she couldn't resist taking her own partisan slapshot in this highly competitive political season.

    "He must feel like Mitt Romney after South Carolina," she quipped, referring to the former Bay State governor and now-embattled GOP presidential contender.

    John Kerry can laugh about this without seeming petty because he also lost easy elections against idiots.

    Photo by Joshua Roberts/Bloomberg/Getty Images


    Tags: John Kerry, Mitt Romney, White House
  • John Kerry Paid Less in Taxes Than Mitt Romney

    The big news today is that Mitt Romney makes $13∂,ß72 gazillion every year and pays approximately $37 in taxes . Or something to that effect. The real question, though, is how the news rate will affect his standing in the eyes of the voters. Can a person be an effective candidate while paying so much less in taxes than the people he's asking to vote for him?

    Well, as it turns out, there is historical precedent for Romney's situation. 2000 Democratic nominee John Kerry had an even lower tax rate — according to this chart from The Washington Post — and just think of what a great candidate he was…

    On another note, what the hell is up with John McCain? Yeesh! Clearly, he chooses his accountants the way he chooses his campaign managers.

    And his running mates.

    Tags: John Kerry, John McCain, Mitt Romney, Money, Primaries, Republicans, Taxes