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John Thune
  • Read an Excerpt from Arlen Specter's New Erotic Novel

    With the glut of political memoirs out there, it's hard for legislators to make their books stand out. When you've led a life of congressional hearings, policy discussions and campaigning, let's face it, your life is kind of boring.

    But there is one sure-fire way to spice of a memoir — sex. Just take a look at these passages from Arlen Specter's new book

    Once, during lengthy waits for massages while we used a temporary gym in the Dirksen Building, I was walking undressed to the last table. Another senator, also naked, walked briskly, perhaps at a slight run, and slipped in ahead of me. That was something that senators just don't do.…

    [Palin] was a total charmer, very friendly. The few things she said were intelligent. We were sitting virtually knee to knee in the cramped bus, and she radiated sensuality. Her skirt rode above her knees — not exactly short, but close…

    [Sen.] John Thune, who looked like a movie star in or out of clothes, was constantly stretching. His lanky body seemed to have some kinks to iron out.

    In those steamy sentences, you can really feel Specter's burning desire to return to an era of civility in the Senate. By the time he left in 2011, all courtesy and collegiality had been completely blown away, like Nancy Pelosi's skimpy sundress on a windy D.C. day.

    Of course, Specter didn't have the hots for all his fellow legislators. He likens the image of Sen. Ted Kennedy getting into a hot tub to "a gigantic walrus… plung[ing] into the sea." Well, Kennedy was supposedly a giant of the Senate.

    Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Arlen Specter, Books, John Thune, Sarah Palin, Senate, Sex, Ted Kennedy
  • John Thune Announces He Will Not Be Losing the GOP Nomination Next Year

    Aw, man! Who left the clown car door open? All the clowns are getting out!

    U.S. Sen. John Thune says he decided not to run for president next year after concluding he'd have a difficult time fundraising and that President Barack Obama would be tough to beat.

    The South Dakota Republican told The Associated Press on Tuesday that he's not as well-known and wouldn't be able to raise as much money as other potential GOP candidates. But he's not backing any one person because he doesn't know who will end up in the race.

    Between this morning disheartening bleak story on Mike Huckabee's can't-do attitude toward running and now this, I'm starting to get a little worried about the entertainment value of the coming GOP battle royale. Right now, though, I'm just trying to keep everything in perspective.

    I'll tell you what, though. If I wake up tomorrow and find out that Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann are having second thoughts, I might just lose the will to go on.

    Tags: John Thune, Primaries, Republicans, Senate, South Dakota
  • Mitch McConnell Is So Over Bipartisan SOTU Seating

    Seriously, girls, Mitch McConnell could not care less about this stupid effing call for Democrats and Republicans to sit together at the State of the Union address. And he wants you to know why

    "I mean the seating arrangement at the SOTU in the end is going to mean absolutely nothing," McConnell told a gathering of journalists and DC observer-types gathered by Politico this morning. "The question is can we come together on substantive issues."

    Then, just like any other bitchy high school girl, he made with the sarcasm…

    "I think from the president's point of view it ends up being distracting because cameras may be for example on teams that are sitting around in the audience. 'Who's sitting with who? My goodness there's Sen. Gillibrand [D-NY] sitting with Senator Thune [R-SD]!'"

    Well, maybe it doesn't mean anything to Mitch McConnell, but it means something to some of us! Some of us having been eagerly anticipating the unveiling of the SOTU seating arrangements since forever ago. Some of us have a lot riding on who sits with whom. Some of us are going to have to pay a very big, very mean loan shark tons and tons of our hard-earned ducats if Krissy Gillibrand doesn't sit with Johnny Thune, and we're having a really hard time laughing about this whole thing, okay, Mitch?!?!?!

    Tags: Bipartisanship, John Thune, Kirsten Gillibrand, Mitch McConnell, Senate, State of the Union
  • Stephen Colbert on 2012 Hopeful John Thune's Presidenciminess

    by Dina Hashem

    European gambling websites Intrade and Betfair have placed their bets on Republican nominees for the 2012 election. And I say Blasphemy! How dare they cheapen our government in such a way? Gambling should be reserved for games of chance, where outcomes are decided arbitrarily and lack thoughtful deliberation and rationality. That’s nothing like American politics!

    But that aside, they’ve placed a surprise bet on South Dakota Sen. John Thune. Sure, you’ve never heard of him, and he’s only polling at 2 percent, behind nominees Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin. But he has the most important quality among them: "Looking presidential." And you have to admit, those other guys just don't look so much like presidents as they do like douchebags…

    The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Gambling, Haley Barbour, John Thune, Mitt Romney, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video