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Jon Corzine
  • Six Elections to Pretend to Pay Attention to Tomorrow

    I know that tomorrow isn't a real Election Day. But still, we can all pretend. Right?



    New Jersey Gubernatorial Race – Jon Corzine (D) vs. Chris Christie (R)

    Why should you pretend to care?

    Like a lot of elections this year, this will probably have less to do with whether New Jersians want to give Corzine another shot in office and more to do with Barack Obama is a Satanist Muslim from Kenya NO MORE TAXES FOR JESUS!! So, you know, I guess we'll see.


    Virginia Gubernatorial Race – Bob McDonnell (R) vs. Creigh Deeds (D)

    Who gives a shit?

    As it turns out, Sarah Palin gives a shit. She, it would seem, gives a huge shit. The 2012 presidential hopeful has been expending some political cash and releasing her robot doppelganger to go robo-calling Virginites and asking them to "vote for Sarah's principles." Also, if they'd buy her new book, that'd probably be pretty okay, too.


    New York's 23rd Congressional District Race – Bill Owens (D) vs. Doug Hoffman (C)

    Can you just sleep through this?

    You can, but you'll be missing one of the finest examples of conservative implosions in weeks. This was supposed to be a race between Owens and Republican Dede Scozzafava. But then conservatives decided Scozzafava was — and I quote — "a radical leftist," because they're pretty much cartoon characters pretending to be real people. So, in turn, Scozzafava responded by dropping out and supporting the Democrat. Hi-Larry-ous! This one should actually be entertaining for real.


    New York City Mayoral Race – Incumbent Michael Bloomberg vs. William Thompson

    So what?

    So, this all boils down to the single most important political question since the beginning of time: Why not just buy this election? The answer: Sure, why not.


    Maine's Proposition 1 and Washington's Referendum 71

    What it to you?

    Well, it's not really anything to you. Unless you're gay. Or have a gay family member. Or know somebody who's gay. Or just support equality in civil rights and the ideals set forth in the Constitution of the United States.

    If not, though, I guess you can just ignore this one.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Owens, Chris Christie, Dede Scozzafava, Doug Hoffman, Election Day, House of Representatives, Jon Corzine, LGBT, Maine, Marriage Equality, Michael Bloomberg, New Jersey, New York, New York City, Sarah Palin, Virginia, Washington
  • Monty Python Threatens Lawsuit Against Rep. Chris Christie (or How to Tell Copyright Infringement From Quite a Far Way Away)

    Say what you want about Republican gubernatorial candidate Chris Christie, but he knows a little something about the good people of New Jersey. In Texas, they may like candidates who strongly defend the right to bear arms. And in Wisconsin, a fine knowledge of dairy issues might secure you votes. But in New Jersey, it's all about referencing vintage British comedy.

    Why else would Christie's campaign have produced a spot lifting old Monty Python footage wholesale while attacking Senator Corzine's alleged plans to hike tolls? It's all about giving the people what they want. And in a rough and tumble state like Jersey, you can't be sweating the small stuff like copyright laws either. That's why Christie apparently posted the spot with no authority from the Pythons. Because, y'know, that's what the kids are doing.

    And now Christie's plan's all coming together. Just listen to the press he's getting from New Jersey's favorite adopted sons: Michael "hearts Trenton" Palin and Terry "Jersey City Rocks" Jones…

    "I'm surprised that a former U.S. Attorney isn't aware of his copyright infringement when he uses our material without permission. He's clearly made a terrible mistake."

    Monty Python's Terry Jones says that the troupe is strongly considering suing the Republican for his copyright infringement:

    "It is totally outrageous that a former US Attorney knows so little about the law that he thinks he can rip off people. On the other hand — another of Bush's legal appointees was Alberto Gonzales and he didn't seem to know much about the law either…," Jones said.

    With press like that Christie probably doesn't even need to run that second spot about Corzine's liberal agenda over images of Benny Hill patting the old guy on the head.

    Tags: Chris Christie, Jon Corzine, Monty Python, New Jersey
  • New Jersey Governor and Clinton Supporter Might Be Lousy Traitor

    One of Hillary Clinton's biggest superdelegates may be prepared to flip before the convention

    New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine (D), who has already endorsed Sen. Hillary Clinton, said in a CNBC interview this morning that he may cast his vote at the Democratic convention for Sen. Barack Obama if Clinton doesn't win the popular vote.

    While Corzine emphasized he still thinks Clinton will win the popular vote, he did open the door to a possible switch.

    Yes, of course he thinks Senator Clinton will win the popular vote. We all think that Senator Clinton will win the popular vote. Please just don't hurt us anymore. Just let us go home. Just let us go home. We have wives and families.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Jon Corzine, New Jersey