Queen Pelosi Is Painting Karl Rove Red

The Queen of Bleeding Hearts is making trouble again. When asked about the contempt of Congress charges against Attorney General Eric Holder yesterday, Nancy Pelosi gave a terrible grimace, frightening enough to chill the blood of every reporter in her vicinity (we can imagine), and said…

"I could have arrested Karl Rove on any given day," the California Democrat told reporters. "I’m not kidding. There’s a prison here in the Capitol. If we had spotted him in the Capitol, we could have arrested him."

Karl Rove guffawed at the thought of being banished to the Capitol's tower, nearly falling off the wall he was sitting on, which would have been a shame as all of George Bush's men are no longer there to put him back together again…

"You know, she sounds a little bit like Inspector Clouseau and a little bit [like] the Mad Red Queen, but Speaker Pelosi was dead wrong in her assertion today and I'm sure she had a good laugh and it's nice to know that she dreams of slapping me in her own personal jail. But she didn't have any authority to do it," Rove said.

Both Rove and Pelosi seem to be having a little too much fun imagining a game of prisoner and captor. If there wasn't such a thing as erotic political fan fiction before this, there certainly is now, and the fantasy on the other side of this looking glass is a not age appropriate for Alice. Get a dungeon already, you two.

Photo by Justin Sullivan/Staff/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: Karl Rove, Nancy Pelosi

Karl Rove Appeals to Youth Vote with Charlie Brown References [VIDEO]

Apparently because Doonesbury is too liberal and Garfield is too edgy, Karl Rove has settled on Charlie Brown as the perfect comic strip character with which to mock the president. Check out the video his American Crossroads super PAC put together of Obama's recent economics address. (Don't worry, it's short.)

My favorite part? When they translate Obama's words into "Vote for me, or you'll probably die." If anyone can spot that rhetoric, it's the guy who ran George W. Bush's campaign.

I'm just bummed Obama didn't slump away from the podium after the speech. I love the piano that goes with that.

Tags: American Crossroads, Barack Obama, Karl Rove, Republicans, Super PACs

Karl Rove Accuses Barack Obama of Being "Cool"

Karl Rove's American Crossroads PAC just came out with a new internet ad called "Cool," in which they accuse President Obama of being… well, cool. Should be very effective, I'm sure…

This might not seem so damning on its own, but once AC releases the follow-ups: "Handsome," "Athletically Built" and "Actually Kind of a Nice Guy When You Get to Talking to Him," I'm guessing the campaign will really start eating into the President's poll numbers.

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Related: Karl Rove Yawns at Osama bin Laden Killing

Tags: Barack Obama, Karl Rove, Super PACs

Karl Rove Yawns at Osama bin Laden Killing

Jeeze. Karl Rove sure a hard guy to impress. What do you have to do — short of starting two wars and decimating your country's good-standing in the world — to get this guy to admit you achieved anything of note?

"As for the killing of Osama bin Laden, Mr. Obama did what virtually any commander in chief would have done in the same situation.

"Even President Bill Clinton says in the film "that's the call I would have made." For this to be portrayed as the epic achievement of the first term tells you how bare the White House cupboards are."*

Well, not any commander in chief.

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^{* Let's ignore that that's a misquoting and misrepresentation of Bill Clinton, because, really, it's closer to a truthful statement than the inventor os Karl Rove's secret math has made in months.}

Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tags: al Qaeda, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, George Bush, Karl Rove, Military, Mitt Romney, Osama bin Laden, Terrorism

What Is Sarah Palin's Endorsement Worth?

In a conference call this morning, Karl Rove used some of his special secret math to calculate the value of Sarah Palin lending her support to Newt Gingrich and concluded that it "demonstrated that endorsements don't mean snot," which, quite frankly, we found to be a bit vague.

So, we pulled out our own special secret calculators and did our best to figure out a more specific means of placing a value on the partial-term governor's endorsement…

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Tags: Karl Rove, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans, Sarah Palin