Jon Stewart Reports on Defeated 9/11 Heath Care Bill, Gives Up

In one week, Congress achieved two-thirds support for a bill allowing victims of bankruptcy to keep their guns and failed to achieve the same two-thirds support for a bill to grant health care to 9/11 responders.

This is good, because it means that even after these responders use up all their life savings seeking treatment for the airborne chemical-induced emphysema that makes each new breath a living nightmare, they'll still have something to shoot themselves in the face with. Thanks, Congress!

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: 9/11, Anthony Weiner, Dana Perino, Dave Camp, Economy, Fox, Guns, Health Care, House of Representatives, Immigration, John Shimkus, Jon Stewart, Kevin Brady, Republicans, Taxes, The Daily Show, Video

A Dramatic Call for Tim Geithner's Resignation, Dramatized

REP. KEVIN BRADY (R-TX): You suck. I hate you. Everybody hates you.

TIM GEITHNER: That's not true. Everybody hates the economic crisis, which is what I'm trying to fix.

REP. KEVIN BRADY: No. In the last nine months you, personally, have fired millions of people from their jobs. I think you need a hobby. One that does not involve singlehandedly destroying our economy. If you like numbers, perhaps you should try Sudoku.

TIM GEITHNER: Do you not even remember the past eight years?

REP. KEVIN BRADY: Maybe I'd have more time to remember things if I didn't have to spend all my time worrying about you destroying our economy.

TIM GEITHNER: Jesus fucking Christ.

REP. KEVIN BRADY: I demand that you resign, right now. Give me the keys to your office. And your tie.

TIM GEITHNER: Are you serious?

REP. DARRELL ISSA (R-CA): Kevin! You stole my line!

SEN. CHARLES SCHUMER (D-NY): Hey, can we talk about Chinese currency manipulation for a sec?

TIM GEITHNER: Yes, fine, I'll get on that, Chuck, but ISN'T IT INTERESTING that I can singlehandedly destroy the economy yet I have to ask all these other people before I can impose a few simple trade sanctions on China? Isn't that INTERESTING, Rep. Brady?

REP. KEVIN BRADY: I CAN'T HEAR YOU. I'M SHOUTING TOO LOUD.

The End! (Except, you know, not.)

Tags: China, Chuck Schumer, Darrell Issa, Economy, Kevin Brady, Obama Administration, Timothy Geithner

Less Taxes! More Electrolytes!

This moment in teabag-mentality is brought to you by Brawndo. Brawndo! It's got the critical thinking skills plants crave!

Protesters who attended Saturday's Tea Party rally in Washington found a new reason to be upset: Apparently they are unhappy with the level of service provided by the subway system.

Rep. Kevin Brady asked for an explanation of why the government-run subway system didn't, in his view, adequately prepare for this past weekend's rally to protest government spending and government services.

Seriously.

The Texas Republican on Wednesday released a letter he sent to Washington's Metro system complaining that the taxpayer-funded subway system was unable to properly transport protesters to the rally to protest government spending and expansion.

We now return you to your regularly depressing outlook on society.

(via Balloon Juice)

Tags: 9/12, House of Representatives, Kevin Brady, Socialism, Tea Party, Texas, Washington