If you squint your eyes a little bit, Larry Flynt looks like a Salvador Dali painting of Donald Trump. But that isn't the only similarity between the two.
There's also the riches, the bankruptcies, the women, the ego, the complete lack of class, the penchant for drama and the Faustian bargain they both made with the Devil. Sweet Jesus, are we sure these two weren't separated at birth? Does it say anything about a twin on Trump's birth certificate? I demand proof!
Speaking of which, that's another thing these two have in common: They're both political conspiracy theorists…
The Hustler publisher bought full-page ads in The Washington Post and USA Today,promising "$1 Million for information about Mitt Romney’s unreleased tax returns and/or details of his offshore assets, bank accounts, and business partnerships."
The ads also ran in papers in Zurich, Bermuda, and the Cayman Islands, home to some of the world’s most infamous tax shelters. The unanswered question, in Flynt’s mind: What is Romney hiding?
That's the million dollar question. What is Romney hiding?
Tags: Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Larry Flynt
Are you a woman who has engaged in heterosexual sex with Texas Gov. Rick Perry? Or a man who has engaged in homosexual sex with Mr. Perry? How about a hermaphrodite who's had both heterosexual and homosexual sex with Mr. Perry? A horse who's had zoophilic barnyard sex with him?
Okay, how about this? What if you're a deceased male kangaroo rebuilt with machine parts who has had pan-hemispheric necro-homosexual zoophilic ASFR sex with Rick Perry? Anything?
Well, maybe you just have pictures?
Whatever you have, just get in touch with Hustler publisher Larry Flynt because he wants to give you a million dollars (U.S. unfortunately) for evidence of such an "illicit sexual liaison"…
Los Angeles-based Larry Flynt Productions, which publishes Hustler, said it bought full-page advertisements in the weekly editions of the U.S. satirical tabloid The Onion and the Austin Chronicle, a Texas alternative paper, seeking evidence of any Perry peccadilloes…
A copy of the most recent ad circulated to the media by Flynt's company read, "Have you had a gay or straight sexual encounter with Governor Rick Perry?"
"Can you provide documented evidence of illicit sexual or intimate relations with the governor? Larry Flynt and Hustler magazine will pay you up to $1 million if we choose to publish your verified story and use your material."
You know, I have a lot of pictures of a lot of things on my computer. And I went through them all, and I don't think any of them are Rick Perry. Well, I mean, this one guy is wearing a My Little Pony mask, so, maybe? But his chest hair seems to gray to be Perry's.
Of course, I do have this one here. But, I don't know, it's kinda blurry.
Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Larry Flynt, LGBT, Money, Porn, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Scandalgate, Sex
Ben Greenman's musical got me thinking. We need more spectacle in the blogosphere. And, as much as I love musicals, that's not really my forté. I'm much better at writing Arthur Miller-style heart-wrenching gritty dramas. So, take a look at this when you get a chance. It's kind of a work in progress.
The curtain rises on two Republican politicians speaking to one another.
Republican #1: So, about Weiner. We're gonna make this guy resign, right?
Republican #2: Oh, totally! There's no way that we can allow a man with such low moral principles to serve in the highly esteemed United States Congress.
Republican #1: Exactly! Our bicameral legislative branch is a shining paragon of morality. It can never be sullied by the base habits of a man who uses his genitals for anything other than the sacred act of procreation.
Republican #2: I couldn't have said it better myself. And another thing–
Sen. David Vitter enters, interrupts.
Sen. David Vitter: Hey, guys! Wassup?! Listen, you're coming to my fundraiser tonight, right? Gotta keep the ol' Vitter doin' his thang on the Senate floor, comprende?
Republican #1: Oh, absolutely!
Republican #2: I wouldn't miss it for anything!
Sen. David Vitter: Excellent. I'll see you over there. Gotta make a quick pit stop at drugstore and pick up some Huggies for my, uh… baby… Alright, goodbye.
Sen. David Vitter leaves.
Republican #1: So, who do you like for President?
Republican #1: I'm leaning toward Newt.
Inspired by this segment from The Rachel Maddow Show…
Photo by Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images
Tags: Anthony Weiner, Anthony Weiner's Penis, Bob Livingston, David Vitter, House of Representatives, Larry Flynt, MSNBC, Porn, Prostitution, Rachel Maddow, Senate, Sex
So, it's looking like Fred Phelps — who, along with his daughter, is testifying before the Supreme Court this week to defend his and the Westboro Baptist Church's constitutional right to be the most horrible fucking collection of people imaginable right in the face of grieving people at funerals — is all set to go down in U.S. history as a hero of free speech alongside pornographer Larry Flynt.
Life, as the French say, is étrange…
At the Huffington Post, Geoffrey Stone predicts that "the Supreme Court will hold that the jury verdict in this case violated the First Amendment." In an opinion piece for the Wall Street Journal, Eugene Volokh argues that the Court would be wrong to hold otherwise: "judges and juries shouldn’t be free to decide, case by case, that some particular message at a demonstration or on a Web site is so outrageous that it loses constitutional protection." Jamie Raskin at ACSblog agrees that "we cannot silence the utterly annoying Rev. Phelps except by promoting the values that he despises."
Perhaps unsurprisingly, the editorial boards of several major newspapers urge the Court to hold that the contested speech is protected by the First Amendment. The editorial board of the New York Times contends that "it is in the interest of the nation that strong language about large issues be protected, even when it is hard to do so." The editorial board of the Baltimore Sun agrees, maintaining that "[t]he First Amendment's guarantee of freedom of speech would be meaningless if it didn’t protect the most unpopular and offensive forms of expression." As do the editorial boards of the Washington Post, which contends that "everyone’s rights will be eroded" if "Westboro's vitriol is deemed unworthy of First Amendment protection," and the Los Angeles Times, which emphasizes that the case will "have reverberations in settings far removed from military funerals."
It feels weird to say that I'm thankful for Phelps and WBC and what they're doing, so I think I'll just say "ham sandwich."
Tags: Bill of Rights, Christianity, Constitution, Fred Phelps, Larry Flynt, Porn, Religion, Supreme Court, Westboro Baptist Church