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Levi Johnston
  • Levi Johnston Has Been Wholly Digested by the Palin Family

    The pod Palin people have got to Levi! Game over, man! Game over!

    "Last year, after Bristol and I broke up, I was unhappy and a little angry. Unfortunately, against my better judgment, I publicly said things about the Palins that were not completely true," he tells People exclusively.

    "I have already privately apologized to Todd and Sarah. Since my statements were public, I owe it to the Palins to publicly apologize."

    Hmmmmm… Maybe I'm being unfair to Johnston. I suppose it's possible that I'm too quickly jumping to the conclusion that there's some degree of coercion just barely visible just beneath the surface of that not-at-all-written-for-him-by-a-PR-firm statement to People Magazine. Maybe Levi is being completely sincere in this all-of-a-sudden 180-degree public about-face we've seen in the past couple weeks.

    Oh, what's this? Why, it appears to be an excerpt from a post by Levi's sister Mercede Johnston, who has recently promised to "answer all questions related to the Palin family" in blog-form. I think that I will read it…

    The message was from my mother saying that Levi, who has not spoken to us since he rekindled his relationship with Bristol (although we had attempted repeatedly to call or text him), left a message saying that if I did not take my blog down by Wednesday that I would never get to see him, or Tripp, again.

    I could not believe it! I thought to myself if he was really willing to make such a threat that he would at least have the decency to call me and talk about it first. I mentioned on my blog repeatedly that my intention was not to hurt or attack the Palins, but to speak out and tell the public my side of the story. As well as how badly my life, and the lives of our family members, had been impacted by our association with the Palins.

    It had my mind spinning. How could my brother threaten me like this?

    He's not your Levi Johnston anymore! Quickly, sever his head and drive a moose steak through his heart! Do it now, you fool!

    (via Andrew Sullivan)


    Tags: Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin, Tripp Johnston-Palin
  • The Top 27 Political Bastards of All Time (The Real Kind)


    Here's a riddle. What's conceived in sin; takes nine months to complete; and makes for some sticky situations upon its unwelcomed arrival? That's right, a completely convoluted Indecision article that lists famous illegitimate political offspring while simultaneously promoting the season premiere of The Sarah Silverman Program, entitled "The Proof Is in the Penis." Oh, except Indecision didn't give me nine months to write this. More like five days. And I guess I didn't really conceive it in sin, although between you and me, my silk boxers do feel pretty sweet beneath my blogging pants.

    Now before you go complaining about who I left off, keep in mind that I was looking not only for political progeny born to unmarried parents, but also people who — when organized in list form — would make you, the reader, want to tune in for Sarah Silverman's premiere episode, "The Proof Is in the Penis" this Thursday at 10:30pm / 9:30c. Did I accomplish this? Hey, who's wearing the blogging pants around here. Spoiler alert: Not me as of twenty seconds ago.

    .

    27. John Edwards' daughter Frances Quinn Hunter

    When John Edwards burst on the National political scene in 2000, he was like nothing we'd ever seen. The guy just didn't lie like a politician. Unfortunately, he lied a lot like a trial lawyer. And in 2008, we learned that John Edwards could lie like other things too.

    For example, like that guy your mom called your "uncle" when your dad was away on business trips. In any event, Edwards' affair with Rielle Hunter came to light in 2008, and while he admitted his wrongdoing, he was also adamant that Ms. Hunter's baby girl was not his. Turns out that was also a lie.

    Fast-forward to 2010 and now Edwards has admitted that Frances Quinn is his daughter. This might be the first time a two-year-old's first sentence has been, "No, dude. Seriously. It's O.K."

    Read More »


    Tags: Bristol Palin, Christianity, France, Grover Cleveland, John Edwards, Levi Johnston, Paraguay, Racism, Religion, Rielle Hunter, Sarah Palin, Scandalgate, Senate, Sex, South Africa, South Carolina, Strom Thurmond, Tripp Johnston-Palin
  • Levi Johnston Will Fight Bristol Palin in Public (Where Else?)

    levi-johnston-bristol-palinLevi Johnston is suing his former girlfriend Bristol Palin for custody of their one-year-old son Tripp Sasquatch Carhartt Doohickey Johnston-Palin, in court, because Bristol was all UGH and then Levi was all OMG and then Bristol was all WHATEVER and then Levi took off his clothes for Playgirl, which is so typical of kids these days.

    The point is, a judge in Alaska has ruled that the juicy proceedings must be made public, just like Levi's bottom…

    Bristol Palin sought to have the case sealed from the public, arguing that would be in Tripp's best interest. She asked for a gag order so no one could talk about it. She wanted all filings to be under the pseudonyms Jane and John Doe. [...]

    Johnston fought to allow the custody matter to unfold in public, saying in a sworn statement that doing so would help put everyone on best behavior. He noted that [Bristol's attorney Thomas] Van Flein also represents Sarah Palin.

    "I know that public scrutiny will simplify this matter and act as a check against anyone's need to be overly vindictive, aggressive or malicious, not that Bristol would ever be that way, nor that I would. But her mother is powerful, politically ambitious and has a reputation for being extremely vindictive," Johnston said in his affidavit. "So, I think a public case might go a long way in reducing Sarah Palin's instinct to attack."

    What a terrible family tragedy.

    Apparently Levi Johnston has never met his son's grandmother.


    Tags: Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin, Tripp Johnston-Palin
  • Levi Johnston Is Now a Gay Icon? Um, Okay, I Guess

    I don't think anybody was expecting things to work out this way with the "fucking redneck" from last year's news cycle…


    What does it mean that the 19-year-old single father who just posed nude in Playgirl continually sounds more grounded, sedate and reasonable than his 45-year-old former governor mother-in-law presidential hopeful?

    And — let's be honest — it's not like he speaks particularly impressively.

    (via Gotcha Media)


    Tags: Levi Johnston, LGBT, Sarah Palin
  • Levi Johnston Naked (The Second Biggest Result of John McCain's Campaign) Is Available for Public Perusal


    If you're wondering what that sound you didn't hear over the weekend wasn't, it was most likely the non-sound of Levi Johnston's naked de-penised photographs finally hitting the Internet [NSFW].

    I looked at them, and — even taking into account that I'm way too slovenly and disinterested in expensive kinds of cheese to be gay — I was kind of meh. I don't know what I was expecting, but the media told me to expect a lot, and this was just some naked dude in a shower. And, ya know, I've seen Oz, so this wasn't anything new.

    Any afficianados of naked dudes in showers care to weigh in?

    Also, has anybody Twittered these to John McCain yet? I'm curious about what he thinks of his handywork.


    Tags: John McCain, Levi Johnston