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Lindsey Graham
  • General James Mattis Is Dreamier Than Zac Efron

    It's been a few days since we peered into the world of America's New Boyfriend, General James Mattis. In other words, it's been far too long! What awesome, straight-shootin' thing did he say at his confirmation hearing to be the head of Central Command? Look like he sounded off on the WikiLeaks scandal!

    He called the leak "grossly irresponsible" and said the documents revealed nothing new. "It didn't tell us anything, that I've seen so far, that we weren't  already aware of," Mattis said.

    "One of the newspaper headlines was that war is a tense and dangerous thing," he said. "Well, if that is news, I don't know who it is news to that's on this planet."

    YESSS! Mattis 1, Mainstream Media -92,000!

    Seriously, the guy has a point. In terms of quantity, the WikiLeaks thing is the biggest leak of classified data in the history of ever. That in and of itself is a huge deal. But beyond the ginormous, epic size of the leak, does it really tell us anything we didn't already know? The war sucks, Afghanistan is hopelessly corrupt and craptastic, and the Taliban are doing just fine, thank you for asking. These sorts of major security breaches are always interesting to major political dorks/news nerds (ahem, none of THEM around these parts!) but in the end, did the American people learn anything really important? Meh.

    Let's get back to comely James Mattis!

    In response to questioning from Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., Mattis said he expects fighting and casualties to increase.

    "I believe it will be a difficult summer and into the fall," Mattis said. "We will have some bad days ahead, but so long as we hold fast and adapt faster than the enemy, the enemy's situation will continue to worsen."

    This is probably the closest we will ever get to hearing a modern-day general say, "Yeah, it's gonna suck and tons of people are gonna die. But I still think we can make it shittier for the other side in the end." And BTW, don't you love the way he says "the enemy?" This is a Mattis Thing, apparently. It is old-fashioned and adorable, and what was this post about anyway? Oh, evs, confirmation hearings, he's pretty much a shoo-in. A HANDSOME, SINGLE shoo-in! SWOON.

    Tags: Afghanistan, James Mattis, Lindsey Graham, Military, Senate, Taliban, WikiLeaks
  • Right-Wing Anti-Abortion Activists Plan to "Burn, Hang or Beat" Sen. Lindsey Graham for "Fun" "Comedy"

    It's Randall Terry — founder of the conservative anti-abortion group Operation Rescue — and he is hopping mad at South Carolina Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham for voting in favor of vehement baby killer Elena Kagan for the Supreme Court.

    How hopping mad is he? This hopping mad

    First of all, I think it's important to commend Mr. Terry on his decision to stand directly in front of the Chicken Man while delivering his heartfelt plea to be taken seriously on this serious issue. ("Okay, Mr. Terry, where should we set up? We literally have an infinite number of camera positions to choose from… Oh, right here? That is exactly what I was going to suggest.")

    Second of all…

    “We are either going to burn, hang or beat Senator Lindsey Graham in effigy. And we're going to make comedy out of it, and it’s gonna be a lot of fun.”

    Oh, so they're going to "make comedy" out of a make-believe public murdering of a U.S. politician? Why, that does sound like "a lot of fun"! Yay! Although his assurances concerning the jocularity of the fantasy hate crime does seem a tad unnecessary. When have you ever been to a pretend brutal execution that wasn't uproariously hilarious family entertainment? Yippee!!!

    Hey, if you're going to this "fun" "comedy" event, make sure to pack a picnic basket and bring the kids! And get ready for a nooseful of laffs!

    Update: Some photos from today's burning/hanging/beating have already popped up. Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!

    Tags: Abortion, Elena Kagan, Lindsey Graham, Randall Terry, Senate, South Carolina, Supreme Court
  • Jon Stewart on Michael Steele's Afghanistan Comments

    I don't have to tell you the unemployment news continue to be bleak out there. According to new statistics released last week, the number of so-called "discouraged workers" has more than doubled since this time last year. Of course the really interesting part is the workers aren't nearly as discouraged that they don't have a job as they are that Michael Steele does.

    The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

    Tags: Afghanistan, Jim DeMint, Jon Stewart, Lindsey Graham, Michael Steele, Muppets, Republicans, RNC, The Daily Show, Wyatt Cenac
  • Lindsey Graham Brings It to the Tea Party

    Earlier today, Dennis linked to an article from the New York Times in which Sen. Lindsey Graham — America's purtiest senator — made a stunning revelation about his lack of torrid sexual affair with recently-self-outed Puerto Rican manwich Ricky Martin.

    But what Dennis neglected to mention was how the South Carolinian senator verbally smacked down the Tea Party in the same NYT profile…

    "The problem with the Tea Party, I think it's just unsustainable because they can never come up with a coherent vision for governing the country. It will die out," said Graham, who has come under fire from the right for being excessively moderate and compromising with Democrats.

    Go on, girl! Don't hold back now!

    On four occasions, Graham met with Tea Party groups. The first, in his Senate office, was "very, very contentious," he recalled. During a later meeting, in Charleston, Graham said he challenged them: " 'What do you want to do? You take back your country — and do what with it?'… Everybody went from being kind of hostile to just dead silent."

    When Lindsey Graham shows up to a meeting with his face greased up, his hair pulled back tight, and his ring turned around, you know this chola is ready to bring it, bitches!  You know Sharron Angle would never engage in a Mexican style of fighting, because she hates all Latinos everywhere, and also their extremely delicious tortilla chips. So she would fight like a white girl, and Lindseylita would destroy. Viva La Graham!

    Tags: Lindsey Graham, New York Times, Senate, Sharron Angle, South Carolina, Tea Party
  • Quote Unquote: Lindsey Graham Denies Living La Vida LGBT

    Sen. Lindsey Graham — 54 years old, never married, fey — addresses rumors that he just invented that he is dating a certain Latin pop star…

    "Like maybe I’m having a clandestine affair with Ricky Martin. I know it's really gonna upset a lot of gay men — I'm sure hundreds of ’em are gonna be jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge — but I ain't available. I ain't gay. Sorry."

    It's not the part about him being unmarried in his fifties and precious as a bag of decorative porcelain hammers that makes me question his assertions. It's the part about him being a Republican. Nowadays, I just assume it until its proven otherwise. And he's not doing much to convince me.

    (via The War Room)

    Tags: LGBT, Lindsey Graham, Quote Unquote, Senate, South Carolina