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Liz Cheney
  • Tweet Untweet: A Dream Deferred

    Tags: Liz Cheney, Military, Tweet Untweet, Twitter, Women's Rights
  • Dick Cheney and Liz Cheney Disagree About Sarah Palin's Greatness

    Dick Cheney knows a thing or two about the responsibilities of a U.S. Vice President. First of all, he or she has to set a tone for the administration. Is this going to be a semi-transparent engine of national growth and heath or will it be a draconian death grinder of American populist ideals? Tough call; better get the VP on the horn. Then, it is up to the V.P. to make all of the important administrative decisions, answer all of the President's email, place padding on all the sharp corners in the White House and pay strict attention to the President's nap time.

    Unfortunately, John McCain's pick for years ago just wasn't up to the task in his estimation

    "That one," Cheney said, "I don't think was well handled… I like Governor Palin. I've met her. I know her. She – attractive candidate. But based on her background, she'd only been governor for, what, two years. I don't think she passed that test… of being ready to take over. And I think that was a mistake."

    Interestingly, Cheney's daughter Liz — whom he has been grooming for years to take over his place at the head of the High Council of Deatheaters — is not in agreement…

    Also, she's stronger than Superman, smarter than the gigantic brain that lives at the center of the Earth and more World's Greatest-y than R. Kelly. I could go on, but I wouldn't want to be accused of hyperbole.

    Photo by Paul Morigi/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

    Tags: Dick Cheney, Liz Cheney, Sarah Palin, Veepstakes
  • Dick Cheney Summoned from Netherworld for Surprise Appearance at CPAC

    Dick Cheney showed up at CPAC?! What?! Let me catch my breath! I can't! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! I can't breathe! I can't breathe!

    No, seriously, I'm being waterboarded! Somebody help me!

    Former Vice President Dick Cheney just made a surprise appearance at CPAC after his daughter, Liz Cheney, finished her speech.

    The crowd went wild, standing up and cheering for several minutes before he began talking. One man yelled, "Four more years!"

    "Knock it off!" Cheney said. "A welcome like that is almost enough to make me want to run for office again. But I'm not gonna do it."

    Oh, to be dangerously self-serving, delusional and in love… Sigh…

    Update: Here's some spine-tingling footage of the incident…

    Tags: CPAC, Dick Cheney, Liz Cheney
  • Liz Cheney Wants to Remind You to Be Afraid, Thank You

    Keep America Safe — Liz Cheney's non-profit media nightmare factory — just released its response to Barack Obama's STFU address…

    Oh God! This Barack Obama mad man is going get us all killed with his "dangerous" policies and casually open tuxedo shirt! He wants to give Khalid Sheikh Mohammed a trial just a few blocks away from the World Trade Crater?! What if he escapes, climbs into a double-parked Boeing 757 and flies into it all over again?!

    And what's all this about the underwear bomber being read his rights in accordance with the Supreme Court's landmark Miranda v. Arizona decision way back in 1966?! When did that shit start happening? It sounds kind of crazy and reckless to me. Especially with those terrifying minor chords being played over it. Terrifying!

    All I can say is, thank God we have reasonable Liz Cheney around to keep America safe from not being scared shitless.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Liz Cheney, State of the Union, Terrorism
  • Relax, Everybody, Liz Cheney Is Keeping America Safe

    Do you feel just a little bit safer than you did, say, three days ago? Sure you do, and here's why: Liz "Dick" Cheney has launched a new venture, Keep America Safe, right here on the internet. If the rest of her work is as effective as this welcome video, she should earn her junior warmongering badge by the end of next month…

    In case it isn't 100% clear, the KAS mission statement notes that "Keep America Safe believes the United States can only defeat our adversaries and defend our interests from a position of strengh." I am not sure where Strengh is — near Kabul, maybe? — but rest assured, Liz Cheney will defend it to the last sandbag.

    Tags: Internet, Liz Cheney, Terrorism