Quote Unquote: Lyndon Johnson's Boys Needed Their Space

President Lyndon B. Johnson, ording some lightweight slacks for the summer months over the telephone…

The crotch, down where your nuts hang, is always a little too tight. So when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there because they cut me. They're like riding a wire fence… See if you can't leave me about an inch from where the zipper — burp! — ends around under my– back to my bunghole.

Luckily, someone was smart enough to record important conversations like that. Otherwise, future generations of American nuts and bungholes would be doomed to uncivil discomfort.

(via Andrew Sullivan)

Tags: Fashion, Lyndon Johnson, Quote Unquote

Colbert on the Texas School Board's Decision to Rewrite History

On last night's Colbert Report, Stephen discussed the Texas State Board of Education's recent decision to amend history text-books to correct what they perceived as liberal bias. The changes include criticisms of LBJ's Great Society, a defense of McCarthyism, and perhaps most controversial, a chapter about this one time when George Washington said having sex with members of the Texas Board of Education makes you fart diamonds.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Tags: Conservatives, Education, Joseph McCarthy, Lyndon Johnson, Stephen Colbert, Texas, The Colbert Report, Video

Robert McNamara Goes Up to That Big Vietnam Planning Meeting in the Sky

First, Farrah Fawcett. Then, Michael Jackson. And then, that guy with the beard who yells on TV. Now, Robert McNamara. When will it end?

Robert Strange McNamara, the former secretary of defense whose record as a leading executive of industry and a chieftain of foreign financial aid was all but erased from public memory by his reputation as the primary architect of U.S. involvement in the war in Vietnam, died early this morning at age 93…

McNamara was secretary of defense during the presidencies of John F. Kennedy and Lyndon Baines Johnson. In that capacity he directed a U.S. military buildup in Southeast Asia during the critical early years of a Vietnamese conflict that escalated into one of the most divisive and bitter wars in U.S. history. When the war was over, 58,000 Americans were dead and the national social fabric had been torn asunder.

Alright. It's not Thriller. But it's a legacy of sorts.

When you get a chance, you should rent the Errol Morris documentary about McNamara, The Fog of War. It's waaaay more engaging than any two hours of watching an old man stare into a camera and talk should ever be.

Tags: John Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, Military, Vietnam

New Bible Finally Makes Connection Between Church and State After 233 Years of That Never Happening at All

Here's a brand new, must-have edition of America's founding document and the basis of everything the country stands for: The American Patriot's Bible!

But you may be asking yourself: What's wrong with my old Bible, the one that Jesus descended from Heaven to hand over to George Washington after he crossed the Delaware? Nothing. That's Bible is fine. But this one's better. Because it comes with conservative talking points!

"This Bible is designed for the decent, hardworking core of America, the ordinary man or woman who loves this nation and believes it springs from godly roots," says Richard G. Lee, a Southern Baptist pastor from Georgia who served as the Bible's general editor.

"Christians have believed all along that this nation sprung from Judeo-Christian ethics. Now they can say, "Oh, now I know where this uniqueness comes from in our nation's history."'…

Lee sprinkles his Bible with some 300 articles about "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," the right to keep and bear arms, the war in Iraq and religious broadcasting.

It's so sad how many people forget that Jesus died on that cross to protect the 2nd Amendment. And his apostles could have shot him out of there if only they were allowed to carry a fully automatic assault rifles.

Anyway, I don't know about you, but I'm getting a kind of heavy bi-partisan — really, "non-partisan" — vibe off of this Bible which is so obviously trying to tear down the wall between church and state. Do you think that was Lee's goal? I'll bet it was…

His goal was to create a "non-partisan" Bible, but he quotes Republican Ronald Reagan more times than Democrats Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Lyndon Johnson and John F. Kennedy combined.

In an interview, Lee said he doesn't even know if Carter, a fellow Georgian and longtime Baptist Sunday school teacher, is a Christian. As for President Obama? "I haven't seen any patriotism from him yet."

Plus, isn't he a Muslim? So, can he even be patriotic?

(via Pam's House Blend)

Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Christianity, Constitution, Founding Fathers, Jimmy Carter, John Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, Religion, Ronald Reagan, Second Amendment, The Bible

The Onion: Obama Depressed, Distant Since 'Battlestar Galactica' Series Finale

I hope this doesn't interfere with G-20 negotiations…

According to sources in the White House, President Barack Obama has been uncharacteristically distant and withdrawn ever since last month's two-hour series finale of Battlestar Galactica.

"The president seems to be someplace else lately," said one high-level official, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Yesterday we were all being briefed on the encroachment of Iranian drone planes into Iraq, when he just looked up from the table and blurted out, 'What am I supposed to watch on Fridays at 10 p.m. now? Numb3rs?'"…

In addition, sources confirmed that instead of meeting with Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner on Monday, the depressed president sat alone in the Oval Office, scouring Internet message boards for posts by other fans about the series conclusion.

I hear Jimmy Carter went through a similar funk when the original Battlestar Galactica went off the air in 1979. Same with Lyndon B. Johnson after F Troop was canceled and John Kennedy after he and his brother Bobby orchestrated Marilyn Monroe's "accidental" overdose.

Those Democrats sure do get attached to their little distractions, don't they?

Tags: Barack Obama, Battlestar Galactica, Jimmy Carter, John Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, Robert Kennedy, The Onion