From the Pork Barrel: What Is Going on Down There in South Carolina?

* Gresham Barrett — S.C. candidate for GOP gubernatorial nomination — swears to be "Christian family man who won't embarrass us." Hey, I'd forgotten Christian family men came in that variety?

* Why was Glenn Beck Goes to Harlem never aired! We demand, under the Freedom of Infotainment Act, that it be released to the public at once.

* John McCain calls upon the White House to acquiesce and support a regime change. And also something about Iran.

* Congressional Democrats behaving like Democrats, which is to say, like Republicans.

* Turns out unknown S.C. Democratic senatorial nominee and possible sex-offender Alvin Greene is so far outside the Party mainstream, he's taxonomically not even in the Animal Kingdom. (You'd think a thing like that would disqualify a guy for Congress. But, don't forget Tom DeLay was technically a slime mold.)

Tags: Alvin Greene, Democrats, Glenn Beck, House of Representatives, Iran, John McCain, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, New York City, Pork Barrel, Religion, Republicans, South Carolina

Some Very Important and Very Real April 1st News

OMG! Have you heard that everybody in America is moving to New Hampshire all at once and that we're all gonna be neighbors?!

April Fools! That's not actually happening. (I got you so good! You were all like, "I'm moving to New Hampshire? But I haven't even had a chance to start packing.")

But, seriously. The Insane Clown Posse has taken over the entire world, and we now live in the One World Government that conspiracy theorists have long feared. No, really. Look, here's the proof. All of our world leaders are now Juggalos…

April Fools! That's just a Photoshopped image. I got you again! Man, you must be pretty embarrassed.

Tags: Barack Obama, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Muammar Qaddafi, New Hampshire, Pope Benedict XVI, Queen Elizabeth

Stephen Colbert Tackles the Serious, Complicated Issue of the Ongoing Conflict in Afghanistan and How Eric Massa Is So Totally Gay

Thank God for Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-RI) for bringing more much-needed attention to this whole Eric Massa thing…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Tags: Afghanistan, al Qaeda, Dennis Kucinich, Eric Massa, Hamid Karzai, House of Representatives, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Military, Patrick Kennedy, Rhode Island, Scandalgate, Sex, Stephen Colbert, Taliban, Terrorism, The Colbert Report

The Daily Show's Best Election Fraud Moments

Wow. We seem right now to be in a modern Golden Age of voter fraud allegations, don't we? And for good reason. It's so much less gory and blood-splattered than military coups. Well, usually.

So, while we're all waiting for everything in the world to get better and political power to be doled out fairly according to those who have earned it, let's watch some Daily Show clips…

September 17, 2009: Voter Fraud in Afghanistan

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

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Tags: Afghanistan, George W. Bush, Iran, John Kennedy, John Kerry, Jon Stewart, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Russia, Saddam Hussein, The Daily Show, Ukraine, Video

Top Five Most Puppetiest Political Puppets

Call them what you will — puppets, dummies, inanimate objects being controlled by more powerful forces — but they control the world in which we live. Or, to be more precise, they are controlled into controlling the world in which we live.

Puppet	Puppeteer	Performance
.	.	.
Russian President Dmitry Medvedev	Former Russian President and Current Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin	A lifelong bureaucrat and world class yes man, he turned out to be ideally suited for sit down and being quiet while his former boss rerouted Russian political power to through the Prime Minister's office.
.	.	.
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad	Ayatollah Ali Khamenei	Main responsibilities include Holocaust denial, lying about nuclear experimentation and not getting in way of Ayatollah's subjugate citizenry.
.	.	.
Fox News	The Republican Party	The network has traditionally functioned mainly as the GOP's Ministry of Information, but its duties have recently expanded to include planning and executing grass roots public protests.
.	.	.
U.S. Congress	Anyone willing to pay for dinner	Anything you want them to do. Seriously, anything. Just so long as you're picking up the check and they can order another round.
.	.	.
Barack Obama	The reanimated corpse of former President Franklin Roosevelt	Continue plan to bring about the end of Western civilization, supply FDR with fresh brains twice a week.

For more-entertaining, less-politically-damaging puppets, tune into the new Comedy Central series The Jeff Dunham Show premiering this Thursday, October 22 at 9pm / 8c.

Tags: Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Barack Obama, Dmitry Medvedev, Fox, Franklin Roosevelt, House of Representatives, Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Republicans, Russia, Senate, Socialism, Vladimir Putin