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Mark Penn
  • Did John Edwards Rob Hillary Clinton of Her Place in History?

    I don't know about you, but on a beautiful day like today, I really enjoy lying in the grass, staring up into the clouds and wondering What if

    But, since I've got a job, I usually just end up reading bullshit unfounded speculation on the Internet instead…

    [If John Edwards had not run for president] Could Hillary Clinton have grabbed Edwards' loyalists and won early, stage-setting contests in Iowa, where Barack Obama emerged as a contender with a stunning win, or later, in the South Carolina primary?

    Yes, says Mark Penn, Clinton's close campaign adviser and pollster. Penn has asserted that without Edwards on the ballot, voters would have taken a "fresh look" at Clinton.

    Well, if Mark Penn says it, it must be true. Why, he's never proven himself to be wrong-headed, duplicitous or willfully ignorant before. That guy is a straight shooter if ever I did see one.

    But, just for the sake of adding length to this post, let's see what somebody who knows what he's talking about has to say. What does Mark Blumenthal from Pollster.com have to say about it?

    Mark Blumenthal from Pollster.com: "The most compelling evidence concerns where Edwards' support might have gone, had he withdrawn once the campaign had gotten under way in early 2007: polls showing that Edwards supporters preferred Obama to Clinton as their second choice in Iowa (as early as May 2007) and in New Hampshire (a few days before the primary)…

    "Edwards started the race as the leading candidate in Iowa. Had Edwards withdrawn in late 2006, others who were considering the race at about that time — Tom Vilsack, Evan Bayh, Mark Warner — might have gotten in."

    Yeah. Edwards' campaign was the only thing standing between Evan Bayh and the White House.

    He must be very bitter.


    Tags: Barack Obama, Evan Bayh, Hillary Clinton, Iowa, John Edwards, Mark Penn, Mark Warner, Primaries, South Carolina, Tom Vilsack
  • Again with the Most Important Jews in Politics of 2008 Already!

    As 2008 draws to a close, we thought it appropriate to run Gladstone's year-end round-up of the the eight most important Jews in American politics of the past year, that he'd originally written to celebrate American Jewishyishness and the eight nights of Hanukkah.

    If you missed it the first eight times, here's your chance to catch up…



    In honor of Hanukkah and the Jewish people, Indecision 2008 news editor Dennis DiClaudio put together a special feature called The 8 Most Important Jews in Politics of 2008.

    Of course, Dennis — despite being hairy, bespectacled, and consumed with religious guilt — is not actually what my people refer to as a “Jew.” And frankly, while I’m all for tolerance and diversity, the thought of his greasy Italian fingers punching up a piece on my political brethren makes me want to puke up my macaroons.

    So seeing as I’ve been Bar Mitzvah’d, circumcised, and found attractive by Catholic girls with Jew fetishes, I offered to spruce up his list. I must say, even though Dennis didn’t manage to select the actual Jews in our nation’s Zionist occupied shadow government, I think his efforts were just adorable. So sit back and enjoy the next eight days of Hanukkah with each day celebrating a different political Jew of note.

    Night 1
    Rahm Emanuel

    In 2008, President Elect Barack Obama chose Illinois Congressman Rahm Emanuel to be his Chief of Staff, cementing Emanuel’s status as the kind of Jew my people want to be: one that Black people like to hang out with.

    But how important is that approbation to Rahm? Well, many feel he gave the up the chance to one day be Speaker of the House in order to run Obama’s White House. That kind of dedication is just inspiring.

    And this is no mere accidental pairing of a Black and a Jew like Jon Stewart and Chris Rock on my personal comedy heroes’ height/weight chart. No. By all accounts, Obama selected Rahm for his tenacity, judgment, and ability to get things done. Together they promise to affect real change in 2009 and realize the nightmares of bigots everywhere.

    Night 2
    Eliot Spitzer

    2008 was a hard year for Jewish surnames containing "Spitz." Of course, the big story was that Michael Phelps shattered Jewish Olympian Marc Spitz's seemingly unbreakable record of eight gold medals.

    To a lesser extent, however, there was also some slight reporting on New York State Governor Eliot Spitzer's wildly inappropriate prostitute sex scandal. The scandal revealed that Spitzer enjoyed exposing more than Wall Street corruption, but also raised many questions in the Jewish community such as "Is he Jewish? Really? Are you sure? Damn."

    Spitzer left office in disgrace after a press conference that was as strained and painful as some of the "dangerous" sexual practices he is alleged to have engaged in.

    Still, his downfall struck another positive note for Black/Jew relations in 2008. After the scandal, Lt. Governor David Patterson assumed Spitzer's office, making Patterson New York's first Black Governor and the African American that has benefited most from prostitution since Snoop Dogg.

    Night 3
    The Next Senator Elected from Minnesota – Either Al Franken or Norm Coleman

    When I think of Jew-friendly places in America my thoughts turn to New York, L.A., and Miami Beach, but, perhaps, I should add Minnesota to that list. I mean, aside from being the birth place of one Robert Zimmerman (non-Jew name Bob Dylan), the State was also represented by the late Senator Paul Wellstone. And what's more, no matter what happens in 2008's bitterly contested Senatorial election, Minnesota will be getting another Jew in office. That's right, both Norm Coleman and Al Franken are Jewish.

    No, really. Despite signs to the contrary, Norm Coleman is Jewish. And those reports about the Coleman family menorah featuring 8 maids-a-milking are probably apocryphal. Still, it can't be denied that Norm has hid his Judaism well through arch conservatism and a steadfast refusal to be even remotely funny. But don't underestimate how badly Franken wants this. While he may not be able to conceal his Hebraic status as successfully, Franken has been going toe to toe with Coleman by seemingly refusing to be funny for several years now.

    Night 4
    Lynn Forester de Rothschild

    Wealthy Clinton fundraiser Lynn Forester de Rothschild –- or Doll Face as I used to call her when we partied in the Hamptons back in the 90's — came to embody the Obama-hating Clinton supporter who just couldn't toe the party line after their gal was defeated.

    After raising oodles of cash for Hillary in 2008, Rothschild threw her support behind McCain rather than back Obama. The ramifications were great –- although Barack Obama still won the election handily, he received one fewer popular vote than he would have had Rothschild voted for him.

    Night 5
    David Axelrod

    Several times during cable news's reporting of the 2008 election I asked myself, "why is CNN interviewing that sleepy labor union representative about Obama's campaign strategy?"

    But that question only belied my own ignorance. For that vaguely unkempt mustached gentleman was no disgruntled shop teacher, but Barack Obama's brilliant campaign strategist, David Axelrod.

    Axelrod is credited with engineering Obama's unprecedented Presidential victory, and by all accounts, his efforts represent the most successful Jewish direction of a Black since Steven Spielberg led Oprah Winfrey to an Oscar nomination in The Color Purple.

    Night 6
    Mark Penn

    Ask any racist and they will tell you: Jews are smart, crafty, and good with money.

    Well, in 2008, the Jewish community took its hat off to Mark Penn, Hillary Clinton's campaign strategist, for shattering those anti-Semitic stereotypes. As no one can dispute, Penn's handling of the Clinton campaign was just abysmal.

    Smart? Some claim that Penn was unaware that delegates in primaries are not awarded in a winner take all fashion. Crafty? Penn predicted that a big win for Clinton in large states would lead to a decisive Super Tuesday victory. Good with money? Hillary Clinton finally abandoned her campaign millions of dollars in debt.

    No doubt, Hillary's decision to team up with Penn will go down as the most disastrously messy Clinton/Jew collaboration since Bill stained up Lewinsky's dress.

    Night 7
    Bill Kristol

    I don't know Bill Kristol. He doesn't belong to my synagogue and we didn't go to school together, but I'm pretty sure I'd be able to pick him out on the playground 40 years ago -– if the Collegiate School's Prepatory Academy for Boys had a playground.

    Bill was the kid who did the bully's homework for him and then deluded himself into thinking the bully was his friend. Perhaps, little Bill even tried to affect some of that bully's power by tormenting his more socially-afflicted friends. By embracing something seemingly stronger, more mainstream and "American," he hoped to shake loose the shackles of his Jewish nerdom and acquire a sense of everyman -– a Manhattan elite, Ivy Leauge educated, national publication-editing everyman.

    Of course, this is all just conjecture, but it would explain Kristol's fascination with George W. Bush in 2000. Over and over, he extolled Bush's simple, old-fashioned integrity while lambasting Gore as a shifty, bookish nightmare. Perhaps, Gore was a dark reminder of Kristol's own tortured past. A past that included studying for tests, understanding Earth science, and pronouncing "nuclear" correctly.

    And in 2008, Bill earned his place on this list by being one of Sarah Palin's biggest supporters. His magazine, The Weekly Standard, defended this all-American, no-nonsense, right-as-rain sweetheart to the end. I have to wonder, after all that do you think she kissed his cheek and told him that for a New York Jew, he was "A-OK" in her book? Gee, I certainly hope so.

    It would be a shame to think he helped saddle a cancer-ridden, geriatric Presidential candidate with a woefully unqualified running mate for anything less.

    Night 8
    Joe Lieberman

    To find the people in this world who are really, really passionate about Joe Lieberman you have to search the narrowest shaded regions of a highly specific venn diagram: war hawks, who love Jesus, who aren't anti-Semitic, who can overlook pro-Choice politics.

    Maybe that explains his disastrous 2004 Presidential run despite all his "Joe-mentum." But as a Jew from Connecticut, I guess Lieberman is used to not exactly fitting in.

    Still, his not-fitting-in-iness got a whole lot more not-fitting-in-ier in 2008 when he backed Republican Senator John McCain for President. Lieberman railed against Obama and supported his pal McCain until the bitter end. And the end was bitter.

    When the dust settled, Lieberman apologized for what he'd done and ate crow -– which although technically Kosher, must have been difficult for him to swallow.


    Tags: Al Franken, David Axelrod, Eliot Spitzer, Hanukkah, Jewish, Joe Lieberman, Lynn Forester de Rothschild, Mark Penn, Norm Coleman, Rahm Emanuel, William Kristol
  • The Most Important Jews in Politics of 5768-69: Sixth Night – Mark Penn


    Mark Penn

    Ask any racist and they will tell you: Jews are smart, crafty, and good with money.

    Well, in 2008, the Jewish community took its hat off to Mark Penn, Hillary Clinton's campaign strategist, for shattering those anti-Semitic stereotypes. As no one can dispute, Penn's handling of the Clinton campaign was just abysmal.

    Smart? Some claim that Penn was unaware that delegates in primaries are not awarded in a winner take all fashion. Crafty? Penn predicted that a big win for Clinton in large states would lead to a decisive Super Tuesday victory. Good with money? Hillary Clinton finally abandoned her campaign millions of dollars in debt.

    No doubt, Hillary's decision to team up with Penn will go down as the most disastrously messy Clinton/Jew collaboration since Bill stained up Lewinsky's dress.

    Go back to the fifth night.


    Tags: Hanukkah, Jewish, Mark Penn
  • Someone Paid for Mark Penn's Opinion

    I know the Wall Street Journal is basically The New York Post with more boring graphics, but I'm still a little stunned that 2008 isn't even over yet and someone has paid for Mark Penn's thoughts. And no, it's not his thoughts on the perfect cheeseburger or the best way to avoid the sun. It's the damn economy.

    If the post-war economic expansion brought us the baby boom, this crisis may bring us a baby squeeze — a sharp reduction in births nine months from now, as refraining from having kids is the ultimate consumer pull-back. And instead of staying home, the evidence shows that more couples are going to the movies, with attendance up for this relatively low-cost evening.

    People don't talk much about their mattress-stuffing behavior. It kind of defeats the purpose if you tell people where your stash is. But there's a hunger out there for security hedges — a gun, some cash, a little gold, a small safe in the bedroom — in case all the ATMs suddenly shut down. The TV shopping channels could be hawking that "Safe Haven" combination right now, a complete home solution.

    Huh? Beats me. But he must know what he's talking about, right? Just ask President-elect Hillary Clinton.


    Tags: Economy, Mark Penn
  • Mark Penn Tries Jedi Mind Trick, Fails

    Remember during the primaries when Mark Penn said Barack Obama was unelectable? No you don't!

    Mark Penn told the Independent in England that he did not write in internal Hillary campaign memos that Barack Obama was unelectable. "Huh. No. It doesn't say that at all," Penn said. For the record, Penn wrote: "The right knows Obama is unelectable, except perhaps against Attila the Hun."

    Oh man. I totally know how Mark Penn feels. For example, I never called Mark Penn a big flaccid wiener that one time I called Mark Penn a big flaccid wiener.

    I also didn't call Mark Penn a big flaccid wiener that other time I called Mark Penn a big flaccid wiener.

    What is it with you people thinking me calling Mark Penn a big flaccid wiener is reason to believe I've ever called Mark Penn a big flaccid wiener?


    Tags: Barack Obama, Mark Penn