Martha Coakley Goes Bowling

David Rees — of the Get Your War On Reeses — wants you to pick the help finish this piece of topical political humor…

Martha Coakley and her friends went bowling to celebrate her electoral defeat. (If she had won, she might've had to interact with people with bad teeth, and maybe even shake their hands.) After a few frames, Coakley's friends noticed she didn't seem interested in the game. Sometimes she'd roll her ball right into the gutter; other times, when it was her turn, she'd wave her hand and say, "Somebody else can do it."

Eventually the game reached its climax: Coakley's team was down by nine points. It was Coakley’s turn. The game rested on her shoulders. She picked up her ball, shuffled to the line, squinted at the distant pins, and said "___________."

You can choose from five different punchlines here.

Tags: David Rees, Get Your War On, Martha Coakley, Massachusetts, Senate

Adolf Hitler Responds to the Massachusetts Election (as He Is Obligated to Do by Internet Law)

What took you so long, Internet?

(via The Daily What)

Tags: Adolf Hitler, Martha Coakley, Massachusetts, Scott Brown, Senate, Ted Kennedy

Alert: Aftershocks Hit Haiti, Massachusetts

Alert #1: Last night weird, naked Republican Scott Brown won the Massachusetts Senate seat that had been held by a Kennedy since the Kennedys first dropped r's on American soil, which means the Democrats have lost their filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. Now all hope of passing health care reform is lost, and the world is carrying on accordingly…

Drugmakers' shares posted the biggest gains in Asia and Europe today on speculation U.S. President Barack Obama’s plan to overhaul the health-care system will be derailed after Democrats lost a key Senate seat.

"The health-care bill has a negative impact on health-care stocks as it basically limits the price of drugs," Takeru Ogihara, who helps oversee $27 billion as chief strategist at Mizuho Trust & Banking Co., said by telephone from Tokyo.

So if you can't afford your kid's asthma medication, all you have to do is invest in health care stocks and use the dividends to buy inhalers. Problem solved.

Alert #2: This morning a 6.1 magnitude aftershock hit Haiti, which means a 6.1 magnitude aftershock hit Haiti. Rescue operations are ongoing, and the world is watching anxiously…

The U.S. Geological Survey said the new quake hit at 6:03 a.m. about 56 kilometers northwest of the capital of Port-au-Prince. It struck at a depth of 22 kilometers but was too far inland to generate any tidal waves in the Caribbean.

Wails of terror rose Wednesday as frightened survivors of last week's quake poured out of unstable buildings. It was not immediately possible to ascertain what additional damage the new quake may have caused.

We'll be waiting to see which of these two events constitutes "a curse by one thing after the other" in Pat Robertson's mind.

Tags: Democrats, Haiti, Health Care, Martha Coakley, Massachusetts, Republicans, Scott Brown, Senate

Facing Difficult Times, Democrats Come Together to Splatter Blame

Say what you want about Democrats, but they do not dawdle. Immediately after winning the White House and achieving their supermajority, they got right to work capitulating to the right and  alienating their base.

And now — with the polls still open for another two-and-a-half hours — they're already leaning into the exhausting working of blaming each other for Martha Coakley's stunning not-yet-defeat…

The Coakley campaign is bridling at finger-pointing from the White House and Washington Democrats, and an outside adviser to the campaign has provided to POLITICO a memo aimed at rebutting the charge that Coakley failed and making the case that national Democrats failed her…

[A Coakley adviser] pointed to internal polling to argue that Coakley held a wide — 20 point — lead on Dec. 19, and that the damage she took between that survey and a Jan. 5 Rasmussen poll putting the race at 9 points came from the national scene: The Senate vote on health care, with the controversy over Ben Nelson's deal for Nebraska, and the Christmas Day bombing.

You know what the really heartening thing about all this is? This kind of thing really brings all Americans together like nothing else does.

When you think about it, today, we're all losers.

Tags: Barack Obama, Democrats, Martha Coakley, Massachusetts, Scott Brown, Senate

Caption Challenge: Barack Obama and Martha Coakley

Leave your caption in the comments section of this post.

Tags: Barack Obama, Caption Challenge, Games and Challenges, Martha Coakley, Massachusetts