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  • Twitter Roundup: Getting Excited About Mitt Romney

    After winning Wisconsin, Maryland and D.C., the internet's peanut gallery weighs in on the Mitt Romney elephants.

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    Tags: John Kerry, Maryland, Paul Ryan, Primaries, Twitter, Washington DC, Wisconsin
  • Mitt Romney Will Win Nomination Barring Alien Invasion

    After a campaign filled with ups (winning primaries in states that have people in them) and downs (losing a few caucuses and Confederate states), Mitt Romney is going to be the Republican nominee for president. That's a sentence that could have been written two years ago, but with victories in Wisconsin, Maryland and the District of Columbia, Romney now has the primary locked down tighter than the factory gates at a plant bought by Bain Capital…

    With his campaign increasingly focused on President Obama and the general election, the former Massachusetts governor's victories in Maryland and the District were never in doubt. He won both by crushing margins. In Wisconsin, where Romney and Santorum devoted most of their energies, the margin was narrower but nonetheless decisive.

    With Tuesday's primaries behind them, the candidates now look ahead to April 24, when Pennsylvania and four other states hold their primaries. Santorum, a former senator from Pennsylvania, can ill-afford to lose his home state and has keyed the future of his campaign to success there.

    Recent polls even have Romney gaining ground in Pennsylvania, where he now trails Santorum by only 6%. Given those kinds of numbers, the  Wonkbook reports that if Romney "isn't the Republican nominee, the reason why will be something like 'asteroid,' not 'Santorum,'" which is a fair analysis but understates the similarities between a Santorum victory and a sweet meteor of death raining catastrophic hellfire upon the Earth.

    More accurately, if Romney isn't the Republican nominee, the reason will be something like "alien invasion," not "Santorum." At least those two scenarios can be distinguished from one another. It's not like anyone other than fictitious alien abductors have any interest in molesting Earth women with invasive transvaginal probes…right?


    Related: The Daily Show on the GOP's Unenthusiastic Acceptance of Romney

    Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Maryland, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Polls, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Washington DC, Wisconsin
  • Newt Gingrich Kind of Supports Gay Marriage

    Newt GingrichThe only thing keeping Newt Gingrich's presidential campaign alive at this point, apart from evil cartoon billionaire Sheldon Adelson, is the hope that he can capture the elusive Southern evangelical vote.

    But that might prove more difficult for Newt now that he's basically endorsed gay marriage. Whoops

    With same-sex marriage laws passing in Maryland and Washington state and New Jersey headed for a fall referendum on the issue, Newt Gingrich said at the Washington state capitol this morning that he's basically comfortable with states enacting gay marriage laws by popular vote…

    "I think at least they're doing it the right way, which is going through voters, giving them a chance to vote and not having a handful of judges arbitrarily impose their will. I don't agree with it, I would vote no if it were on a referendum where I was but at least they're doing it the right way."

    Failed candidate Rick Perry made the same mistake last summer when he accidentally told the truth and said New York's gay marriage vote was "fine with [him]." You see, conservatives are all for states' rights, as long as you don't give any of those rights to gays.

    Of course, Newt's statement in support of gay marriage referenda doesn't mean he actually approves of the LGBT community. He just really, really likes marriage. Straight marriage, gay marriage, short marriage, long marriage, creepy marriage to a much younger mistress—he loves it all. Especially if a giant cake is involved.

    For Newt, "marriage equality" isn't about giving gay men and women an equal opportunity to experience the joys of matrimony. It means giving himself the opportunity to marry as many women as he wants.

    Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Callista Gingrich, LGBT, Marriage, Marriage Equality, Maryland, Newt Gingrich, Primaries
  • One of a Kind Candidate: Raaheela Ahmed, Prince George's County, MD

    Raaheela Ahmed, 18, is running for the District 5 seat on the Prince George's County Board of Education in Largo, Maryland. Somebody needs to remind this University of Maryland freshman that she was already accepted to college: she doesn't need to pad her application with any more extracurriculars.

    Ahmed has the sensible idea to teach people useful skills. She wants to add classes on fiscal responsibility, like how to use credit cards appropriately and how to pay taxes. Wait, we're not supposed to send the IRS those fake credit cards that come in the mail?

    She also wants schools in her district to offer more classes that teach a trade. A trade skill sounds pretty good right about now, since a whole lot of us have degrees with no market value. Not that the poetry majors are complaining. Or are they? Hard to tell. But maybe if we learned to do things with our hands instead of staring at them because "My hand is…like, MY hand, man," we wouldn't be in the mess we're in now. Just kidding, it's still Merrill Lynch's fault.

    If even one kid receives enough training to get a job after they graduate from her school district, Ahmed would be doing more than every "job creator" just a few miles down the road inside the Capitol Beltway. So DC, pay attention and maybe you'll get schooled by the woman in school who got out of school just in time to join the school board.

    Photo by Tom Carter/Photolibrary/Getty Images

    Previously: James Whalen, "Man of Maine-y talents."

    Our friends at Dr Pepper are going to send Ms. Ahmed a one-of-a-kind t-shirt, and you get to choose its slogan:

    Want a custom t-shirt of your own? Of course you do! Head to and get started.

    Tags: Maryland, One of a Kind Candidates