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Maryland
  • The United States of Unflattering Stereotypes

    How long does it take to travel to every state in the nation and mock it right to its face? About two minutes…

    I think it's really cool that Paul Jury traveled 19,000 miles in the service of writing his book States of Confusion, but you've got to wonder if it was really necessary. If he was really interested in seeing how everybody in the country really lives, couldn't he have just gone to a Wal-Mart in a Hoveround?


    Tags: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Books, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming
  • Republican Congressperson Inquires About Job-Related Health Benefits Like a Total Jerk!

    Am I missing something here? Everybody on the progressive side of the Internet gymnasium is all aghast today because an incoming Republican congressperson from Maryland — who apparently ran in opposition to health care reform — asked, in an orientation session yesterday, why it takes so long for the his new job's health care benefits to kick in.

    Can somebody please explain to me why this is hypocritical, because I love finding things hypocritical, but I'm just not seeing it here. Please, let me in on the fun!

    Republican Andy Harris, an anesthesiologist who defeated freshman Democrat Frank Kratovil on Maryland’s Eastern Shore, reacted incredulously when informed that federal law mandated that his government-subsidized health care policy would take effect on Feb. 1 – 28 days after his Jan. 3rd swearing-in.

    "He stood up and asked the two ladies who were answering questions why it had to take so long, what he would do without 28 days of health care," said a congressional staffer who saw the exchange.

    Republicans weren't running against employer-provided benefits, at least not to my knowledge. Were they running against asking questions during orientation sessions? If either of those things are the case, then I will be very very angry at this guy's hypocrisy. Otherwise, I don't know.

    Sure, Harris was asking about government-provided health care, but he's a government employee now. So? People who work at the post office also get government-provided health care. If the government is your employer, it stands to reason that the government would be the entity providing employer-related health benefits.

    I have a feeling that liberal bloggers and the media might be jumping the starting gun on this one. I'm sure there's be plenty of opportunities to point fingers and yell "J'accuse!" during this upcoming congress, but let's pace ourselves. We don't want to end up like the kid at the end of that story "The Boy Who Cried J'accuse!" It's been a while since I read it, but I think I recall him falling into a catatonic state of existentialist ennui. And my health care doesn't cover that.


    Tags: Health Care, House of Representatives, Maryland, Republicans
  • The Priciest Robocalls in Election History

    Attention, Telephone-Users! Were you aware that there is an Act to protect you? It is not an act of God, but close! It is an Act of the U.S. government! Watch and see how it is used to benefit the crab cake-snarfing people of Maryland

    Maryland's Attorney General filed a complaint in federal court this week alleging that the company and two individuals behind election day robocalls that told mostly Democratic voters to "relax" and not bother voting violated the Telephone Consumer Protection Act (TCPA).

    The court filing by Maryland Attorney General Douglas F. Gansler also revealed that the phone calls, which began two hours before polls closed, went out to more than 100,000 Maryland residents, more than double the number originally reported.

    Imagine that! A robot called a bunch of Marylanders to mess with their voting minds! This probably enraged John Waters, those dudes from The Wire, and whoever else actually lives in Maryland.

    Anyway, TCPA charges $500 per violation, and the Maryland Attorney General alleges that 112,000 violations took place! That's like… that's… that's way higher than an honors math student at the average Baltimore public school can count. That robot is gonna have to sell its own parts to pay for this shit.


    Tags: Maryland, Robots Are Dope!
  • Robocall Misinforms Democrats in Maryland

    Considering how awesome Robocop is, you would think robocalls would be pretty cool too, but they are unfortunately nothing like their half-man/half-machine/all-cop similar namesake. Instead of busting creeps, a robocall in Maryland is giving bad information to Democratic voters:

    The campaign of Maryland Gov. Martin O'Malley posted audio to its website today of what appears to be a misleading message being left for their supporters in the state.

    "I'm calling to let everyone know that Gov. O'Malley and President Obama have been successful. Our goals have been met. The polls were correct, and we took [inaudible]," the message says. "We're okay. Relax. Everything is fine. The only thing left is to watch on TV tonight."

    So, if you're a Maryland voter and you got one of those calls, disregard it and be sure to vote as planned at your normal polling place on February 31.


    Tags: Liveblog, Maryland
  • Crazy Discovery Channel Gunman Is Either Liberal Nutjob or Conservative Wacko

    So, Maryland police are apparently right now trying to talk some sense in James Jay Lee, the guy who walked into The Discovery Channel with a gun and started taking hostages. The crazy hasn't even started to dry yet, and both sides of the political war have already started playing hot potato with him, trying to peg him as a member of the other team. Because, you know the rules: If somebody from the other side does something stupid, that automatically makes all of the things you believe right. Infinity! No punch backs!

    So, do we know what this crazy person's crazy demands are? In fact we do, and, um, it's not looking so great for the liberals

    Find solutions for Global Warming, Automotive pollution, International Trade, factory pollution, and the whole blasted human economy. Find ways so that people don't build more housing pollution which destroys the environment to make way for more human filth! Find solutions so that people stop breeding as well as stopping using Oil in order to REVERSE Global warming and the destruction of the planet!

    Oh no! This guy's an eco-terrorist! (Probably an eco-sexual, too.) Stop destroying the environment? Reverse global warming? Are we sure this guy isn't Al Gore in a James Jay Lee mask? Goddamn it! Looks like Rep. Joe Barton and Sen. James Inhofe were right all along!

    Unless, there's more this this guy's insane ramblings…

    Programs must be developed to find solutions to stopping ALL immigration pollution and the anchor baby filth that follows that. Find solutions to stopping it. Call for people in the world to develop solutions to stop it completely and permanently. Find solutions FOR these countries so they stop sending their breeding populations to the US and the world to seek jobs and therefore breed more unwanted pollution babies. FIND SOLUTIONS FOR THEM TO STOP THEIR HUMAN GROWTH AND THE EXPORTATION OF THAT DISGUSTING FILTH! (The first world is feeding the population growth of the Third World and those human families are going to where the food is! They must stop procreating new humans looking for nonexistant jobs!)

    I don't know. That seems kind of teabaggerish to me. And, if I'm not mistaken, I think that might be a direct quote from the this year's Arizona GOP platform. Or, at any rate, it's remarkably close.

    So, which is it? Is he a crazy liberal or a crazy conservative? I need to know. Quick! Before I stop caring!

    Update: James Jay Lee has been shot and apparently killed. The hostages appear to be safe.


    Tags: Climate Change, House of Representatives, James Inhofe, James Jay Lee, Joe Barton, Maryland, Science & Technology, Senate, Television, Terrorism