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Maryland
  • It Is Obviously Impossible to Properly Raise a Child without a Healthy Diet Full of Lots of Pork

    Marylandian fostering agency Contemporary Family Services isn't anti-Muslim.

    They're just really, really, really pro-bacon

    Dear Mr. Moore and Ms. Crudup,

    Thank you for your interest in becoming licensed treatment foster parents with Contemporary Family Services, Inc. Unfortunately, at this time, we are unable to approve your home for licensure.

    We are denying your application because of concerns raised by statements made during the home study interview, specifically your explicit request to prohibit pork products within your home environment. Although we respect your personal/religious views [Ed note: Muslim] and practices [Ed note: Whatever Muslims do], this agency must above all ensure that the religious, cultural and personal rights of each foster child placed in our case are upheld. Your statement indicates that there could potentially be a discrepancy between your expectations and the needs and personal views of a child placed in your care.

    Can you even imagine? Allowing one of Maryland's children to be adopted and raised as a… a… a non-pork-eating person?


    Tags: Food, Islam, Maryland, Religion
  • King of Uganda's Rise to Power or Wacky Movie Starring Eddie Murphy as Twelve People?

    Since I have a feeling a good majority of you don't follow my friend Ian on Facebook, I feel pretty safe just flat out stealing the following introductory text for this story from him, and none of you will be any the wiser. The perfect crime!

    Anyway…

    Hey, it just goes to show you, if you work hard and apply yourself, one day you can become king of Uganda

    For years, Charles Wesley Mumbere worked as a nurse's aide in Maryland and Pennsylvania, caring for the elderly and sick. No one there suspected that he had inherited a royal title in his African homeland when he was just 13.

    On Monday, after years of political upheaval and financial struggle, Mumbere, 56, was finally crowned king of his people to the sound of drumbeats and thousands of cheering supporters wearing cloth printed with his portraits.

    Now I just have to wait for Ian to inherit a royal title that I can lift, and I'm totally in there!


    Tags: Africa, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Uganda
  • Bar Officially Raised on Dangerous Protest Rhetoric

    Weird. The newspaper article doesn't say which end of the debate over health care reform this guy's on

    The Secret Service is investigating a man who authorities said held a sign reading "Death to Obama" outside a town hall meeting on health-care reform in western Maryland.

    It also doesn't say what his preferred cable news network is or whether he thinks a person should ever refer to himself as a "dittohead" with anything other than a deep sense of shame. I guess we'll never know.

    But, you know, carrying a sign that says "Death to Obama" is pretty stupid and reckless and aweful. But it's not deeply disturbing or just plain disgusting or anything like that.

    Are you sure the sign didn't also say anything else? Can you just double check for us newspaper article?

    The sign also read, "Death to Michelle and her two stupid kids," referring to the first name of President Barack Obama's wife, said Washington County Sheriff's Capt. Peter Lazich.

    But Michelle who? I just can't quite get a handle on exactly what type of person this guy is. Hmmm…


    Tags: Barack Obama, Malia Obama, Maryland, Michelle Obama, Protesters, Sasha Obama
  • Godless Arkansasians May Soon Be Allowed to Vote

    Good news if you're one of the thirteen atheists living in Arkansas. You might one day be afforded the honor of having an actual legal vote that doesn't matter

    It's an ugly little open secret that Arkansas, Maryland, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Texas have constitutions that explicitly forbid atheists from holding state office. These laws are archaic and unenforceable in principle — they were all ruled unconstitutional in 1961…

    Now, though, a representative in Arkansas has submitted a bill to amend the Arkansas constitution and remove the prohibition of atheists.

    Can you believe the nerve of Richard Carroll, the guy who submitted this bill? Throwing his hat in with the godless unbelievers. In direct defiance of the defiance of the 1st Amendment?! And in Mike Huckabee's back yard, no less! I never thought I'd see the day.

    Can't we just have one small little section of the country where reasonable can go to not be reasonable? Just one?


    Tags: Arkansas, Maryland, Mississippi, North Carolina, Religion, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas
  • Fox News: Massachusetts, Maryland, Illinois, Washington DC, Connecticut, New Jersey, Delaware, Maine and Oklahoma

    Fox News calls Massachusetts, Maryland, Illinois, Washington DC, Connecticut, New Jersey, Delaware and Maine for Obama, and Oklahoma for McCain.

    By the way, Brit Hume just called their setup "the strategery room." Aw…


    Tags: Connecticut, Delaware, Fox, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Oklahoma, Washington DC