Our Endorsements: Ladies Be Fightin'

* The Army lets women fight in combat on one condition, from The Onion.

* The Obamacare ruling explained by someone who doesn't understand it.

* Billy Eichner reports on hostility between Iran and Israel and MADONNA!

* Hey girl, check out what Ryan Gosling has to say about the ACA ruling without drooling.

* If you like American history, Quantum Leap and jokes about masturbation, you're going to love "Scrotum Leap".

Tags: Barack Obama, Daily Links, Declaration of Independence, Founding Fathers, Health Care, Iran, Israel, Madonna, Masturbation, Military, Women's Rights

Quote Unquote: No Spill Bill

Democratic State Sen. Constance Johnson's proposed — and sarcastic — amended language on an Oklahoma "Personhood Bill" that would have fertilized eggs viewed as full citizens…

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"However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman's vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child."

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She ended up withdrawing the language.

Probably because those people very likely would have gone along with it.

Tags: Masturbation, Oklahoma, Sex, State Legislature

Christine O'Donnell Goes Down

According to CNN, in the race to fill the Delaware Senate seat left vacant by Vice President Joe Biden, Republican Christine O'Donnell is projected to lose to her Democratic opponent, whoever that is.

As you'll recall, O'Donnell garnered more media coverage than any other political candidate during this midterm cycle in part for her anti-masturbation stance, a history of witchcraft followed by a peculiar campaign ad in which she denied being a witch, and a flimsy understanding of the First Amendment of the Constitution.

Her opponent–who I feel like is named something like Chuck or Chaz, something like that, it's right on the tip of my tongue–on the other hand, is best known for not being Christine O'Donnell. Chip? Is that it? Chip Cruise? Let's go with that.

Speculation abounds over how O'Donnell will parlay her notoriety within the GOP, but I'm going to go out on a limb and predict she will quit her job as Governor of Alaska within the next six months.

Tags: Chris Coons, Christine O’Donnell, Delaware, Democrats, Joe Biden, Liveblog, Masturbation, Republicans, Senate

Colbert Defends Christine O'Donnell's Debate Performance

On last night's Colbert Report, Stephen discussed Christine O'Donnell's recent debate with Chris Coons, wherein she equated homosexuality with adultery. Using O'Donnell's previous statements, Stephen was able to deduce that she believes masturbating is the same as being gay. Well, I for one, could not be more relieved. Just wait until my wife finds out I was only masturbating in that rest-stop men's room.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Tags: Chris Coons, Christine O’Donnell, Delaware, LGBT, Masturbation, Senate, Sex, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video

Christine O'Donnell Achieves Something Worthwhile

She made it to Saturday Night Live. Well, in a sense…

Tags: Christine O’Donnell, Delaware, Masturbation, Saturday Night Live, Senate, Tea Party