Latest Posts

  • Paul Ryan's New Dance Craze: "The Urban Turnout"

    Have you heard? There's a new dance craze sweeping the empty stadiums of the Republicans' 2012 presidential campaign! It's called "the urban turnout," and it explains President Obama's win with coded language that moves gracefully across the dance floor

    >Former Republican vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan says that his party lost the White House in 2012 because so many "urban" voters went to the polls, not because Americans rejected his Medicare and other budget policies.

    "We were surprised with the outcome," the Wisconsin Republican told WISC-TV's Jessica Arp. "We knew this was going to be a close race. We thought we had a very good chance of winning it. I think that the surprise was some of the turnout, some of the turnout especially in urban areas, which definitely gave President Obama the big margin to win this race."

    Everybody dance along! The steps are: 1. Slide to the right; 2. Slide to the right; 3. Slide to the right; 4. Bump against the right wall; 5. Slide to the left; 6. Lose the election; 7. Point to a minority demographic; 8. Cha-cha-cha.

    The best thing about this dance is that only white people can do it.

    Photo by Mark Wilson/Staff/Getty Images

    Tags: Barack Obama, Medicare, Paul Ryan, Racism
  • Why Joe Biden Will Win the Vice Presidential Debate

    Joe Biden VP debate - Paul Ryan medicare
    Will earn sympathy when Paul Ryan steals the Medicare card right out of his wallet.

    Joe Biden VP debate - train
    During debate prep, read all the parts of Atlas Shrugged that involve cool train rides.

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    Tags: Barack Obama, Debates, Joe Biden, Medicare, Paul Ryan
  • Tell Your Grandparents to Stop Being Jerks to Mitt Romney

    Older people vote for Republicans. That's the way things have always been; that's the way things should always be. It's the cycle of life. You start out as a young person on the left, you plant your feet and then the entire world shifts leftward past you until you find yourself on the right, and you're complaining about whatever the kids want by then. Robots marrying dogs? Maybe. Who knows. All that matters is that it'll be too weird for you, and you won't internalize any of the good arguments for it, and you'll shake your fist and vote for the Republican who is pretending to be opposed to it to get your angry vote.

    This is a delicate time-honored system, and your grandparents are currently screwing it all up

    New polling by Reuters/Ipsos indicates that during the past two weeks – since just after the Democratic National Convention – support for Romney among Americans age 60 and older has crumbled, from a 20-point lead over Democratic President Barack Obama to less than 4 points.

    Romney's double-digit advantages among older voters on the issues of healthcare and Medicare – the nation's health insurance program for those over 65 and the disabled – also have evaporated, and Obama has begun to build an advantage in both areas.

    Look, you've got to go talk to grandma and grandpa and get them back on board. Forget about Medicare. Forget about Obamacare. There's still plenty of good reasons why old people should still be all about Mitt Romney. Like, for example…

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    Tags: Elderly, Health Care, Medicare, Mitt Romney
  • Quote Unquote: Boehner Flash

    John Boehner to a conference call full of nerve-wracked House Republicans


    "The pundits are buzzing that with Paul on the ticket, the Democrats are going to attack us on Medicare. Well, here’s a news flash: They were gonna do that anyway."


    True. But in the GOP congresspeople's defense, everything seems more ominous coming out of Wolf Blitzer's beard.

    Tags: John Boehner, Medicare, Paul Ryan, Quote Unquote, Republicans
  • Paul Ryan's Budget Supported by Invisible Democrats

    Believe it or not, there's actually a whole lot of Democratic support for Rep. Paul Ryan's budget plan to social programs in favor of tax cuts for the wealthy. In fact, a good number of Democrats have come up to him to tell him that they support him.

    Only, you can't see them. Because they're invisible. And they talk in very quiet whispers directly into Ryan's ear. Magical Democratic pixie whispers

    House Budget Chairman Paul Ryan told reporters in New York today that a dozen elected Democrats secretly support his plan to cut entitlement spending and privatize some benefits — but he wouldn't name "because I don't' want to get them in trouble."

    Ryan cited Oregon Senator Ron Wyden, with whom he developed a Medicare reform plan, as one Democrat with whom he could work, and said, "I believe there is a bipartisan consensus emerging on going this direction."…

    "I’m not going to out Democrats who I believe are in office, who are favorably disposed to these ideas, for their own sake and for the sake fo getting this consensus realized," Ryan said at the gathering hosted by Bloomberg View in Manhattan Tuesday morning.

    Whatever you do, do not deny the existence of these invisible Democrats. Because that makes them very very mad. And then they'll eat us.

    Photo by T.J. Kirkpatricky/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Budget, Democrats, House of Representatives, Medicare, Paul Ryan