Levi is gonna unfurl the full Johnston in Playgirl! It's a Christmas miracle!
The father of Sarah Palin's grandson will go ahead with his much-hyped Playgirl shoot in mid-November "in order to get the pictures out for the holidays," a rep for the magazine told us. "We're working out the actual details day-by-day, and have come to a very happy conclusion, which we feel readers will be enthralled by."
Johnston's manager, Tank Jones, has said he's "90 percent sure" the shoot, for which Johnson has pulled in a reported six figures, will include full-frontal nudity.
Of course the spread is going to include Levi Johnston's penis. Of course! It had to happen like this. It was fated.
Now, the circle can complete itself. John McCain will, at some point, be exposed to that issue of Playgirl. Maybe an aide will present him with it on the pretense of Senatorial business. Maybe his daughter Meghan will casually leave it lying around her apartment when he visits. Maybe his wife Cindy will use it as research material in her ongoing attempt to understand human emotion. Who knows? But, John McCain will see Levi Johnston's dick. Mark my words.
And, as his eyes pass over the flaccidly dangling (this is Playgirl, remember) member of his former running mate's former almost-son-in-law, he'll be forced to consider what will no doubt be his greatest legacy, his most noteworthy contribution to this country that he loves.
It was he who inflicted this family of circus freaks upon America. He will know that. In that moment — with Levi Johnston's penis in his eye — he will know that with a profound weight of regret shackled around his neck.
America needs this moment to occur. America needs Levi Johnston's penis like we never needed any person's penis ever before.
Tags: Christmas, John McCain, Levi Johnston, Meghan McCain, Sarah Palin
Considering yesterday and today's not-at-all-absurd news cycle — not to mention the GOP's continuing quest for flashy candidates that will appeal to the mythical young and hip conservative movement (sorry Ms. Palin, but you're yesterday's news) — I think we might have a brand new front-running team for 2012…
The only real hurdle I see so far is Balloon Boy's propensity for vomiting in the face of tough questions. Still, he handles the pressure with more grace than Sarah Palin.
And, for what it's worth, I hear that Meghan McCain's boobs have a much better grasp of economics than their owner's father.
Tags: Meghan McCain, Republicans, Sarah Palin
She hasn't quit Twitter, but Meghan McCain did need more than 140 characters to talk about why people won't stop talking about her cleavage, which simply wants to be left alone with its Andy Warhol biography.
So it's a good thing she's learned to publish longer groupings of words on the Daily Beast, an internet newsletter that's been adapted for film by Spike Jonze, because this morning we have Meghan's Official Response to Tanktopgate: it is an opus entitled "Don't Call Me a Slut."
Don't call Meghan McCain a slut, you guys. That's lame. 'Twit' is more accurate, and punnier. Here, Meg will explain…
To be honest, I don't feel that I have anything to feel ashamed of. I've always embraced my curves and will continue to do so.
Nothing to be ashamed of rack-wise. Otherwise, ?? Also, please note that "embrace [your] curves" is one of the world's top ten meaningless phrases. It is what the ladymags tell you to do on the pages where they are not telling you how to "blast fat," but Meghan McCain wouldn't know this, because she only reads books about art (and Twitter).
It's pathetic we can come so far in so many ways, but when Rep. Aaron Schock or Rep. Jeff Flake post pictures of themselves without their suits on—and their shirts, for that matter—they are proclaimed "hotties."
But put me in a tank top and I am suddenly an embarrassment to the Republican Party and women everywhere.
Actually, I agree 100% with Meghan on this.
Everything except the 'suddenly' part.
Tags: Meghan McCain, Republicans, Twitter
Blind Item! A certain outtwoken young Republican has been coming under fire for something incredibly controversial she posted on Twitter: the top three or so inches of her upper torso…
I wasn't aware of this when she posted this last night, but I do feel as though this morning when I woke up, I was in a different country than the one I fell asleep in. We're through the looking-like-this-country's-stupider-than-I-thought-it-was-glass, people…
After receiving negative feedback from the picture from her night in, McCain recoiled, saying she might quit the popular social networking site.
"When I am alone in my apartment, I wear tank tops and sweat pants, I had no idea this makes me a 'slut', I can't even tell you how hurt I am," McCain tweeted.
This is a real controversy. People were calling her a slut. A slut. This is a thing that really happened. Like, for real. In this year that we all live in today. For showing cleavage.
The good news is that she at least had the good taste to apologize to the world for foisting her dirty, dirty pornographic picture upon us all…
"I do want to apologize to anyone that was offended by my twitpic, I have clearly made a huge mistake and am sorry 2 those that are offended," McCain tweeted.
This really just goes to show you: The young Republican base she's been championing on television and online for the past couple months really did have her back. They just didn't want her front (and boom goes the dynamite!).
The young Republican movement is on its way! Nothing can stop it! (Except itself.)
Ed Note: When I originally posted this, I falsely claimed that Meghan McCain had taken her Twitter account down after following finding this dead account. Apologies for my credulousity. I'm a dumbass.
Tags: Meghan McCain, Republicans, Sex, Twitter
* Larry Craig's first piece of advice as your new consultant: Don't listen to anything Larry Craig tells you to do.
* In Lou Dobbs's dreams, Rachel Maddow is his very own tea-bagging queen.
* The Lobbyists! There's just too many of them! Game over, man! Game over!
* Jesus Christ! Why is Joe Biden talking the godamned Lord's name in vain, for Christ's sake?
* And the winner for The Year's Most Idiotic Piece of Political Punditry goes to…
Tags: Barack Obama, Christianity, Cindy McCain, CNN, George W. Bush, Israel, Joe Biden, John McCain, Larry Craig, Lou Dobbs, Meghan McCain, MSNBC, Pork Barrel, Rachel Maddow, Time Magazine