Latest Posts

  • 9 Ways We're Dealing With the Mayan Apocalypse

    The Mayan apocalypse is neither Mayan nor an apocalypse, but the world has been preparing by:

    1. Building an ark. A Dutchmen named Pieter Frank van der Meer has purchased a $17,000 enclosed lifeboat and installed a toilet, a sink and a child's car seat in preparation for the floods he expects to accompany doomsday. Can't he just put his finger in the dike?

    2. Building a bigger ark. Lu Zhenhai, from landlocked western China, has dedicated his life savings to building a 21-meter-long monument to human irrationality.

    3. Closing schools. More than 30 Michigan schools closed due to violent threats made in relation to the Mayan "prediction," because people can be terrible.

    Read More »

    Tags: Australia, China, Conspiracies, Mexico, NASA, Star Wars, Ukraine
  • Tweet Untweet: Electrified Fencing

    Tags: Herman Cain, Immigration, Mexico, Olympics, Tweet Untweet, Twitter
  • White Is the New Not White

    For the first time since white people started saying they outnumbered the people who'd already been living here, they are the minority

    Population estimates show that 50.4 percent of children younger than 1 last year were Hispanic, black, Asian American or in other minority groups. That’s almost a full percentage point higher than the 49.5 percent of minority babies counted when the decennial census was taken in April 2010. Census Bureau demographers said the tipping point came three months later, in July.

    You're looking a little pale, old white people. Maybe you should sit down. Don't worry, everything is going to be fine. This growth in population diversity is going to change the U.S., but the U.S. is also going to change them. For instance, first-generation immigrants are used to eating at the McDonald's in their home countries, but their children will eat at the McDonald's in this country.

    Another thing that might make you feel better is that this bad economy has brought new immigration to a near standstill…

    William Frey, a demographer with the Brookings Institution, said the slowdown in immigration may delay the nation’s transformation to a majority-minority society from 2042 to 2050 or beyond.

    But he said it will not prevent it."Eventually, when the economy returns, we’re going to get more immigrants, maybe not from Mexico but from other parts of the world," he said. Without so many youthful immigrants, he added, the United States would look more like Japan, with its disproportionate share of elderly citizens.

    "We were already seeing a declining youth population in large parts of the country," Frey said. "Without immigrants, we’d be essentially youthless. We had a perfect storm. We got them all coming, younger immigrants having children, at a time when we really needed them.

    See? Who else is going to take care of you in your old age? Certainly not your children or grandchildren, who'll be working until they're 85 so they can retire and live out their golden year at the local Howard Johnson's. At least you're going to get Social Security.

    No, this isn't because we have a black president. In fact, if you think our economic woes are President Obama’s fault, it would make sense for you to vote for him, to keep the economy and immigration in a slump. Vote Obama!

    I am not Barack Obama and I don't approve this message.

    Photo by Andersen Ross/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Asia, Barack Obama, Immigration, Mexico, Racism, Republicans, Social Security
  • Tweet Untweet: Mixed-Up Messages

    Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Barack Obama, LGBT, Mexico, Mitt Romney, Tweet Untweet, Twitter
  • America Losing All Its Mexicans

    Oh, man! We need to get that U.S.-Mexican border fence up now more than ever. And fast! All our undocumented Mexican immigrants are getting out

    A four-decade tidal wave of Mexican immigration to the United States has receded, causing a historic shift in migration patterns as more Mexicans appear to be leaving the United States for Mexico than the other way around, according to a report from the Pew Hispanic Center.

    It looks to be the first reversal in the trend since the Depression, and experts say that a declining Mexican birthrate and other factors may make it permanent.

    On the plus side, maybe now us real American patriots might be able to land those sweet vegetable picking and landscaping jobs we've been clamoring for all this time.

    Tags: Economy, Immigration, Mexico