Latest Posts

  • Department of Justice Uncovers Alleged Iranian Terrorist Plot

    Okay, so, two terrorists backed by the Iranian government and a DEA agent posing as a member of Mexican drug cartel walk into a bar.

    The bartender takes one look and says, what is is this, some sort of recently foiled insane terrorist plot to assassinate a Saudi Arabian diplomat on U.S. soil?

    Attorney General Eric Holder said two Iranians have been charged with conspiracy to murder a foreign official and conspiracy to commit an act of international terrorism, among other charges. One of the suspects, an Iranian with U.S. citizenship, was arrested in New York last month; the other, an Iranian, remains at large…

    The suspects were identified as Manssor Arbabsiar, a 56-year-old from Austin, and Gholam Shakuri, an Iran-based member of Iran’s Quds Force, an elite division of that country’s Revolutionary Guard Corps responsible for foreign operations…

    Officials described the details of the plot involving the ambassador as chilling, and alleged that Arbabsiar met with a DEA informant – who was posing as a representative of a Mexican drug cartel — to arrange his killing.

    I'm sure ACORN or William Ayers has got to be mixed up in this somehow. Can't wait to find out how.

    Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Drugs, Eric Holder, Iran, Mexico, Saudi Arabia, Terrorism
  • Ungrateful Mexicans Choosing to Stay in Mexico for Unexplainable Reasons

    Oh, all these Mexican illegals pouring into the country to leach off our system, drag down our economy and steal all our jobs! Don't they just make you so angry?! Aaaaarrrggghh! Why can't they just stay in their own country, 'cause they're certainly not welcome here

    The extraordinary Mexican migration that delivered millions of illegal immigrants to the United States over the past 30 years has sputtered to a trickle, and research points to a surprising cause: unheralded changes in Mexico that have made staying home more attractive.

    A growing body of evidence suggests that a mix of developments — expanding economic and educational opportunities, rising border crime and shrinking families — are suppressing illegal traffic as much as economic slowdowns or immigrant crackdowns in the United States.

    Wait, what? That doesn't make any damn sense. You can't actually mean that these people want to stay in their own country instead of coming here to our land of unrivaled prosperity and freedom…

    "I'm not going to go to the States because I'm more concerned with my studies," said Angel Orozco, 18. Indeed, at the new technological institute where he is earning a degree in industrial engineering, all the students in a recent class said they were better educated than their parents — and that they planned to stay in Mexico rather than go to the United States.

    Uh, well… Okay, good! Because we don't want him and his industrial engineering degree here here in the US of A! We're all very happy about that. However, it does bring up certain issues. Like, who's going to clean these dishes? I mean, I'm not. I did not spend seven years going to three different colleges to get a B.A. in liberal arts/communications just so that I could clean some dishes. You know what I'm saying?

    Look, I'm just saying, why do these Mexicans hate America? What do they have against all our good custodial employment opportunities? Oh, so, changing sheets at the Motel 6 down the street isn't good enough for these people?

    I say we get a bunch of guys together, climb into a truck and high-tail it to the U.S./Mexican, and when we see one of those fancypants Mexican dandies get close enough, we grab him and pull him over to our side and get him mopping floors over at the high school! Whatayasay? Let's do this!

    USA! USA! USA!

    Photo by John Moore/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Immigration, Mexico
  • Jon Stewart Talks to "Senator John McCain" About Arizona Wildfires

    I have to say, John McCain is looking much more lifelike these days. Goes to show you how much more healthy it is to not be on the campaign trail. Also, the stimulative value of having a hand up your butt…

    The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

    Tags: Arizona, Immigration, Jason Jones, John McCain, Jon Stewart, Mexico, Natural Disasters, Puppets, Senate, The Daily Show, Video
  • Stephen Colbert Looks at North America

    I don't think a lot of people fully appreciate the menace that this land mass called "North America" poses to not just the United States, but also our neighbors Canada, Mexico and all those other countries below Mexico.

    Do you have any idea how close it is to us? It's less than a mile from our borders. Or how populous it is? 528 million people. That's not even counting how many North Americans are living right here amongst us as we speak. (In fact, I have it on pretty good authority that our president is North American.)

    The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.

    Tags: Canada, Mexico, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video
  • Quote Unquote: Immigration Reform

    Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty in response to a man on the campaign trail who advocated the shooting of immigrants

    "You and I already agree with each other. The question is, The people we need to get — how do they respond? We need to reach out and get new people to join the team."

    This may seem like an awful sentiment to agree to, but you have to put yourself in Pawlenty's shoes. His state shares a border with Canada, so he's constantly having to deal with those dirty foreigners sneaking across the border to sell their reasonably priced pharmaceuticals to our sick.

    Tags: Canada, Guns, Immigration, Mexico, Minnesota, Primaries, Quote Unquote, Republicans, Tim Pawlenty