Five Things to Celebrate Besides Valentine's Day

Roses are red, violets are blue, but if you're a nerd who knows they're actually violet, Valentine's Day is not the holiday for you.

Good thing there are so many other occasions to celebrate if you're not falling for the romance-industrial complex:

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On this day in 1899, Congress approved the use of voting machines for use in federal elections. Mark the occasion by standing for three hours in the line of your choice.

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On this day in 1912, Arizona became the 48th state. Celebrate by asking Arizona to show its statehood certificate.

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The United States Department of Commerce and Labor was established on this day in 1903. Celebrate by learning the name of the (Acting) Secretary of Commerce. Hint: it's not Gary Locke any more!

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Today is Mayor Michael Bloomberg's 71st birthday. You're allowed to eat 71 hot dogs in celebration, but you'll have to wash them down with an eight-ounce soda.

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James K. Polk became the first president to have his photograph taken on this day in 1849. Commemorate the moment with an Instagram of all those hot dogs you ate for Bloomberg's birthday.

Previously
A Special Valentine for Hillary Fans

Top photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Tweet Untweet: Supersnow Me

Bloomberg's going to look pretty bad when New Yorkers are digging out of the blizzard with 16oz cups.

— Comedy Central (@ComedyCentral) February 8, 2013

Mike Bloomberg Asked Hillary Clinton to Run for NYC Mayor

[Madame Secretary's personal smartphone rings, from somewhere deep inside her purse. She pauses the episode of Homeland she's watching and answers.]

Hillary Clinton: Yeah.

Michael Bloomberg: Hillary, it's Mike Bloomberg.

HC: Kinda busy right now.

MB: I know. This won't take long. Hey, you like pizza? You like good pizza?

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Tweet Untweet: Yes, We Cancel!

First they cancel the Marathon Bar, and now 31 years later, they cancel the New York Marathon. Connect the dots, sheeple.

— Joe Garden (@joegarden) November 2, 2012

Michael Bloomberg Endorses Barack Obama, Science

Scientists are always throwing around a bunch of "evidence" for this totally make-believe thing they like to talk about called "global warming" or "climate change" or "liberal bullshit." Of course, intellectually-superior conservative politicians aren't getting fooled. I mean, has anybody ever even come up with any evidence to prove that this "evidence" is real? No!

Well, until now, at any rate. Given the recent events surrounding Hurricane Sandy, conservatives may have finally found their first bit of evidence linking potential disasters with global warming. And his name is New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg…

Mr. Bloomberg, a political independent in his third term leading New York City, has been sharply critical of both Mr. Obama, a Democrat, and Mitt Romney, the president’s Republican rival, saying that both men have failed to candidly confront the problems afflicting the nation. But he said he had decided over the past several days that Mr. Obama was the best candidate to tackle the global climate change that the mayor believes contributed to the violent storm, which took the lives of at least 38 New Yorkers and caused billions of dollars in damage…

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Tags: Barack Obama, Climate Change, Hurricane Sandy, Michael Bloomberg, Natural Disasters