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Michael Moore
  • Fat Partisan Left-Wing Guy Offended at Comparison to Fat Partisan Right-Wing Guy

    Michael Moore may be a big, fat, loud-mouthed, hot-air-blowing, fact-check-deficient, hyper-partisan, opportunistic albatross around his party's neck… But, hey, he ain't no Rush Limbaugh

    [S]ome commentators (Richard Wolffe of Newsweek, Chuck Todd of NBC News, etc.) have likened this to "what Republicans tried to do to the Democrats with Michael Moore." Perhaps. But there is one central difference: What I have believed in, and what I have stood for in these past eight years — an end to the war, establishing universal health care, closing Guantanamo and banning torture, making the rich pay more taxes and aggressively going after the corporate chiefs on Wall Street — these are all things which the majority of Americans believe in too.

    That's why in November the majority voted for the guy I voted for. The majority of Americans rejected the ideology of Rush and embraced the same issues I have raised consistently in my movies and books.

    How did this happen? Considering how, for the past eight years, the Republican machine thought they could somehow smear and damage the Democrats if they said it was "the party of Michael Moore," it appears that the American public heard them loud and clear and decided that, 'hey, if you say Michael Moore is connected to the Democrats, then the Democrats must be OK!'

    Actually, that's exactly how everyone I know in New York City voted. We all got together in one of our gay coffee shop massage parlors and, after praying to the cold and empty void of the universe, we tried to figure out which candidate Michael Moore would vote for. Now, granted, that was hard. Because, as I'm sure you know, Moore's politics veer all over the place from populist liberalism to socialist Democratism.

    But, then, once we decided that, 'hey, if you say Michael Moore is connected to [whichever candidate], then [whichever candidate] must be OK!'

    And that's totally different from the way Republicans vote. Totally!

    Tags: Michael Moore, Rush Limbaugh
  • Glenn Beck Orders a Frosty, Gets a Taste of Rage

    Conservative talk show host Glenn Beck has hit the road for a book tour, which means he gets an up-close and personal look at the country he loves so dearly.

    Only problem is, some parts of the country don't love conservative talk show hosts back, as Glenn discovered when he and his crew stopped at a roadside Wendy's for a snack…

    …I'm just, I just want [a] Frosty, please, the guy standing next to me, who, by the way, I may point out. Had food in his hair, is a truck driver and he turned around. He looked at me and the recognition was immediate and he said, You racist bigot! And I just said — I wanted to say, I think you have me mistaken for someone else, but I knew he knew who I was and he just hated me for who I was. You conservatives that have destroyed this country! And the hatred was so deep, it was breath taking.

    Obviously this truck driver was all fired up with Hope, and Glenn's security team got involved, and someone accused someone of being involved with the Holocaust, which is racist. Glenn just wanted a Frosty. Why do liberals ruin everything?

    The guy screamed at the restaurant, you better not let me see you in the parking lot because I've got a truck and I'll run your ass over! Wow. Is this who we've become? Is this who we've become?

    I could stand in line with Michael Moore and I wouldn't say that to him. I would say some things to Michael Moore, but it wouldn't be that.

    Ha, no, Glenn Beck wouldn't say that to Michael Moore if they were standing in line together. He wouldn't say anything at all, because he'd be busy committing murder.

    From the May 17 [2005] broadcast of The Glenn Beck Program:

    BECK: Hang on, let me just tell you what I'm thinking. I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I'm wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out — is this wrong?

    Of course it's not wrong, Glenn. Killing a man with your bare hands is so much more patriotic than running him over with your truck, which was probably made in Japan.

    Tags: Glenn Beck, Michael Moore
  • Countdown to Electiony: 26 Days

    Here's some things you might not have known about battleground state Michigan…

    Did you know that it was the 26th state to join the union. Why, that makes it, um… almost exactly not noteworthy enough to justify mention.

    Okay, it's also got some fantastic cities like Ann Arbor, Detroit and the fossilized husk of Flint. So, that's something, right?

    Hey, some really famous people came out of Michigan. Like Michael Moore and Kid Rock and… Oh, and Matthew Tobey.

    Okay, listen, Michigan is still a really important state. Or, so I hear.

    Go back to Day 27.

    Tags: Election Countdown, Michael Moore, Michigan
  • "An American Carol" to Be Just as Successful as "Half Hour News Hour"

    Ha ha! I'll bet David Zucker is having a nice big laugh at Bill Maher's expense right now.

    His brand new movie — the, by all accounts, brilliant piece conservative cinema merde, An American Carolwent head to head with Maher's also-just-opening anti-religious-dogma Religulous. And it beat it at the box office by a whole $310,000.

    And it was only showing on 3.26 times as many screens!

    There's a lesson to be learned here: Conservatives are always funny.

    Tags: Bill Maher, Christianity, Michael Moore