Take Michele Bachmann's Important Survey Now!

Michele Bachmann, team player, has a very important new survey on her website. Hurry, click now!

It will only take two minutes and two million brain cells for you to answer such pressing questions as "President Obama has raised the federal debt limit SIX times in three years. It now sits at $15.4 Trillion. Do you believe this is responsible leadership?" and "Will President Obama's lack of leadership on foreign policy be a deciding factor in your vote this November?"

You can also self-identify by ideology, and those options are "Very Conservative," "Conservative," "Libertarian," "Moderate" and "Other." Those are the options, you bleeding-heart Others.

When you are done with the questions, M-Ba suggests you give her money, of course. In an email urging people to take this very important survey, she says she needs your donation "in order to distribute this survey to thousands more people across the nation." This is a survey… that is on… the Internet.

Michele, Michele, Michele. You are paying way too much for hosting.

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Photo by The Washington Post/Getty Images

Tags: Internet, Michele Bachmann, Republicans

Here Are Those GOP Presidential Candidate Butt Plugs You Ordered

I'm not one-hundred percent certain I understand why you ordered a bunch of butt plugs contoured to reflect "approval ratings amongst registered Republican voters for each of the GOP presidential candidates," but I'm sure you have your reasons…

It would appear as though that sudden uptick in support Rick Santorum received back in February may prove to be more painful than originally expected.

Tags: Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Polls, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Sex

From the Pork Barrel: Bill Maher Indoctrinates Our Youth

* Bill Maher surprised a Political Science class at UCLA for MTV's Stand In. If that doesn't confirm all of Rick Santorum's fears about liberal indoctrination, I don't know what will.

* Thank God for Rush Limbaugh. Without him, we'd never have found out that Barack Obama once shoved a girl back in the 5th grade. Unless we read Obama's autobiography.

* Looks like Michele Bachmann's Swiss citizenship plan just got… poked full of holes.

* If Bill Clinton was our first black president, does that mean Barack Obama will be our first gay president?

* Don't forget to download our Election Companion App for iPhone and iPad – use it to follow along for our weekly Sunday liveblog. In this week's Very Special Mother's Day edition Ilya Gerner and his mother will be co-blogging Sen. Dianne Feinstein on Fox News Sunday at 10am/9c.

Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Maher, Education, LGBT, Michele Bachmann, MTV, Switzerland

Michele Bachmann, Switzerland's Newest Cuckoo

Congratulations, Switzerland! After 500 years of democracy and peace, elaborate clocks are no longer the only kind of cuckoos your scenic confederacy will be known for…

[Michele] Bachmann (R-Minn.) recently became a citizen of Switzerland, making her eligible to run for office in the tiny European nation, according to a Swiss TV report Tuesday…

Marcus Bachmann, the congresswoman's husband since 1978, reportedly was eligible for Swiss citizenship due to his parents' nationality — but only registered it with the Swiss government Feb. 15. Once the process was finalized on March 19, Michele automatically became a citizen as well, according to Honegger, [a reporter for Swiss public television].

Marcus Bachmann's application reportedly came at the behest of his children, the three youngest of whom have become Swiss citizens automatically, while the oldest have earned a fast-track path to naturalization. It must have been an awkward conversation. Sure, the prospect of a Bachmann presidency was terrifying, but asking your own father to plot escape plan from the United States to a tyrannical land of universal health insurance mandates has to be equally uncomfortable.

There are other theories as to why dual citizenship in the United States and Crazylvania wasn't enough for the Minnesota congresswoman. She's now eligible to ruin politics in a whole other country. And the Alpine heights of Switzerland make for an ideal location to welcome the Rapture. But a less celestial explanation suggests that this is part of a transparent ploy to qualify Bachmann for the position of IRS Commissioner in a Mitt Romney administration. What better way to learn the ropes of promoting tax avoidance than to visit Romney's money?

Photo by Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images

Tags: Marcus Bachmann, Michele Bachmann, Switzerland

Tweet Untweet: The Endorsement Monster

Michele Bachmann punctuated her endorsement of Mitt Romney by unhinging her jaw and devouring five Democrats.

— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) May 3, 2012

Tags: Democrats, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, Tweet Untweet, Twitter