From the Pork Barrel: Forgetting 9/11, Remembering the Garlic

* Mr. Nine eleven forgot that nine eleven nine elevened on nine eleven!!9!!!11!!!!

* GOP, to Michael Steele: "Please stop." Michael Steele, to GOP: "Shut up." America, to itself: "Sigh."

* The U.S. shed 85,000 jobs last month, because our economy eats green shoots and leaves.

* You loved his goat-fucking turn on The Colbert Report. Now Erick Erickson stars in a new comedy called "Internet Petition," also featuring Mitt Romney and Chuck Norris.

* Speaking of vampires (and werewolves): Councilman Jim Ramsey of Lawndale, California has become a minor sensation for saying that thing about the garlic, but he wasn't being serious. Or… was he?

Tags: 9/11, California, Chuck Norris, Economy, Erick Erickson, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Michael Steele, Michelle Malkin, Mitt Romney, Pork Barrel, Republicans, Rudy Giuliani, Unemployment

Conservative Candidate Achieves the Impossible in NY-23

When plucky arch-conservative Doug Hoffman — representing Glenn Beck's Tea Party Party –stepped into the race for New York's 23rd district, even though Republican Dede Scozzafava was already running, he was on his way to truly making history.

And, last night, he and all his supporters — including Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Michelle Malkin — achieved what many thought could not be done: They delivered the NY-23 congressional seat into Democratic hands for the first time in more than a century…

Democrat Bill Owens Tuesday won New York's 23rd Congressional District, parts of which have been in Republican hands since the Civil War.

Conservative Doug Hoffman conceded shortly after midnight. With 88 percent of precincts reporting, Owens led Hoffman by nearly 4,300 votes.

What more proof do you need that the politics of divisiveness really does achieve results?

Tags: Bill Owens, Dede Scozzafava, Doug Hoffman, Glenn Beck, House of Representatives, Michelle Malkin, New York, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Tea Party

From the Pork Barrel: Antichrist, Superstar

* One in twelve New Jerseyans even dumber than you think they are.

* I'll bet I could spend all 24,000,000,000 hours of the day reading through the #michellemalkinmath hashtag on Twitter.

* Orly Taitz is just like an honorable version of Nelson Mandela.

* Is Bill O'Reilly endorsing socialism?

* Consider Philadelphia's two biggest issues — money and cheesesteaks — solved! Thanks, Dr. Phil!

Tags: Antichrist, Barack Obama, Bill O'Reilly, Birthers, Christianity, Dr. Phil, Ed Rendell, Food, Health Care, Michelle Malkin, New Jersey, Orly Taitz, Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, Pork Barrel, Religion, Socialism, Twitter

Jon Stewart Slams ACORN

Remember when we defended ACORN from accusations of voter fraud? Yeah, turns out the only reason they weren't committing voter fraud was because they were too swamped with setting up HUD-sponsored brothels. Whoops. Barack Obama and John McCain must feel like dummies. Though, who could have ever predicted we shouldn't have trusted a group whose logo looks like a hand gripping a dong?

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

Tags: ACORN, Fox, Jon Stewart, Michelle Malkin, Prostitution, The Daily Show, Video

The Important Issue of This Missing Birth Certificate

Q: What do Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin and the editorial board of The National Review Online have in common?

A: Yep, you guessed it. They all think you're an idiot if you're buying into this birther conspiracy nonsense.

Because, yes, it's precisely that stupid.

Tags: Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, Birthers, Conspiracies, Fox, Michelle Malkin, National Review