This Is Not a "From the Pork Barrel" Post… April Fools!

* Korey Shore's "Crying for America" is actually a pretty good song that genuinely makes you feel a bittersweet sense of patriotism. April Fools!

* Target takes hard stance against Michele Bachmann's xenophobic platform and unprincipled misleading statements, refused to do any business with her. April Fools!

* Barack Obama's choice of '12 reelection campaign manager is completely uncontroversial and is lauded by liberals nationwide. April Fools!

* House Democrats continue to impress with their cunning strategy and thorough understanding of procedure. April Fools!

* Glenn Beck makes surprisingly sober and thoughtful observation about the Middle East. April Fools!

Tags: Barack Obama, Democrats, Glenn Beck, House of Representatives, Jim Messina, Michele Bachmann, Middle East, Music, Pork Barrel, Primaries, Republicans, Target

Stephen Colbert Survives Harrowing Interview with Al Jazeera Journalist

This back-and-forth with Al Jazeera's Ayman Mohyeldin gets a little touch-and-go here and there, but Stephen uses his wits to emerge from the tête à tête a-and-okay…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.

Tags: Al Jazeera, Middle East, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video

The Indecision Guide to Middle East Uprisings

Maybe you've been following the latest anti-government uprisings in the Middle East, or maybe you have been too busy raising your children, studying your textbooks or playing your XBox. All important activities!

Thankfully for you, Indecision is here to give you a brief, handy primer on the goings-on Over There. To start, you need to know that Libya, Yemen, and Bahrain are all currently ruled by people who weren't actually chosen by the populace in, y'know, transparent democratic elections. And the people are mad! Okay, now that you're up to date on the basics, let's get into some specifics.

First up: Libya. Libya has been ruled by mushy-faced dictator Muammar el-Qaddafi forever. His goons are allegedly killing protesters, but he's losing his grip on the country pretty swiftly. Today he went on the teevee to whine about it. He was dressed like a cross between a Tusken Raider and Norma Desmond. This combination accurately reflects his approach to leadership. People are freaking out.

Next, let's take a gander at Yemen. Protesters want President Ali Abdullah Saleh to step down immediately. He has ruled the country since 1978. University students keep setting stuff on fire.

Bahrain is an island where creepy Michael Jackson used to creepily hang out. Later, Prince Abdulla Al-Khalifa of Bahrain sued him! Aaaaanyway, Bahrain's protesters have been non-creepily nonviolent. Their king is called Hamad ibn Isa Khalifa. They have palm trees.

And that's about it! Congratulations on your new degree in Middle Eastern Studies. You're now prepared to go toe-to-toe with any of these so-called "experts" on one of the so-called "news" shows. You're welcome.

Tags: Bahrain, Libya, Middle East, Muammar Qaddafi, Protesters, Yemen

Things Are Getting Kind of Crazy in Bahrain

King Hamad bin Isa al-Khalifa seems pretty determined to not get himself Hosni Mubarked…

Government forces opened fire on hundreds of mourners marching toward Pearl Square Friday, sending people running away in panic amid the boom of concussion grenades.

But even as the people fled, at least one helicopter sprayed fire on them and a witness reported seeing mourners crumpling to the ground.

And then there was this guy waiting around the corner, and he had this tornado full of sharks. And then behind him, there was this tank made completely out of human suffering and regret. And behind that…

Tags: Bahrain, Middle East, Protesters

Stephen Colbert and Sean Hannity Fear for Democracy in Egypt

The thing about these protests in Egypt is that there's no guarantee that whomever seizes control of the country will allow democracy to blossom. Anyone could wind up on top. Could be the Muslim Brotherhood. Could be the Muslim Sisterhood. Could be the Muslim Unclehood. That would be tough on everybody in the Middle East. Can you imagine all the corny jokes and time that would be devoted to restoring old cars on the front lawn? What if it was the Muslim Grandmotherhood? I don't think that that region of the globe has enough hard candies to support a regime like that.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30/10:30c.

Tags: Egypt, Fox, Hosni Mubarak, Middle East, Sean Hannity, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, Video