YOU DECIDE Caption Challenge: Election Day

Iowa Says No Way to Gay-Lovin' Judges

If you want to rise to the lofty position of being a Supreme Court justice in the great state of Iowa, you'd better hide your gay friends in the attic and your PFLAG anal beads in the basement, because Iowans are not fucking having ANY of your faery-loving bullshit.

In a move that sent shockwaves through the Iowa Writers Workshop, a conservative campaign led to the removal of Marsha K. Ternus, the chief justice; Michael J. Streit; and David L. Baker. But what did these judicially-inclined humans do to deserve such a harsh rebuke?

First, let us go back in boring time to review this boring state's boring history…

From its first decision in 1839, the Iowa Supreme Court demonstrated a willingness to push ahead of public opinion on matters of minority rights, ruling against slavery, school segregation and discrimination decades before the national mood shifted toward racial equality.

That legacy was cited in liberal corners here last year when the seven-member court voted unanimously to strike down a law defining marriage as between a man and a woman, making the state the first in the Midwest to permit same-sex marriage.

That's adorable, but also follows the typically confused Librul Rhetorik of conflating gay rights with black-people rights. This sort of argument never works with right-wingerz and even with some moderates, because they see being geigh as a chosen (bad) behavior or some sort of pitiable inborn disability to be overcome, whereas the blacks just can't help being black. (It does not help that some of said blacks are grossed out by gays who want to co-opt the language of the civil rights movement, but evs, Iowa has no black people so that is another discussion for another place, like Detroit.)

Aaaaaaaanyway, three of the Homo-Lovin' Seven were tossed out on their tender asses after a statewide campaign by conservatives. The other four weren't on the ballot, which is too bad because, like, wouldn't it be fun just to send an even more powerfully hateful message to the People of Iowa? So now gay teenagers in Iowa who pay attention to these sorts of things have even more confirmation that they are unwanted and unloved. That's a great message to send, and conservatives love to send it. Hooray!

Election Night in Alvin Greene's HQ

Now, some people may call Alvin Greene a loser for only getting 28 percent of the vote in his campaign to unseat South Carolina Sen. Jim Demint, but I call him a what the hell he got a whole 28 percent of the vote how the hell did that happen?!?! And, in some way, that's better than being a senator. Because now he doesn't have to sit near John Cornyn and have to breath in that weird cheese doodle smell all day long.

Here is the man who would (never ever ever) be senator on the last night of his historic campaign…

Alvin Greenes will be Alvin Greenes forever!

(via This Week in Blackness)

Stephen Colbert's Message to America: This Election Is Forever and Ever

That way that you're feeling right now — depressed, fearful, embittered, hopeful, joyous, hungry, gassy, obsequious, persnickety — get used to it, because that feeling is the new definition of you. (By the way, you might as well go ahead and throw away your mood ring, because now it is just a you ring.)

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Quote Unquote: Witness the Firepower of This Fully Armed and Operational Republican Caucus

Huffington Post commenter getoffthecross offers his sage analysis of last night's results…

"Look, we're living the Star Wars trilogy right now. In 2008, we had A New Hope. In 2010, the Empire struck back. Which just means, in 2012, we're going to see The Return of the Jedi, which is awesome, but it also means we're going to be knee-deep in Ewoks by the Iowa caucuses."

Come to think of it, John Boehner does seem somewhat familiar.

(via Reddit)