Hey! What's up with those Mexicans taking our Gulf of America, huh? It's bad enough they stealing all our good hotel and restaurant jobs. They need to take our bodies of water, too?
Thank God we have legislators like Democratic Mississippi State Rep. Steve Holland — not to be confused with '80s filmmaker Savage Steve Holland — out there, fighting the good fight against this Latino oppression. And, by "good," I mean American…
This week, Holland introduced H.B. 150 to Mississippi's House of Representatives Marine Resources Committee — a bill that, in summary, would "for all official purposes" rename the Gulf of Mexico (or "body of water south of Mississippi") the "Gulf of America."
"For all official purposes within the State of Mississippi, the body of water that is located directly south of Hancock, Harrison and Jackson Counties shall be known as the "Gulf of America."… This act shall take effect and be in force from and after July 1, 2012."
Oh, I can't wait for this to go into effect! I can't tell you how much safer I'll feel swimming in a non-Mexican gulf. I'll finally be able to bring my wallet in there with me.
Next up: Going after Italy and their strangle hold on American water ice. Then: Taking American cream cheese back from those swarthy Philadelphians.
Tags: Gulf of Mexico, Mexico, Mississippi, State Legislature
* While working tirelessly to provide empirical evidence for the Colbert Bump, President Obama unearths a disturbingly more powerful force of nature.
* CPAC 2012: Gays out! White supremacists in!
* Ron Paul gets support from the purest (and oldest) form of free market capitalists.
* This is something. According to a new poll, people actually hate Congress so much these days they're willing to put Democrats back in charge. I'm assuming Cover the whole thing with gasoline and drop a match was not offered as an option.
Tags: Barack Obama, Colbert Bump, Conservatives, CPAC, Crime, Democrats, Haley Barbour, House of Representatives, LGBT, Michelle Obama, Mississippi, Polls, Pork Barrel, Racism, Senate, Stephen Colbert, Twitter
Mississippi governor and onetime possible presidential candidate Haley Barbour wears his cholesterol-filled heart on his sleeve. He's a true compassionate conservative, not like those other southern governors who execute children for sport.
So before leaving office on Tuesday, Barbour made sure to pardon some murderers…
A Mississippi judge barred the state Wednesday from releasing prisoners newly pardoned by former Governor Haley Barbour, a conservative Republican who outraged some by granting clemency to more than 200 convicts as he was leaving office…
Among those pardoned were four murderers who had been allowed to work at the governor's mansion doing odd jobs because of good prison behavior…
"The pardons were intended to allow them to find gainful employment or acquire professional licenses as well as hunt and vote," Barbour said in a statement.
See, that’s all. Barbour just wants to let a few convicted murderers roam around a desolate forest with their friends, carrying rifles and slaying large mammals. I can't imagine what all the fuss is about. Denying a killer the right to hunt would be like denying a shoplifter the right to wear baggy clothes, or a rapist the right to use Axe body spray. It's just not fair.
And as Barbour himself said, hunting and voting are practically the same thing. Preventing convicted murderers from shooting animals is a violation of their civil rights. Remember what the great Martin Luther King Jr. once said: Men should be judged not by the color of their skin, but the color of their deer hide.
Photo by Bill Clark/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Crime, Haley Barbour, Mississippi, Pardons, Prison
A closeted elected official with a personal interest in cock rings? A Dog Bites Man story and none of anyone's business.
A married, Republican, Southern mayor who unsuccessfully ran for Congress on a "conservative, family-values platform" later forced to reveal he's gay? Still boring! Call me when the Rick Santorum gay orgy scandal comes to light — we all know that one's going to be epic.
At least Southhaven, Mississippi Mayor Greg Davis ups the ante for your run-of-the-mill Republican gay sex scandal by allegedly having the taxpayers foot the bill for some extra-governmental purchases…
The receipts were provided to state auditors in hopes of decreasing the approximately $170,000 they have demanded Davis repay the city for improper charges to both his city-issued and personal credit cards. Auditors asked city aldermen, who approved the expenses, to review the receipts before making a decision on accepting them to reduce Davis' payments…
…a review by [The Commercial Appeal newspaper] shows that Davis spent thousands of dollars at the Mesquite Chop House in Southaven and thousands more at local liquor stores. Also included in the receipts is a charge for $67 at Priape, a store in Toronto that is described by its website as "Canada's premiere gay lifestyle store and sex shop."
I'm willing to cut the mayor some slack. You have to keep the head of Mississippi's third largest municipality in good spirits, even if it takes public appropriations, because otherwise…I don't know, but something terrible is bound to happen. The really troubling question is, how can America win the future when even small-town mayors are doing their shopping at Canadian gay lifestyle stores? Buy American, people!
Tags: Greg Davis, LGBT, Mississippi, Money, Sex
A funny thing happened to pro-life activists' attempt to define life as beginning at fertilization, potentially criminalizing all abortion, many forms of birth control, and in vitro fertilization treatments. Turns out, even conservative Mississippi voters blanch at the prospect of smuggling Plan B pills across state lines from such liberally enlightened jurisdictions as Louisiana and Alabama…
The so-called "personhood" initiative was rejected by more than 55 percent of voters, falling far short of the threshold needed for it to be enacted. If it had passed, it was virtually assured of drawing legal challenges because it conflicts with the Supreme Court's 1973 Roe v. Wade decision that established a legal right to abortion. Supporters of the initiative wanted to provoke a lawsuit to challenge the landmark ruling.
For this surprising foray into sanity, we have the Mississippi Democratic Party establishment to thank, right? They must have pulled out all the stops to defeat Initiative 26…
[Gov. Haley] Barbour was prevented from seeking re-election because of term limits. The Democrat and Republican candidates vying to replace him both supported the abortion measure.
Basically, the (failed) Democratic strategy involved ignoring the majority of their constituency — most women and Democrats opposed the ballot measure — in favor of seeking votes from, who, the zygotes? Everyone who has taken a high school biology class knows cells are evenly divided.
Besides, those womb-voters are unlikely to meet the stringent voter identification requirements approved by Mississippi voters on Tuesday. Unfortunately, nor will thousands of real Mississippians, because while pregnant women might still be persons with more rights than fertilized eggs, citizens without government-issued identification — and according to the Brennan Center, as many as 11% of American citizens, including up to a quarter of African-Americans, lack such ID — are still of questionable "personhood."
Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Abortion, Democrats, Haley Barbour, Health, Health Care, Mississippi