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Missouri
  • Todd Akin "Misspoke"

    You guys know that thing with Missouri Senate candidate Todd Akin that everyone's talking about? Well, you're not gonna believe this, but it's all just one big misunderstanding. I mean, yes, he said the stuff that people are saying that he said. But he didn't mean to. Or, at least, he didn't want people to get mad about it. Here look

    Akin said in an emailed statement later Sunday that he "misspoke" during the interview, though the statement did not specify which points or comments.

    He misspoke. Oops! You know, like one of those times when you mean to say something and the words get all burbled in your mouth and you end up saying something that sounds silly.

    Like, when he said, "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that down," what he probably meant to say was "I have a terrible understanding of biology and how the human body works, and you should ignore every word that comes out of my face when I talk about this issue." But the words got all mixed up! Aaaahhhhh!!! Confusion! Stupid mouth always causing problems.

    Hahahaha. Anyway, I'm glad to see that this misunderstanding is behind us and we can all go back to systemically dismantling fifty years of civil progress.

    Photo by Bill Clark/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images


    Tags: Missouri, Senate, Todd Akin
  • Please Hold While Rep. Todd Akin Notarizes Your Legitimate Rape

    Exciting news in the world of women's reproductive health was announced this weekend by a Republican member of the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology and candidate for Senate, Missouri congressman Todd Akin…

    From what I understand from doctors, that's [pregnancy from rape] really rare. If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that down. But let's assume that maybe that didn't work or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.

    Unfortunately, by "news," I meant to write "13th century pseudo-medical theory that has surprising cachet with parts of the pro-life movement."

    After an intense round of mockery and calls for him to withdraw from the Senate race against incumbent Democrat Claire McCaskill, Akin said in a statement that he "misspoke," his less-advanced male body having failed to shut down the crazy thoughts being formed in his brain.

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    Tags: Abortion, Claire McCaskill, Crime, Missouri, Senate, Todd Akin
  • Missouri Voters Finally Continue to Have "Right to Pray" in Public

    Finally! After years and years of being allowed to pray at home, at work, at school, in the public square on television, the good God-fearing people of Missouri went to the polls and finally gave themselves the right to continue expressing their religious faith to their heart's content

    The so-called "right to pray" amendment to the Missouri Constitution passed by the kind of margin rarely seen in election referendums…

    "Missourians have affirmed the right to pray in public places and repudiated religious intolerance," said Mike Hoey, executive director of the Missouri Catholic Conference, as early returns showed the measure winning by a sevenfold advantage…

    Opponents of the amendment have said Amendment 2's religious protections are already guaranteed by the state Bill of Rights and the U.S. Constitution.

    It must feel so nice — after all of these years of being encouraged by society to make their religious faith loudly public and grandstandingly large — to let down your hair and behave just like you did yesterday and the day before.

    Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images


    Tags: Bill of Rights, Constitution, Missouri, Religion
  • Missouri to Vote on Freedom from Learning Amendment

    On August 7, voters in Missouri will vote on Constitutional Amendment 2, commonly referred to the as the "right to pray" amendment.

    Both supporters and critics agree that the bulk of the amendment simply re-numerates rights already in the U.S. and Missouri constitutions that compel the government to respect religious liberty, with the ballot summary providing a boring retread of what Missouri students would recognize as the Free Exercise clause of the 1st Amendment, if schools still taught things instead of engaging in interminable battles about school prayer…

    A "yes" vote will amend the Missouri Constitution to provide that neither the state nor political subdivisions shall establish any official religion. The amendment further provides that a citizen's right to express their religious beliefs regardless of their religion shall not be infringed and that the right to worship includes prayer in private or public settings, on government premises, on public property, and in all public schools. The amendment also requires public schools to display the Bill of Rights of the United States Constitution.

    Sounds repetitive and unnecessary, but not destructive! Left out of the ballot summary, however, is a provision in the actual amendment that says "no student shall be compelled to perform or participate in academic assignments or educational presentations that violate his or her religious beliefs."

    We need to talk, Missouri. Do you know the varieties of religious belief that exist in the United States? And the varieties of religious belief that will exist once students realize that they can be exempt from homework assignments that "that violate his or her religious beliefs?"  Just try giving Algebra work to a bunch of kids belonging to the Linear Equations Are the Work of the Devil faith.

    Above all, this law is unnecessary. Given that just 32% of Missouri students achieved proficiency on the 2011 National Assessment of Education Progress exam, it's not like we need a constitutional amendment guaranteeing a student's right not to learn.

    Photo by G. Newman Lowrance/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Education, Missouri, Religion
  • Missouri Security Camera Is Rush Limbaugh's Last Audience Member

    After a brief spike in ratings immediately followed Rush Limbaugh's careful, fair-minded examination of the contraception coverage controversy, the conservative radio host has experienced a double-digit decline in listenership, which fell 27 percent in the key 25-54 demographic in New York City and 31 percent in Houston-Galveston.

    Now, thanks to Missouri's Republican-controlled state legislature, we know who Limbaugh's last viewer is going to be — a taxpayer funded security camera

    The Missouri House has spent more than $1,100 in taxpayer money on a security camera to keep watch over a new bronze bust of conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh, the House clerk said Thursday.

    Clerk Adam Crumbliss said he authorized the camera after discussions with Republican legislative leaders because of concerns the sculpture of Limbaugh's head and shoulders might be vandalized…

    Limbaugh was inducted into the Hall of Famous Missourians last week during a closed-door ceremony in the House chamber as police stood guard to keep out any uninvited political opponents or protesters.

    One might wonder why a statue of a "famous" as opposed to infamous Missourian requires special government-funded security. Other statues in the Capitol rotunda honoring President Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney and Stan Musial don't require the same degree of protection.

    Yet I understand Republicans' security concerns. Drug tweakers are notoriously destructive and are liable to expect that any place harboring Rush Limbaugh is also a good place to find some Oxy.

    On the other hand, maybe spending tax dollars on statue security — the bust itself was privately financed –  in a time of austerity is misguided. There are plenty of discarded bronze molds of horse's asses littering artist's studios. Were Limbaugh's visage ever defaced, the Missouri legislature could swap in one of those backsides. It'd be a near perfect replica.

    Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images


    Tags: Missouri, Republicans, Rush Limbaugh, State Legislature