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Mitch McConnell
  • GOP Leaders Endorse Romney With a Resounding "Meh"

    Ever since Rick Santorum dropped out of the race last Tuesday, Mitt Romney has become the de facto GOP nominee. But he was still missing some key endorsements, particularly from Republican leaders in Congress.

    That changed today when House Speaker John Boehner and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell finally admitted that Romney is kind of OK, they guess

    House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) ended his neutrality in the GOP presidential primary and formally endorsed Mitt Romney on Tuesday. "It's clear now that Mitt Romney is going to be our nominee," Boehner said at a press conference.

    That's a powerful endorsement. Let's see what McConnell had to say

    Yeah, I support Governor Romney for president of the United States. And he is going to be the nominee. And as you have noticed, the party is in the process of unifying behind him.

    Easy there guys, tone that down that enthusiasm a bit. If reporters had let them elaborate any more on Romney, they might even have gone as far as to say, "He's alright," "Sure, he might win" or "Yeah, he's a person."

    These endorsements don't really reveal anything new about the race. Boehner and McConnell picked Romney in part because they agree with his economic policies, but mostly because he is a human Republican with a pulse.

    Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: House of Representatives, John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Mitt Romney, Primaries, Republicans, Senate
  • Mitch McConnell Claims Weed Is Deadly (And the Obama Administration Agrees)

    The world's most powerful turtle, Senator Mitch McConnell recently stuck his neck out to explain to a constituent why he was opposed to legislation, sponsored by Ron Paul and Barney Frank, which would legalize marijuana at the federal level. McConnell's reasoning? Weed Kills

    "Because of the harm that substances like marijuana and other narcotics pose to our society, I have concerns about this legislation. The detrimental effects of drugs have been well documented: short-term memory loss, loss of core motor functions, heightened risk of lung disease, and even death," McConnell wrote.

    Everything about that statement seems accurate except for one common misspelling. I think the harmful substance McConnell described is spelled B-O-U-R-B-O-N and T-O-B-A-C-C-O, which Kentucky produces in abundance. The CDC reported 24,518 alcohol-induced deaths for the last year data was available. Cannabis-induced death doesn't exist as a statistical category, though in fairness to prohibitionists, Funyun-induced death is very much an issue considering our nation's obesity problem.

    Nevertheless, many officials agree with McConnell. The Obama administration has been aggressive in shutting down medical marijuana operations, drug arrests during Obama's first year in office were higher than they were in George Bush's first year, and federal funding for the War on Drugs has risen.

    Maybe the President, who like the two presidents before him has had experience with recreational drugs, believes that the state has to forcibly intervene lest young people be led down the same path he's traveled. If only Barack Obama's youth included an arrest record instead of benign neglect, he wouldn't have to deal with people like Mitch McConnell today. He's just protecting Americans from the outrageous stress that an arrest-free youth can bring in successful adulthood.

    It's compelling logic, especially if you don't wait around for legalization while trying to follow it.


    Related: Pat Robertson, Pothead

    Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Barack Obama, Barney Frank, Drugs, Marijuana, Mitch McConnell, Ron Paul
  • GOP Really Going All-In with This Anti-Birth Control Thing

    I'm not sure what was in that third drink I poured down my throat last night, but whatever it was, it must have been pretty potent, because when I woke up this morning, it was fifty years ago.

    Or, at least, that's what I'm assuming. Otherwise, I don't really think I can make any sense of the news that Senate Republicans are now running in opposition to birth control in general

    Not satisfied with President Obama's new religious accommodation, Republicans will move forward with legislation by Sen. Roy Blunt (R-MO) that permits any employer to deny birth control coverage in their health insurance plans, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) said Sunday.

    "If we end up having to try to overcome the President's opposition by legislation, of course I'd be happy to support it, and intend to support it," McConnell said. "We'll be voting on that in the Senate and you can anticipate that that would happen as soon as possible."…

    A debate over access to contraception could be politically problematic for Republicans as polls show Americans overwhelmingly support the use of birth control and want insurance plans to cover the service for free. Tellingly, McConnell was eager to keep the focus on religious freedom as opposed to contraception itself.

    Really? Like, for real, really? This is the issue that the GOP is choosing to march into election season with? Moral outrage at government-subsidized pre-marital sex?

    I feel like maybe I need to go back to bed and sleep off this ridiculous proposed legislation. But I'm afraid that I'll do it wrong and wake up to a Constitutional ban on late-night hook-ups.

    Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Contraception, Mitch McConnell, Republicans, Roy Blunt, Senate, Sex
  • Mitch McConnell Stabs John Boehner in the Back on Payroll Tax Extension

    This is just ridiculous! Here's Speaker of the House John Boehner sprinting around Capitol Hill, sinking axes into television equipment and pretty much doing everything within his power to halt this payroll tax extension. And why? Is it because he hates middle class families? Probably not. The big reason, at any rate, is so he and his fellow Republicans can negotiate a big payday for their billionaire friends. That way, everybody wins.

    But then his "friend" Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell goes and pulls a stunt like this

    In a blow to House Republicans, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has called on the House to pass a two-month payroll tax extension — while pushing Democrats to negotiate a full year extension of the tax break.

    McConnell’s statement came just 30 minutes after Speaker John Boehner pledged that he and House Republicans weren’t backing down from their push for a one year extension of the tax, which expires Dec. 31…

    McConnell’s move would seem to undercut Boehner, who stood with his top leaders and a handful of other Republicans earlier this morning to pressure Democrats to come back to the negotiating table.

    Goddamnit, Mitch McConnell. Can't you see that you are taking the foie gras from our boss's boss's boss's children's mouths?

    Photo by Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call Group/Getty Images

    Tags: House of Representatives, John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Republicans, Senate, Taxes
  • Mitch McConnell Warns Americans About Dangers of Voting

    Remember the 2000 election? You know, the one where we actually voted for Al Gore, but the Supreme Court picked George W. Bush instead, setting into motion an irrevocable series of events culminating in two decade-long wars and a crippling recession.

    Wouldn't it be great if that never happened again? Apparently not

    Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) attacked a proposal to switch to a national popular vote for presidential elections during a speech at the Heritage Foundation today.

    McConnell and six Republican secretaries of state discussed the National Popular Vote Interstate Compact (NPV), a proposed plan for using a popular vote in presidential elections…

    Rather than embracing the NPV as a way to solidify the Constitution's guarantee of “one man, one vote,” McConnell lambasted the plan, calling it a "genuine threat to our country." Though McConnell admitted that the notion of a popular presidential vote where the candidate who receives the most votes wins is "appealing," he called the idea "absurd and dangerous."

    It's true. The popular vote can be very dangerous. Just think of that clear November day in 1984 when Kentucky voters, blissfully unaware of the hellish nightmare that awaited them, went to the polls and ended up with Mitch McConnell as their senator.

    In presidential elections, some people's votes simply count more than others. I mean, if their votes weren't weighted three times as much as those of people in New York or California, Wyoming residents would have literally nothing else going on in their lives.

    The right to vote is a privilege, not a right. It’s meant for cowboys and old people scared of change, excitement and the hip-hop music.

    Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

    Tags: Al Gore, Electoral College, George W. Bush, Mitch McConnell, Senate