Like approximately three-eighths of all the world's problems in this modern era, it would appears as though Mitt Romney's current woes concerning his unwillingness to release more than two year's worth of tax returns could very well be traced back to Bill Clinton's underwear.
Makes sense right? Maybe too much sense? Or just the right amount of sense? It's tough to say exactly. At any rate, if you need some convincing for whatever weird reason, the Wall Street Journal's Peggy Noonan lays down the science…
The reason Mitt Romney isn't releasing more tax returns can be reduced to three words: Bill Clinton's underwear. When he first ran for president, Bill Clinton put out his tax returns.
Lisa Schiffren, an enterprising young writer for The American Spectator, went through them and found that the Clintons, when they were in Little Rock, had gone to great lengths to limit their tax bills, to the point of itemizing each contribution to local charities, including Mr. Clinton's old underwear. Hilarity ensued.
This is the kind of thing everyone in national politics fears.
And that's really just one avenue you can use to link these things. But there's totally other ways you can get there. Like, have you considered what would have happened if Bill Clinton's underwear had been just a little tighter, a little more constricting? Would a lack of groinal comfort have changed the way things went down between Clinton and Monica Lewinsky that fateful night? And what would the lack of Democratic scandal have meant for Al Gore's chances in the 2000 election? Would it have been enough to put him over the little tiny hump he needed to take Florida? And how would a Gore administration have changed the political landscape in 2002 when Romney beat Shannon O'Brien for the governorship of Massachusetts? And if he hadn't won that election, would he seriously even be a contender for the presidency now? And if he wasn't running for president, who would even care about his tax returns?
BOOM! Did it! Six Degrees of Bill Clinton's Underwear!
By the way, you can do that with almost anything. Try it if you don't believe me.
(via Political Wire)
Photo by Johannes Simon/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Bill Clinton, Fashion, Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, Monica Lewinsky, Sex, Taxes
In America, we might not respect our politicians, but at least we respect our shoes. Can you imagine someone throwing $90 Nike's at President Obama? Not in this economy. But in the Middle East, they must be up to their ankles in shoes.
Back in 2008, George W. Bush was pelted with a shoe by an Iraqi journalist. I guess protestors in Egypt wanted to prove that shoe-throwing is a non-partisan activity because they let Hillary Clinton's motorcade have it this weekend…
Egyptian protesters threw tomatoes and shoes at U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's motorcade Sunday and shouted, "Monica, Monica, Monica" as she left the newly reopened U.S. Consulate in Alexandria.
They chanted "Monica, Monica, Monica"? Don't they know Monica Lewinsky is like Beetlejuice? Chant her name three times and she shows up and gets you impeached.
Maybe we're jumping to conclusions. It's possible they were referencing Monica from Friends. Even a sitcom character is more respected in the Middle East than anyone involved in American politics.
Photo by Mohammed Hossam/AFP/Getty Images
Tags: Egypt, Hillary Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Protesters
Imagine being a TV news correspondent when you're the only thing anyone ever wants to talk about. And not even you really, but your dad. Specifically, that thing your dad was impeached for back in 1998. That's a parental shadow that would make most of us scurry back into a hole in the ground, but Chelsea Clinton is still trying to make a go of it in spite of being panned by several brave, anonymous NBC executives.
To add insult to critique, The Washington Post recently called her "one of the most boring people of her era." Keep in mind that era includes Kim Kardashian and at least 80% of the people who have Tumblr accounts dedicated to their cats, and that is quite an insult. To add even injury to that insult, here is an excerpt from an article that refers to her as, "TV's Dork Diva"…
Almost everyone I spoke to for this story — from within NBC and at other networks as well — agree that that problem is that she won’t talk about the one thing that makes her undeniably compelling. How did it feel to be Chelsea Clinton during the Monica years? In the past, she’s responded angrily to that question. "It’s none of your business," she told an audience after being questioned about it on the 2008 campaign trail.
That line doesn’t play anymore, now that she’s entered the family business of living in public. "What’s she giving us?" one NBC executive, who sees Chelsea regularly, asks. "There’s that wall that needs to be torn down. She sounds like a smart and intelligent woman, but there are lots of smart and intelligent women." Until she’s willing to answer the Monica question, or any real question — to finally open her soul to public view, paying the required tribute to the media gods, to have her Oprah moment — it’s unlikely she’ll be given a warm public embrace. "Is she just boring," wonders the NBC exec. "Or can she come out of her shell?"
Like the executive quoted above, I too get incredibly bored whenever someone won't vomit up every last chunk of their personal life to me so I can profit from it.
I guess they just don't make them like Patti Davis anymore.
Photo by Bloomberg/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Hillary Clinton, Impeachment, Monica Lewinsky, NBC
Barbara Thompson — a South Carolina retired school teacher — in response to news that her candidate of choice was an adulterer who sought an open marriage…
"I think after the blue dress, and Clinton, it doesn't matter anymore, You know?"
I guess Bill Clinton is a more transcendent figure in U.S. politics that I give him credit for. I wonder how much that bothers Gingrich.
He's been trying for a long time, but he's yet to make a mark that indelible.
Tags: Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Newt Gingrich, Quote Unquote, Sex
So Indecision asked me to write a list of women who have had infamous sexual relationships with political figures.
“Oh, like political mistresses?" I asked.
“No. More like Secret Girlfriends,” they replied.
“Secret Girlfriends? What? Why would you call them that?”
“Oh, no reason.”
#7 – William Rufus King
Senator from Alabama, Vice President under Franklin Pierce, and according to some, President James Buchanan’s lover. “Where’s my proof,” you ask? To which I reply, “Proof? Really? This is the internet.” In any event, Buchanan was our nation’s only bachelor President and he did live with King for quite some time. Need more? Well, apparently Andrew Jackson used to refer to King as “Miss Nancy.” So there’s that. Although I must confess that even in the 1800’s “Miss Nancy” seems like a pretty weak slam on a guy you’re trying to paint as gay. Is that really the best Old Hickory could do? More like “Old Dickory,” amirite? See what I mean?
Tags: Eliot Spitzer, James Buchanan, John Edwards, John Kennedy, Mark Sanford, Monica Lewinsky, Rielle Hunter