Welcome to The Indecision 11, our soft-hitting — caressing, really — politics questionnaire for smart, funny people. This week: writer/comedian Morgan Murphy. Current gig: writing on the hit CBS sitcom "2 Broke Girls." Previous gigs: writing on "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon" and "Jimmy Kimmel Live," appearing in the "Comedians of Comedy" tour. She will make you laugh. Follow her on Twitter: @morgan_murphy.
What's your earliest political memory?
Watching my mom make pro-choice signs in the kitchen to take to a rally. Luckily she marched so I don't have to, and my reproductive rights are now no longer something I have to worry about being taken away… oh wait, never mind.
What do you think of people who don't vote?
Considering that the question probably applies to 90% of my friends, I really like them. They're fun to hang out with, especially the alcoholics.
If you could meet any political figure, living or dead, who would it be?
I'd like to meet Hitler. Just to tell him about how many Jews, like myself, have taken over show business. Then I'd say "booya!" or something tough like that, just to hammer in the point.
You're trapped in an elevator with the president. Strangely enough, you also have a superpower: the ability to make him do one thing of your choosing. What would you have him do?
Can I be trapped in an elevator with any president? Cuz if I can, I'd be in there with George W. Bush and I'd give him the power to speak in eloquent, full sentences. And I'd chat with him about Proust.
Have you ever supported a candidate, issue or campaign and regretted it later?
I voted yes on Prop 8 just so I wouldn't have to go to any more weddings. On second thought, that might have been selfish of me.
If you ran for office, what would your campaign slogan be?
"Vote for me if you want to live."
Who do you follow on Twitter for politics news?
I follow Bossip, a black entertainment website. Does that count? I also follow Huffington Post for all my political news about red carpet nip slips and cute panda videos.
Fill in the blank: Washington, D.C. is __________________.
Where 63% of middle-school girls first get fingered on a school field trip.*
Who's the sleaziest person in politics?
Joe Biden seems like he'd slap your ass at a party then laugh it off. But if Mitt Romney wears that Mormon underwear then he's the sleaziest. That underwear looks like something you'd put on if you knew sex was gonna get messy. Like wearing a lobster bib with a hole for your penis.
Who's the sexiest person in politics?
Now that I'm REALLY thinking about Mormon underwear, Mitt Romney.
Tell us a joke.
I didn't drink the entire time I was pregnant. It was the worst four days of my life.
Previously: Ana Marie Cox
Tags: Morgan Murphy, The Indecision 11