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MoveOn
  • MoveOn.org Needs to MoveOn.org Already

    A while back I signed up to www.moveon.org's email list, not because I supported them, but because they were offering a free Barack Obama trinket of some sort. I had gotten so used to their constant emails to host this or donate that, I almost didn't realize, THEY WERE STILL DOING THIS!

    [W]e've been hearing the same clear message from millions of MoveOn members: Don't stop now.

    Yes, please don't stop now annoying everyone with your campaigning. It's still important that you host gatherings to talk about NOTHING!

    So next Thursday (11/20), we're organizing "Fired Up and Ready to Go" gatherings throughout the country.

    By the way, I didn't bold any of the quotes. Whoever wrote this email is in love with the bold option button. I bet they are lobbying right now to make marriage between a man and a bold option button legal.

    We'll brainstorm other ways we can work together locally to take advantage of this new opportunity for progressive change…

    Moveon.org, can you step into my office for a minute. It's come to my attention that you haven't come to grips with the election's end. I know this is hard for you. I mean, people didn't even take you seriously when it was going on, and now that it's over–

    Obama supporters near you still need somewhere to meet up on Thursday. Can you host a gathering in West Hempstead?

    You're not listening, MoveOn.org! Please take your fingers out of your ears and stop trying to get me to donate. You know what. It's over. I'm deleting my email address, requesting a new cellphone number, and changing the locks on the door. I hope you get the help you need, MoveOn.org. I really do.

    This entire thing is in no way ridiculously ripe enough to be parodied.


    Tags: Barack Obama, MoveOn
  • Okay, I Know! It's All My Fault!

    I'm going to be in British Columbia — yes, Canada — on Election Day. Is it possible that I really fucked up the vote in two weeks that badly?

    I thought Massachusetts was safe…


    (video)

    Wait a minute. It turns out that this whole thing just some sort of highly sophisticated trick from those scoundrels at MoveOn.org to make me feel bad about not voting.

    Well, it worked. I feel bad.

    But I'm still not voting.


    Tags: MoveOn, Voter Suppression
  • Mounted, English-Speaking Moose Campaigns Against Sarah Palin

    Sarah Palin has had years to impose her will on our nation's moose, and now, two weeks before Election Day, the moose are fighting back.

    Here's a video of one that, while admittedly stuffed and mounted, has some unflattering things to say about the Governor. Good thing the MoveOn.org cameras were rolling when the moose started laying it on…


    Tags: Alaska, John McCain, MoveOn, Sarah Palin
  • Comedy Central to Show Political Ads

    The CC Insider is reporting that The Huffington Post reports that Comedy Central is reporting it will broadcast political ads during the campaign season for the first time in the channel's history.

    The first political ad, shown on both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, was paid for by the group MoveOn.org, which seems to be some sort of trucking industry lobby.

    As the political season winds down, other networks are sure to also broadcast ads from the following third party candidates, should they raise enough cash to do so.

    Ralph Nader, Independent
    History Channel

    Bob Barr, Libertarian Party
    Home Shopping Network

    Roger Calero, Socialist Worker's Party
    Fox News

    Cynthia McKinney, Green Party
    Disney Channel

    Charles O. Baldwin, Constitution Party
    C-Span 6

    Matthew Jay Borman, American Party
    American Channel

    John R. Crockford, Peace and Freedom Party
    Adult Swim

    See MoveOn's ad, which features Willow's Wiccasexual girlfriend (Amber Benson) from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, on the Insider.


    Tags: Bob Barr, Cynthia McKinney, Matt Tobey, MoveOn, Ralph Nader
  • John McCain Wants Your Babies

    MoveOn.org and the AFSMCE just released this new ad that seems to be targeted at people who don't understand that maintaining a longterm military presence in a hostile foreign country is not quite the same thing as rounding up all the nation's babies, strapping bombs to their backs and parachuting them over Baghdad…

    The ad will begin airing nationally Wednesday on CNN and MSNBC, and in Ohio, Michigan and Wisconsin markets. It will run for a week at a cost of $543,000. In the ad, an actress with an infant child speaks as if she were addressing McCain, the likely Republican presidential nominee.

    "Hi John McCain," she says. "This is Alex. And he's my first. So far his talents include trying any new food and chasing after our dog. That, and making my heart pound every time I look at him. And so, John McCain, when you say you would stay in Iraq for 100 years, were you counting on Alex? Because if you were, you can't have him."

    How about your dog? Your kitten? Your goldfish?

    Come on, lady. Let's be reasonable here. What can John McCain have? You gotta be willing to meet John McCain halfway.


    Tags: John McCain, MoveOn