Things Mitt Romney Would Do for Meat Loaf's Love (But He Won't Do That)

By now you may have already seen Meat Loaf's infamous endorsement of Mitt Romney featuring a rendition of "America the Beautiful" that sounds like it was literally sung by a bat out of hell. If not, you can watch it starting at 45 seconds into this video…

For the record, that isn't even the first time Mitt Romney has mercilessly butchered that song. Why won't the Romney campaign just leave "America the Beautiful" alone?!

The whole thing begs the question — no, not "Why, God? Why?" — of how Mitt Romney do it? How does he secure the endorsement of major rock stars, such as Ted Nugent, Kid Rock and now Meat Loaf? I don't know about the other two, but I have a few ideas for possibilites on how Mitt Romney wooed Mr. Loaf…

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Honey Boo Boo & Gene Simmons' Battling Endorsements

I've got some bad news for you, undecided voters. You're about to become even more undecided. Two towering icons of American culture are offering conflicting endorsements for president.

If only Gene Simmons from KISS were the sole voice of reason in this confusing electoral season…

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Kid Rock and Paul Ryan Debase a Perfectly Good Guitar

Though Republicans are expected to have an overall spending advantage in the closing days of the campaign, largely thanks to outside groups like Crossroads GPS and Americans for Prosperity, the Obama campaign has itself out-raised the Romney camp. All those dinners with Jay-Z and stalkerish date-like e-mails have produced a slight cash on-hand advantage for the president.

The Romney's campaign response: Bring in Kid Rock. Though "no contribution or payment of any kind is necessary to enter or win," Romney/Ryan are trying to beef up their fundraising listserv by raffling off "a piece of history," a guitar signed by Kid Rock and Paul Ryan.

According to the promotion, the "total approximate retail value of the prize is $300." Which can be a perfectly nice gift, depending on whether one has the disposable income to refurbish the instrument and erase Kid Rock's signature.

Pauly Shore's Pro-Obama Rap Song Isn't Helping Anyone

In The Wire, Waylon tells Bubbles says one has "to see that bottom coming up at" them before they can get clean. When I saw the Big Bird attack ad a few days ago, I knew it was coming. But I think this is finally it. I think this Pauly Shore rap song about the 2012 election is rock bottom. God, I hope this is rock bottom…

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Quote Unquote: Madonna on Our Muslim President

Madonna on Barack Obama…

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"Y'all better vote for fucking Obama, OK? For better or for worse, all right? We have a black Muslim in the White House! Now that's some amazing shit."

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At first, I was willing to give her a pass on the religion of the U.S. president because she's British. But then I saw that she promised to take off all her clothes if Obama wins, so now I'm relatively certain she's a secret Romney supporter.