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National Guard
  • Snappy Answers to Racist Comments: The Bill O'Reilly Edition

    Bill O'Reilly had Colombia University professor Dr. Marc Lamont Hill on his show to talk about sending troops to secure the Mexican border.

    Unfortunately, Dr. Hill is a black man, and Bill O'Reilly is Bill O'Reilly, so this happened…

    What Bill O'Reilly said: "Say you're a cocaine dealer, and you kind of look like one a little bit."

    What Dr. Hill said in response: "You look like a cocaine user."

    What Dr. Hill should have said in response: "Why? Does yours wear a similar tie?"

    What Dr. Marc Lamont Hill really should have said in response: [PUNCH, FACE] "Goodbye."

    Tags: Bill O'Reilly, Cocaine, Drugs, Fox, Immigration, Mexico, National Guard, Racism
  • President Obama Deploys Troops to U.S. to Quell Day-Labor Insurgency

    Oh, excellent! So, I guess while we're already maintaining significant presences in two hostile foreign countries, it now appears as though the U.S. military will be occupying the United States

    In a move to quell growing public anger and mounting fear over illegal immigration along the Southwest border, President Barack Obama is ordering up to 1,200 additional National Guard troops to the border area and requesting an additional $500 million from Congress to slow the flow of migrants…

    The announcement seemed designed to blunt an amendment in the Senate by Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) to provide $250 million for deployment of 6,000 National Guard troops to the border. And the White House move was quickly denounced by Republicans, who criticized it as insufficient, and by immigration reform advocates, who accused the White House of engaging in "political theater."

    Sometimes I marvel at this guy's innate ability to displease everyone at once. I guess that's the mark of a good politician. To be able to stand in front of a crowd and make every person there feel like he's speaking against him or her individually.

    Tags: Arizona, Immigration, Mexico, Military, National Guard
  • Arizona Requests Predator Drones, Attack Helicopters to Keep Out Dishwashers

    Hey, look, I'm just spitballin' here, but you know what would really come in the effort to stop poor Mexicans from sneaking across the border into Arizona and stealing all our slave-labor jobs? Some fucking Predator Drones and a handful of attack helicopters.

    Oh, Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer is already all over that shit? That's cool. I'll just be sittin' here thinkin' up genius stuff. That's what I do…

    Brewer, in a letter to President Obama, asked that the National Guard reallocate reconnaissance helicopters and robotic surveillance craft to the "border states" from other parts of the country…

    The governor said that a fleet of eight to 10 Kiowa helicopters "would enable us to double our border coverage to 2,000 hours per year. To be effective, these additional aircraft must be equipped for day and night operations."… The governor also requested "wider deployment of unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs) along our nation's southern border." UAVs are flying, remote-controlled robot drones that are widely used in Iraq and Afghanistan…

    "I am aware of how effective these assets have become in Operations Iraqi and Enduring Freedom, and it seems UAV operations would be ideal for border security and counter-drug missions," said the governor.

    Hey, wait! While we're already askin', how 'bout this idea I just thunk up? A hot tamale-seeking missile? Think about it!

    Tags: Arizona, Jan Brewer, Mexico, Military, National Guard