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Neil Cavuto
  • Fox's Neil Cavuto Wants to Know: Is This the Bush Recovery?

    Here's a lesson for the Associated Press: Try as you might to lower yourself into the lowest recess of gutter sludge, but all your efforts will be thwarted. Because the Fox News has taken up permanent residence there

    The opening segment of yesterday’s Your World (10/15/09) focused on the Dow reaching 10,000. Neil Cavuto asked, "What was once the Bush recession is now the Bush recovery? Or is it a bit of a stretch? Jim Lacamp says give credit where it's due." Not surprisingly, he thought credit was due to George W. Bush.

    First of all, hahahahahahahahahahaha! Ha! Neil Cavuto and everyone else over at News Corp. think they're people. They still haven't figured out that they're cartoons. Amazing.

    Second of all, that speculation is just flat out preposterous. Everyone knows that this is the Nixon Recovery. (Finally, that guy's getting a little vindication.)

    Tags: Economy, Fox, George W. Bush, Neil Cavuto
  • Neil Cavuto Wants to Know What He's Getting Out of Rat Sex

    Our friend Gladstone's new episode of Hate by Numbers dissects Fox News' Neil Cavuto and his fascinating fascination with economic recovery, scientific research and what he personally stands to gain from a rat-on-rat stimulus package…

    (If you watched the credits, you might notice that I contributed a joke or two. If you're wondering which ones, they're the ones that made you laugh. If none of them made you laugh, then I helped design the font.)

    Tags: Economy, Fox, Gladstone, Neil Cavuto, Science & Technology, Sex, Stimulus
  • Plunging Deep into the Legend of Joe the Plumber

    Last night America's favorite pipe expert became an official political flashpoint, right up there with LBJ's daisy-picking child and Checkers the spaniel. So let's take a look back at the man the candidates call Joe the Plumber, probably because they're afraid of mispronouncing his actual last name (Wurzelbacher).

    Mr. The Plumber first entered our collective consciousness when he met Barack Obama during a campaign stop in Ohio.

    The exchange was quickly picked up by Fox News, which got Joe on the phone for an interview during Neil Cavuto's show. After giving it some thought, Joe has concluded that Barack Obama is a Socialist Robin Hood who elitistly categorizes hardworking plumbers as "peasants."

    Joe went on to have a "candid conversation" with Family Security Matters, the conservative group that made security moms the Joe the Plumbers of 2004. Joe candidly revealed that he tricked Barack Obama into admitting he doesn't believe in the American Dream…

    PM: Do you think your question surprised Obama, caught him off guard at all?

    JW: Well that was actually my intent. Most people, you ask them "do you believe in the American Dream?" Nine times out of ten they'll sit there and go, "Yeah, of course!" That's where he messed up, because as soon as I asked him that, his answer shows that he doesn't believe in the American Dream.

    And, of course, Joe weighed in on the debate last night, telling Kate Couric that Barack Obama is just like that other skinny black guy. What's his name? Sammy Davis, Jr.

    So, to recap: Barack Obama is a tap-dancing Socialist Robin Hood who only believes in Dreams that are Un-American (probably Muslim!).

    And this time next year, we'll be calling Joe the Plumber Joe the Fox News commentator.

    Tags: Barack Obama, Debates, Fox, Joe the Plumber, John McCain, Neil Cavuto, Ohio