New Old News: Orrin Hatch Supports Park51

Utah Senator Orrin Hatch became the highest ranking GOP official to come out in favor of building the Park51 Islamic cultural center in lower Manhattan today, officially adding the 21st to the list of centuries he's building bridges to.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm/10c.

New Old News: Glenn Beck Rallies the Troops

I don't know if you heard, but Glenn Beck hosted a rally this weekend. How good was it? Almost good enough to make his audience forget that America is just one capital gains tax increase away from zombie biker gangs and rotisserie baby meat.

After the jump, Stephen makes his own non-predictions about how soon and violently we're all going to die.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

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New Old News: Kosovo Steps Out

Good news, Kosovo! The UN World Court just ruled that you're a real country now!

Remember how you were in 1999 — all bombed out and needy? Remember that?

You've come a long way, buddy.

Now please please please stop letting Chechnya and East Timor borrow your car. Those guys are just going to drag you back into that old breakaway region spiral. At least make them throw down some collateral. An agriculture ministry, or a mountain or something.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

New Old News: Who the F**k is Andrew Breitbart?

As Dennis reported earlier in the day, civil servant Shirley Sherrod was fired after she was falsely accused of racism by Andrew Breitbart, a Conservative blogger most famous for selectively editing tapes of ACORN employees and allegedly dispatching his employees to spy on Senator Mary Landrieu.

At least if he winds up being forced into retirement for this, he'll have lots more time to spend provoking his wife and kids.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

New Old News: The Ground Zero Mosque

I agree with Sarah Palin: it's time for all decent New Yorkers to "refudiate" plans to build an Islamic community center near Ground Zero. Surely we can all agree that the last thing this country needs near the site of the worst terrorist attack in history is a place where Muslims can engage in suspicious activity, like practicing their religion or shooting hoops.

Unfortunately, it seems like America's Muslims will stop at nothing to peacefully observe the tenets of their faith right in the eyes of good, God-fearing Americans, which Rob Riggle first discovered three years ago in Texas.