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New Yorker
  • Our Endorsements: A New Hope

    * The 99% make a new campaign poster for President Obama.

    * Michele Bachmann plays word association on Jimmy Fallon (ugh).

    * Under Newt Gingrich, your child won't have to wait to grow up in order to be a pilot, from HuffPo Comedy.

    * The 1% share the wealth in this New Yorker article.

    * Gawker covers Megyn Kelly's Fox gaffe and the comment boards go crazy.

    * Pepper spray "connoisseurs" rate Lt. Pike's brand of choice.

    * Mitt Romney's awkward poetry, from Mother Jones.

    * Laughing Squid shows you how to sleep in a vegetable.

    Tags: Daily Links, Fox, Michele Bachmann, Mitt Romney, New Yorker, Newt Gingrich, Occupy Wall Street
  • Rebranding al Qaeda for Generation Xtreme

    After U.S. forces invading Osama bin Laden's suburban fortress, documents were found — amongst his porn collection — that seemed to indicate that the terrorist leader was seeking to "rebrand the organisation and make it more attractive to potential recruits."

    The New Yorker's Ben Greenman appears to have uncovered some additional documents — or brainstorming notes from an international marketing firm — that show where the terrorist organization may had been moving had its top man not been taken down

    1. aQ: The Al Qaeda name may not be doing everything you want, but its international name recognition is huge. It tests out higher than almost any other brand, corporate or personal; it’s in the same neighborhood as Coca-Cola, Nike, and Shaq. So how about a simple streamline? aQ would retain the connection with Al Qaeda while introducing a sense of high design and elegance. And I can already see the campaign: “Q: aQ? A: aQ!”

    2. Terrora: Extensive market research on pills and cars has shown decisively that the soft vowel ending greatly increases trust. I assume that’s why you selected Al Qaeda in the first place. So let’s stick with that but emphasize to a much greater extent what you do—which is, let’s be frank, terrorism. Like it or not, English is still the world’s principal language where corporate identities are concerned.

    Continue reading…

    Tags: Advertising, al Qaeda, New Yorker, Osama bin Laden, Terrorism
  • Did Dick Cheney Have His Own Death Squad?

    Did Dick Cheney have his own team of trained assassins? The New Yorker's Seymour Hersh seems to think so

    In an interview on CNN's The Situation Room, Hersh said the group — called the Joint Special Operations Command — reported to Vice President Dick Cheney and was delegated authority to assassinate individuals based on their own intelligence.

    "The idea that we have a unit that goes around and without reporting to Congress — Congress knows very little about this group, can't get hearings, can't get even classified hearings on it…goes around and has authority from the president to go into a country without telling the CIA station chief or the ambassador and whack someone, I am sorry Wolf, yes I have a problem with that," Hersh said in the interview with Wolf Blitzer.

    Now, I'm not one to think well of the former Vice-President unless I absolutely need to. But this seems a little more than a tad unbelievable to me.

    Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that creating a top secret team of government agents to kill at his every whim is beyond Cheney.

    I'm saying that I don't understand why he'd bother using governments agents when there are plenty of rotting corpses lying around, just waiting to be re-animated to do his bidding.

    Why pay people in dollars when you can pay them in brains?

    Tags: Dick Cheney, New Yorker, Seymour Hersh
  • Bailout! The Musical

    Having as hard a time as everyone else in the world at figuring out what the hell is going on with our economic crisis so that you can figure out who to blame?

    New Yorker editor Ben Greenman's piece of economic musical theater (that might be the first time those three words were ever used together) might help you out. And give you something to sing while you're nailing boards up on your shanty's windows…

    Come now, travel with me
    Back to 2001
    Remember the big boom?
    That was an awful lot of fun
    Alan Greenspan warned
    About the bursting bubble
    He lowered all the interest rates
    To try to forestall trouble
    That led in turn to a big run
    On purchases of real estate
    Offset falling stock prices
    With property? It all seemed great
    But then the subprime borrowers
    Started to default
    And our proud economy
    Began to grind to a halt

    The DOLLAR BILL snores.

    What the hell?
    The dollar's snoring

    Sorry, guys
    This movie's boring

    Read the whole thing.

    Tags: Economy, Henry Paulson, New Yorker
  • Do Pit Bulls Smear Their Lipstick When They Kill Pigs?

    George Saunders — who would be my literary boyfriend if I were a gay lipstick-wearing pit bull — breaks down the significance of Sarah Palin's defining moment as a politician…

    …when Barack Obama says he will put some lipstick on my pig, I am, like, Are you calling me a pig? If so, thanks! Pigs are the most non-Elite of all barnyard animals. And also, if you put lipstick on my pig, do you know what the difference will be between that pig and a pit bull? I'll tell you: a pit bull can easily kill a pig.

    And, as the pig dies, guess what the Hockey Mom is doing? Going to her car, putting on more lipstick, so that, upon returning, finding that pig dead, she once again looks identical to that pit bull, which, staying on mission, the two of them step over the dead pig, looking exactly like twins, except the pit bull is scratching his lower ass with one frantic leg, whereas the Hockey Mom is carrying an extra hockey stick in case Todd breaks his again. But both are going, like, Ha ha, where's that dumb pig now? Dead, that's who, and also: not a smidge of lipstick.

    A lose-lose for the pig.

    There's a lesson in that, I think.

    I was wondering what that joke meant exactly.

    Now I totally get it.

    Tags: New Yorker, Sarah Palin