* Coco visits Abraham Lincoln's Presidential museum and picks on someone his own size.
* Funny or Die's Point vs. Point makes some valid points.
* Assimilate or go home, via McSweeney's Internet Tendencies.
* Newt Gingrich can't avoid the elephant in the room.
Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Conan O'Brien, Daily Links, Funny or Die, Newt Gingrich
Since losing the Republican nomination to Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich has become a loyal campaign surrogate, requiring only that the "Romney campaign fund Gingrich's travel and lodging in Montana" in exchange for the former speaker's participation at a fundraising breakfast and a keynote speech delivered at the Montana Republican Convention.
Gingrich hit on the usual themes — executive overreach by the Obama administration in exercising discretion over the deportation of undocumented youth, the tyranny of federal environmental regulation and the need for the United States to adopt a "21st century model," presumably so that Gingrich could sleep with it.
But what made the Montana GOP convention different from all the other GOP conventions? An outhouse labeled "Obama Presidential Library" parked outside Missoula's Hilton Garden Inn, where the gathering took place…
Nothing on the outhouse indicated who was responsible for it, although it made an appearance in the Memorial Day parade in Corvallis in Ravalli County.
The outhouse was painted to look as though it had been riddled by bullets.
Inside, a fake birth certificate for Barack Hussein Obama made reference to the disproven controversy over the president's origins. It was stamped "Bull– ." A graffito advised "For a Good Time call 800-Michelle (crossed out), Hillary (crossed out) and Pelosi (circled in red.)"
State GOP Chairman Will Deschamps of Missoula said he didn't know who'd brought the outhouse, but dismissed it as "a sideshow."
In other words, this convention had the distinction of hosting a large gas-filled thing AND an outhouse. Even for a state whose economy is geared toward resource-extraction, that many noxious fume-spewing things in one location amounts to overkill. No wonder the EPA is on Montana's back.
Photo by Marc Piscotty/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Birthers, Montana, Newt Gingrich, Republicans
Remember that sack of money with eyeballs that single-handedly kept Newt Gingrich's campaign afloat for months after everybody else gave up on him? Well, his name was Sheldon Adelson, and he's been mourning the death of the impoverished "middle-class" candidate's primary campaign by sinking $10 million into Mitt Romney's general election campaign. (From what I understand, that helps.)
Oh, wait. You think that's a lot? $10 million? That's just the part of the iceberg that sticks out above the water that makes you think it's the whole thing but is really just one tiny little fraction of it. What's it called? Oh, right, the $10 million of the iceberg…
Adelson, who has built Las Vegas Sands into an global casino empire, will do "whatever it takes" to defeat Obama, this source says. And given that Adelson is worth $24.9 billion–and told Forbes in a recent rare interview about his political giving that he had been willing to donate as much as $100 million to his initial presidential preference, Newt Gingrich–that "limitless" description telegraphs potential nine-digit support of Romney.
Adelson, this source continues, believes that "no price is too high" to protect the U.S. from what he sees as Obama’s "socialization" of America, as well as securing the safety of Israel. He added that Adelson, 78, considers this to be the most important election of his lifetime.
Thank god we have patriotic billionaires around to donate massive amounts of money to campaigns of their choosing and save us from Obama's "socialization" of America. Can you imagine how heartbreaking it would be to see any one person with undue power tipping the scales to undermine the basic tenets of democracy?
Photo by David Silverman/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Barack Obama, Citizens United v. FEC, Mitt Romney, Money, Newt Gingrich, Republicans, Sheldon Adelson
Everybody relax! Just calm down! It's all going to be alright. Lest you worried that Newt Gingrich might be forced into some actual self-realization, that has all been averted. He has successfully managed to rationalize away his not currently being the Republican nominee…
"It is very difficult in America today," he told MSNBC's Al Sharpton. "If you look at New York where Mayor Bloomberg spent an extraordinary amount of personal money to buy the mayor's office for the third time. It is fairly hard to compete with a billionaire if — if they get to spend all the money they want and the middle-class candidate's raising money in $2,500 units. So I think the current system is rigged, frankly, in favor of the wealthy."
Oh, it's because he's so "middle-class." That makes so much sense! You know, "middle-class" people nation-wide are suffering, and it just makes sense that a "middle-class" guy like Gingrich would be hurting in the same way. Just look at the huge his his speaking fees have taken of late. I'll bet most "middle-class" people have experience the same problems.
Well, my heart goes out to him. I hope that he's able to find something at Tiffany's that will take away some of the sting.
Photo by Andrew Burton/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Money, Newt Gingrich, Primaries, Republicans
If you're like everybody, then there's nothing in the world that you hold so dear to your heart as the faint hope that one day you will get to sit in a room and have Newt Gingrich explain, in condescending tones, why he is so much smarter than you. It is literally the most popular fantasy in America. Which is probably why so many songs have been written about it.
Problem is, who has the $60,000 that Gingrich is always bragging that he charges to make such sweet dreams come true? Sure, you have $25,000, but that doesn't even get you half way there.
What if I told you that I had news that could change your entire life?
Newt Gingrich is back on the speaking circuit, but his fees appear to have dropped steeply since he was boasting of charging $60,000 a speech. The Worldwide Speakers Group is offering Gingrich for speaking events in Washington, D.C. starting at $25,000 per speech, according to a source familiar with his arrangement…
That puts his speaking fees below James Carville's and Mike Huckabee's… but Gingrich — who is trying to reassemble his private sector empire after a presidential bid that left it in ruins — may be able to make up on volume what he loses on sticker price.
Unfortunately, if you live in Europe or Asia, you're going to have to pay around $100,000 for the privilege of learning why your civilization and society are so inferior to the American way of life. But it's totally worth it!
Tags: Money, Newt Gingrich