Last week's G20 meeting gave world leaders the opportunity to find common ground. For instance, President Obama and Nicolas Sarkozy found out that they both love to complain about Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu…
"I cannot bear Netanyahu, he's a liar," Sarkozy told Obama, unaware that the microphones in their meeting room had been switched on, enabling reporters in a separate location to listen in to a simultaneous translation.
"You're fed up with him, but I have to deal with him even more often than you," Obama replied, according to the French interpreter.
While this has promised to be an embarrassment to both leaders, there's a variety of ways the two could have dismissed this gaffe. First of all, improv. The two men could have been doing an improvisational exercise for their Netanyahu roast. You know, the super secret one they were planning for that very night? Well, not anymore now that the stupid media ruined everything!
If that didn't work, they could have flown Ashton Kutcher over to tell Netanyahu he'd just been punk'd. Heck, Kutcher probably has a direct portal from his home to Cannes. And after all, everyone knows that Obama is the George Clooney of world leaders.
While both of these ideas are undeniably genius and completely foolproof, Obama and Sarkozy have decided to take the "no comment" route. Netanyahu also said mum, leaving Vice Premier Silvan Shalom to explain it this way…
"Everyone talks about everyone. Sometimes even good friends say things about each other, certainly in such competitive professions," Shalom, a former foreign minister and rival of Netanyahu in the rightist Likud party, told Israel's Army Radio.
"So you have to consider the main things. Is Obama a friend of Israel? Is Sarkozy a friend of Israel? Is their policy a consistent policy of support for Israel? The answer to all of these questions is affirmative and, as far as I'm concerned, that is what's important."
*Swish* Perfect diplomatic save. With friends like these, there's no such thing as enemies.
Photo by Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Barack Obama, Benjamin Netanyahu, G-20, Israel, Nicolas Sarkozy, Palestine
In Gross Old White Guys You Don't Want to Picture Having Sex news, Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been free from his ultra-luxe downtown Manhattan apartment prison for days — more than enough time for you to call him up and ask him for a date!
Now, ABC News Online has put together a marvelous little story about five DSK-related conspiracy theories floating around France. Let us read on and enjoy this non-newsy news piece thrown together at the last minute to fill a publishing quota…
1. Vengeance! Under Strauss-Kahn's sexxxy leadership, the International Monetary Fund predicted that China's economy would kick American ass. This gave Obama a sadz, so he magically conjured a Guinean immigrant maid with a credibility problem to accuse Strauss-Kahn of rape, or what the French call "a gentleman's privilege."
2. Sabotage! President Sarkozy saw that this political candidate was a comer (sorry) and took him out by colluding with the owners of the Manhattan Sofitel and… magically conjuring a Guinean immigrant maid with a credibility problem to accuse Strauss-Kahn of rape.
3. Roman Polanski! Somehow this is his fault? We can safely assume that ABC News Online needed five conspiracy theories to make a nice headline (four is so much less exciting) so they threw this one in without any further explanation. Some other European was once accused of rape! Wheeeee!
4. Judaism! Or as ABC News Online puts it, "A Rich Jew With a Fondness for Women." This is obviously self-explanatory, because the U.S. hates horny Jews.
5. Other countries also were pissed at Strauss-Kahn! Specifically, the Greeks and the Russians.
Are these conspiracy theories actually being tossed around France, or did ABC News Online simply need to craft a story to satisfy some editor's arbitrary decision about content? The world may never know.
Here's an Indecision conspiracy theory: Rapist or not, DSK is grossy-gross and unfit for human sexytime. The lamestream media is free to just reprint that sentence over and over again in place of its weirdsy space-filling puff pieces.
Photo by Marc Stamas/WireImage/Getty Images
Tags: Barack Obama, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, France, Money, New York City, Nicolas Sarkozy, Roman Polanski, Sex
Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi of Italy is easily the best EU leader to invite to a party. Unlike Sarkozy, who would just spend all his time talking about sex with his hot wife (booooo-ring), Berlusconi would show up with a nice Montepulciano and proceed to regale you with tales of hot group sex parties with PROFESSIONAL SEX LADIES! You know, allegedly. And now he's under investigation for these alleged activities, just because some of them allegedly took place with a teenage hooker.
Oh, and he allegedly used all his fancy connections to get her out of jail when she got popped for stealing…
Silvio Berlusconi has been formally placed under investigation on suspicion of paying for sex with a 17-year old girl, according to a statement issued today by prosecutors in Milan.
He was further accused of abusing his position as Italy's prime minister by bringing pressure to bear on the police to cover up his alleged relationship with the girl, who was working as a prostitute. The two alleged offences carry sentences totalling 15 years in jail.
This particular report comes to us via the Guardian, a British paper that is full of silly British spellings and is therefore entirely untrustworthy. Let's consult a source from some other country to see if this isn't all just a giant limey lie. Tell us what's up, MSNBC and the Associated Press…
The girl said in newspaper interviews that she had been at the premier's villa and that she lied about being over 18. She denied having sex with the premier.
The girl has in the meantime turned 18.
So, she was at his villa. So freakin' what? She was probably just there to tell him about the concerns of young, sexy teenage ladies. And even she says they didn't bonk. Plus, she's totally legal now. In conclusion, Silvio Berlusconi is a saint and a role model and should be beatified just like John Paul II.
Tags: Crime, Italy, Nicolas Sarkozy, Sex, Silvio Berlusconi