Taking a story from The Onion at face value is not the craziest thing in the world. It happens to U.S. congressmen and Iranian news agencies with surprising frequency. What makes the Chinese People's Daily commitment to fake journalism truly extraordinary is that their 55-page spread on the "impeccable fashion sense, chic short hairstyle, and, of course, that famous smile" of North Korea's Kim Jong-un is still online as of this writing, a full three hours since Western media noticed the error.
Now there is the kind of commitment to propogandistic bullshit you want to see in your Communist Party newspaper. No mealy-mouthed pseudo-apologies, like those issued by the Iranian FARS after their Onion flub. Just stick to the damn story.
Besides, The Onion really did name Kim Jong Un its Sexiest Man Alive for 2012, making this the most factual reporting a Communist Party organ has published all week.
Tags: China, Kim Jong-un, Media, North Korea, The Onion
Do you remember where you were when you found out that North Korea's Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il was taken away from us? I was right here. In this very spot. Preparing to write a blog post about John Boehner or something, and then I was, like, "Oh, maybe I should write up something about Kim Jong-Il. Yeah, I guess I probably should. Oh, Ilya hit that already? Ah, well, I'll just put together some Daily Show clips or something."
True story. (Now, look at me. I'm getting all teary-eyed.)
February 11, 2003 – Madman-ography – Kim Jong-Il
Lots more Kim Jong-Il clips from The Daily Show after the jump.
The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11/10c.
Tags: Jon Stewart, Kim Jong Il, North Korea, The Daily Show, Video
There may be more rational explanations for today's news — like the fact that deaths happen in an unbroken series that we arbitrarily choose to assign into groups of three — but the most satisfying account involves Christopher Hitchens and Vaclav Havel being asked by God who they would like to complete their celebrity death trifecta.
Because Hitchens and Havel were good human beings with a keen commitment to human rights, they picked Kim Jong-il, dictator of the Earth's largest Orwellian theme park, claymation star in Team America: World Police, and the worst person in the world…
Kim Jong-il, the North Korean leader who realized his family's dream of turning his starving country into a minor nuclear-weapons power even as the isolated nation sank further into despotism, died on Saturday of a heart attack, according to the country's state-run media. Within hours of the announcement, the South Korean news agency reported that North Korea tested an unspecified number of short-range missiles on Monday morning.
It's getting mighty awkward in the Demilitarized Zone, which makes for the perfect opportunity to reflect on our missed chance to have John McCain and Sarah Palin in the White House. All we're getting from the White House are cautious statements about America's commitment to "stability on the Korean peninsula, and to the freedom and security of our allies." In a more humorous/terrifying world, Palin would issue statements about Kim's successor, Lil' Kim, while McCain readied the invasion forces.
As it stands, all we can do is await the results of the all-important Pyongyang caucuses and Wonsan primaries, to see who will succeed the Ever-Victorious, Iron-Willed Commander, the Bright Sun of the 21st Century, the Glorious General, Who Descended From Heaven…
A few hours after the announcement, the ruling Workers' Party and other state institutions released a joint statement suggesting Mr. Kim's chosen successor, his youngest son, Kim Jong-un, was in charge.
The statement called the son "the great successor to the revolution" and "the eminent leader of the military and the people." It was the first time North Korea referred to the son as "leader" since his ailing father pulled him out of obscurity in September last year and made him a four-star general and vice chairman of the Central Military Commission of the Workers' Party.
What, that's it? If we're going to find a successor to the world's greatest golfer (38 under par the first time he played!), the inventor of the hamburger and Glorious Keeper of the Bouffant Haircut, we should at least offer the North Korean people a Donald Trump-moderated debate to assist them in their time of need.
Photo by Pool/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: International Affairs, Kim Jong Il, Kim Jong-un, North Korea, South Korea
Hot heir apparent Kim Jong-un of Korea has reportedly ascended to the second-highest position in the land. Yes, he was elected in a tight but decisive and totally ethical victory over — haha, J/K, this is North Korea! His dad totally just made the announcement at his own dictator-themed bday shindig while, like, eating all the food he won't let North Korea's starving masses have…
The celebration, typically crowned by a massive turnout of goose-stepping soldiers and dancing, uniformed women in the city’s central square, was punctuated — as it is every year — by a flower show featuring bright red tuberous begonias called kimjongilia.
Yet the events were marred by the leader’s failure to follow through on a promise of a day’s food to all of the country’s 24 million people, The Associated Press reported.
First of all, "kimjongilia" sounds like the name of a) a pretty pretty princess or b) a social disease.
Second of all, the AP is obviously just packed with haterz who don't understand Kim Jong-il's clever strategy to avoid the obesity problems that plague the Great Enemy, the United States of Fatties.
So congratulations, Kim Jong-un! You are undoubtedly eminently qualified to be the almost-Supreme Leader!
Tags: Kim Jong Il, Kim Jong-un, North Korea