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NRA
  • NRA Blames Violence on NRA-Endorsed Video Games

    The NRA's message at today's press conference was simple: guns don't kill people, everything else in the world kills people.

    According to NRA executive vice president Wayne LaPierre, Nikki Minaj kills people ("A thousand music videos portray life as a joke…and then they have the nerve to call it entertainment"), gun control kills people (gun-free school zones "tell every insane killer… that schools are the safest place to inflict maximum mayhem at minimum risk"), movies kill people ("blood-soaked films"), hurricanes kill people, celebrities kill people, the media kills people, Obama kills people and, perhaps most of all, video games kill people.

    LaPierre even name-checked Mortal Kombat, which did cause that rash of spine-ripping finishing moves we experienced in the mid-90s (nobody seemed to report this, perhaps because the media was so busy killing people). However, he failed to explain why video-game obsessed Japan has almost no gun violence, while regions governed by Moral Majoritarians like the Taliban are less than pacific.

    Really, the only way the NRA could have done a better job at shooting themselves in the foot with a military-grade caliber of stupidity would be if the NRA also endorsed the type of video games they blame for mass killings because they glamorize assault weapons. Guess what? They do!

    In the NRA's defense, they are really, really terrible video games.


    Tags: Guns, NRA, Video Games
  • Tweet Untweet: Whatever Happened to Baby Cheney?

     


    Tags: Dick Cheney, Facebook, NRA, Tweet Untweet, Twitter
  • NRA Sells Insurance Covering Legal Costs of Shooting People

    There's a good chance that sometime in the next few weeks, the Supreme Court will invalidate the American Care Act, leaving millions of Americans without health insurance coverage. Doubtlessly, some of these people, newly discarded from the insurance rolls due to rescission or pre-existing conditions or the inability to afford unsubsidized insurance premiums, will want to take out their anger on their fellow Americans.

    A few will go too far, but with a little foresight, gun-toting Americans will be able to indemnify themselves from the crippling costs of civil and criminal prosecution, thanks to a National Rifle Association-endorsed insurance plan that covers the costs of a "self-defense" legal strategy…

    Provides coverage up to the limit selected for criminal and civil defense costs.

    Cost of civil suit defense is provided in addition to the limit of liability for bodily injury and property damage.

    Criminal Defense Reimbursement is provided for alleged criminal actions involving self-defense when you are acquitted of such criminal charges or the charges are dropped.

    It's a perfect synergistic strategy. A new study from that bastion of anti-gun nanny-state liberalism, Texas A&M University, found that in states with "stand your ground" laws, which the NRA strenuously lobbies for, murders and shootings went up. Researchers found states with the laws had between 7% to 9% increases in murder, while states without the legislation had no increase. The numbers are startling and threatening enough to warrant buying a gun, an NRA membership and an NRA-backed liability policy — for self-defense.

    Because remember, guns don't kill people. People with guns who think they can act on ill-formed suspicions with indemnity thanks to NRA-backed legislation and insurance policies, kill people.

    Photo by Whitney Curtis/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Crime, Guns, NRA
  • Sharon Bialek – a Fourth Herman Cain Accuser – Gives Press Conference

    Lifelong Republican and former employee of the National Restaurant Association Sharon Bialek, standing next to her attorney Gloria Allred, just finished telling a really dirty story to the press. I mean, really dirty. Genital-grabbing dirty! And the main characters in this story are herself and Herman Cain. Whether this is non-fiction or fan-fiction remains to be seen, but I can guarantee this story will be told and told and told again.

    Here's a kind of overview of the story: Back in 1997, the story's protagonist Ms. Bialek met Mr. Cain, was impressed by him and asked him when he was going to run for president. Hahahahaha! All very cute. Sometime soon after, Bialek found herself in need of employment, and her boyfriend suggested she contact Cain, who was CEO of the National Restaurant Association at the time. She did, and they made plans to meet in Washington D.C.

    When Bialek arrived at her hotel, she discovered that her accommodations had been changed and she was now staying in a very nice suite. Upon meeting up again, Cain told her "I upgraded you," which just sounds dirty already.

    Then, a bunch of boring stuff happened and finally Cain, according to Bialek, put his hand on her leg under her skirt — which, I'm pretty sure, is the wrong side of a skirt for a gentleman to place his hand — and reached for her genitals. (If you heard a deafening "Yikes!" a few minutes ago, that was probably the sound of the entire country reacting to that statement.)

    When she protested, he allegedly responded, "You want a job, right?"

    And that, children, is where destroyed presidential campaigns come from.

    Update: Here's the video of the press conference…

    Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images News/Getty Images


    Tags: Gloria Allred, Herman Cain, NRA, Primaries, Republicans, Scandalgate, Sharon Bialek
  • Florida Protecting Gun Owners' Rights to Not Have People Ask Them Questions

    In case you're wondering which side won the gun control debate, take a look-see at this legislation they're getting ready to pass down in Florida

    Doctors and other medical providers would be barred from asking patients — or the parents of child patients — if they have guns in their home under a measure that promises a major showdown between powerful lobbying groups.

    The National Rifle Association's top Florida lobbyist and a Florida Medical Association member both say the issue is among the top priorities for the session, with the groups holding diametrically opposed positions on what doctors and their patients and families should be allowed to discuss during a medical visit.

    Sponsored by Rep. Jason Brodeur, R-Sanford, the bill (HB 155) would make it a felony for a physician or staff member to ask patients or family members of patients if they own guns or store guns at home. If found guilty, the medical provider could be fined up to $5 million or face up to five years in jail.

    Really? That's a "top priority for the session"? Protecting gun owners from being being forced to endure questions being asked about their guns? Finally! I didn't even realize that this was an ordeal to which gun owners were being subjected. I'm sure it happens all the time, too, now that I think about it…

    Doctor: Do you have allergies?

    Patient: Not that I know of.

    Doctor: Are you on any medications?

    Patient: No, not recently.

    Doctor: Have you had any unprotected sex recently?

    Patient: God, I wish.

    Doctor: Ha ha ha. Do you own any large caliber semi-automatic or automatic sniper rifles?

    Patient: That's a little personal, don't you think?

    Good thing they're closing up that gaping hole in our health system. Nice work, Sunshine State.


    Tags: Florida, Guns, Health, Health Care, NRA