When attempting to predict the outcome of a huge primary day like today, it may be useful to create personality profiles for each of the states voting. Obviously, each of the states in this union has its own unique foibles and singular peccadilloes, and each of those differences will play into the candidate they ultimately chose.
With that in mind, I — armed with a half-completed semester of Psychology 101 — decided it fitting to profile each of the Super Tuesday states according to the popular Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, developed by Dr. Carl Jung and used by psychologists and stalkers the world over. I hope you find this enlightening and helpful in your own predictions…
ISFJ (introversion, sensing, feeling, judgment)
Quiet, people-oriented and kind-hearted, Vermont tends to put the needs of other above those of itself, which probably goes a long way toward explaining the smell of its citizens. Those people do realize that those crystal deodorant stick-things don't actually work, don't they? And, also, come on, get a real car. Do they still even make parts for VW buses?
ISFP (introversion, sensing, feeling, perception)
Quiet, serious, sensitive and kind. Unless you're not like them, in which case, get out. Seriously, out. That gun on the wall is not for show. Tennessee is not interested in leading others, except maybe to the state line. This state tends to have a "Live and Let Live" attitude, just so long as you do it nowhere near them. Enjoy your life, but way over there.
Tags: Alaska, Georgia, Idaho, Massachusetts, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Primaries, Republicans, Science & Technology, Super Tuesday, Tennessee, Vermont, Virginia
Ilya Gerner: I believe the trees will be the right height in Massachusetts, Virginia, Vermont, Alaska, Idaho, North Dakota and even Ohio. Too many slight dogwoods in the other states for Mitt Romney to do well. Also, too many Evangelicals.
Jess Dweck: Mitt Romney will win Massachusetts, Virginia and Vermont, while Rick Santorum will take Tennessee, Oklahoma and any other state that has more people than teeth. Newt Gingrich will be elected Moon President of Georgia.
Dan Poppy: Rick Santorum will win big in Oklahoma, confirming once and for all that Okies have never used Google. Mitt Romney will be genuinely surprised that there are people who like him. Ron Paul will burst into a thousand gold doubloons when a supporter slaps him on the back to congratulate him for winning Alaska. Newt Gingrich will be insufferable.
More predictions after the jump…
Tags: Alaska, Georgia, Idaho, Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Super Tuesday, Tennessee, Vermont, Virginia
Join us here and @indecision on Super Tuesday, 3/6 at 7pm ET, as Georgianians, Idahoers, North Dakotacs, Ohioles, Tennesseers, Vermontians, Virginnies, Alaskars and the Red Sox Nation cast their votes in high school gymnasiums and elementary school gymnasiums and other gymnasiums and laundromats (pictured). We'll keep going until all the results are in or until we fall asleep.
Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images
Tags: Alaska, Georgia, Idaho, Liveblog, Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Primaries, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Super Tuesday, Tennessee, Vermont, Virginia
* Jason Sudekis reprises his Romney on SNL. Keep watching to see the hilarious parodies of Clint Eastwood's Super Bowl commercial.
* Mitt Romney's Pintrest account.
* Valentine's Day cards from the romantic GOP contenders.
* Pro-Choice Senator tries to outlaw masturbation, from Buzzfeed.
* A member of the FBI laments the commercialization of his profession.
* President Obama's strategy includes asking voters not to upset his children's social life, from The Onion.
Tags: Auto Industry, Chrysler, Clint Eastwood, Daily Links, Malia Obama, Mitt Romney, Oklahoma, Sasha Obama, Saturday Night Live, Senate