Michelle Obama Is Still Proud of Barry

Not many of us know what it's like to watch someone you love compete in front of millions of people. According to Michelle Obama, watching last week's debate was a lot like this, but she was the one pulling off the Olympic feat of  not reacting…

"But you cant gesture, you can't yell, 'GO BABY! Yes!' They intimidate the hell out of you. So I'm just squeezing my hands, trying to make sure that I'm paying attention, because that's the only instruction he gives — 'Just look like you're listening, that's all I want.'"

Between you, me and the podium, the First Lady should have instructed the President to do the same last week. Regardless of how bad everyone thinks he did in — feelings range from Extinction-Level Event to *yawn* — Michelle Obama is still proud of her husband and believes his composure and honesty bested Mitt Romney. The President should be proud too; his wife looks beautiful in naivety.

Unfortunately for Ms. Obama, presidential debates aren't really like a Olympics gymnastics competition. She can't just run up to the judge's table with an envelope full of money and expect to get gold in return.

Actually, that sounds more like Congress.

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Gabby Douglas to Lead the Pledge of Allegiance at the DNC

I hope Gabby Douglas's time spent on the balance beam and the uneven bars will prepare her for the verbal gymnastics of a political convention.

The Olympic gold medalist will lead the Pledge of Allegiance for a group of people who also dedicated their lives to something America only cares about every four years.

Two-time Olympic gold medalist Gabby Douglas will be back under the bright lights at the Democratic National Convention on Wednesday.

The 16-year-old gymnast, known as the "flying squirrel," will say the Pledge of Allegiance during tonight's proceedings…

Asked if she's nervous, Douglas said, "Not really. I'm just going to go out there, be myself and have fun."

I don't have confirmation, but I believe this is the first time anyone has ever had fun while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. They were actually originally going to get McKayla Maroney but they were worried because she has a history of looking as disappointed as the rest of American feels.

I feel bad for Gabby Douglas. She's only sixteen and her life has already peaked. Sure, she's made millions of dollars she can parlay into a successful life and career. But will she ever know the excitement that comes with the day you tell your parents they no longer have to pay your cellphone bill?

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